白痴 英文版 The Idiot
陀思妥耶夫斯基 Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Idiot V. Page 2
"The repugnance to what must ensue almost immediately, and theuncertainty, were dreadful, he said; but worst of all was theidea, 'What should I do if I were not to die now? What if I wereto return to life again? What an eternity of days, and all mine!How I should grudge and count up every minute of it, so as towaste not a single instant!' He said that this thought weighed soupon him and became such a terrible burden upon his brain that hecould not bear it, and wished they would shoot him quickly andhave done with it."
The prince paused and all waited, expecting him to go on againand finish the story.
"Is that all?" asked Aglaya.
"All? Yes," said the prince, emerging from a momentary reverie.
"And why did you tell us this?"
"Oh, I happened to recall it, that's all! It fitted into theconversation--"
"You probably wish to deduce, prince," said Alexandra, "thatmoments of time cannot be reckoned by money value, and thatsometimes five minutes are worth priceless treasures. All this isvery praiseworthy; but may I ask about this friend of yours, whotold you the terrible experience of his life? He was reprieved,you say; in other words, they did restore to him that 'eternityof days.' What did he do with these riches of time? Did he keepcareful account of his minutes?"
"Oh no, he didn't! I asked him myself. He said that he had notlived a bit as he had intended, and had wasted many, and many aminute."
"Very well, then there's an experiment, and the thing is proved;one cannot live and count each moment; say what you like, but oneCANNOT."
"That is true," said the prince, "I have thought so myself. Andyet, why shouldn't one do it?"
"You think, then, that you could live more wisely than otherpeople?" said Aglaya.
"I have had that idea."
"And you have it still?"
"Yes--I have it still," the prince replied.
He had contemplated Aglaya until now, with a pleasant thoughrather timid smile, but as the last words fell from his lips hebegan to laugh, and looked at her merrily.
"You are not very modest!" said she.
"But how brave you are!" said he. "You are laughing, and I--that man's tale impressed me so much, that I dreamt of itafterwards; yes, I dreamt of those five minutes . . ."
He looked at his listeners again with that same serious,searching expression.
"You are not angry with me?" he asked suddenly, and with a kindof nervous hurry, although he looked them straight in the face.
"Why should we be angry?" they cried.
"Only because I seem to be giving you a lecture, all the time!"
At this they laughed heartily.
"Please don't be angry with me," continued the prince. "I knowvery well that I have seen less of life than other people, andhave less knowledge of it. I must appear to speak strangelysometimes . . ."
He said the last words nervously.
"You say you have been happy, and that proves you have lived, notless, but more than other people. Why make all these excuses?"interrupted Aglaya in a mocking tone of voice. "Besides, you neednot mind about lecturing us; you have nothing to boast of. Withyour quietism, one could live happily for a hundred years atleast. One might show you the execution of a felon, or show youone's little finger. You could draw a moral from either, and bequite satisfied. That sort of existence is easy enough."
"I can't understand why you always fly into a temper," said Mrs.Epanchin, who had been listening to the conversation andexamining the faces of the speakers in turn. "I do not understandwhat you mean. What has your little finger to do with it? Theprince talks well, though he is not amusing. He began all right,but now he seems sad."
"Never mind, mamma! Prince, I wish you had seen an execution,"said Aglaya. "I should like to ask you a question about that, ifyou had."
"I have seen an execution," said the prince.
"You have!" cried Aglaya. "I might have guessed it. That's afitting crown to the rest of the story. If you have seen anexecution, how can you say you lived happily all the while?"
"But is there capital punishment where you were?" asked Adelaida.
"I saw it at Lyons. Schneider took us there, and as soon as wearrived we came in for that."
"Well, and did you like it very much? Was it very edifying andinstructive?" asked Aglaya.
"No, I didn't like it at all, and was ill after seeing it; but Iconfess I stared as though my eyes were fixed to the sight. Icould not tear them away."
"I, too, should have been unable to tear my eyes away," saidAglaya.
"They do not at all approve of women going to see an executionthere. The women who do go are condemned for it afterwards in thenewspapers."
"That is, by contending that it is not a sight for women theyadmit that it is a sight for men. I congratulate them on thededuction. I suppose you quite agree with them, prince?"
that he had notlived a bit as he had intended,
"Tell us about the execution," put in Adelaida.
"I would much rather not, just now," said the prince, a littledisturbed and frowning slightly;
" You don't seem to want to tell us," said Aglaya, with a mockingair.
" No,--the thing is, I was telling all about the execution alittle while ago, and--"
"Whom did you tell about it?"
"The man-servant, while I was waiting to see the general."
"Our man-servant?" exclaimed several voices at once.
said she.preparatory. yes, I dreamt of those.
"The prince is clearly a democrat," remarked Aglaya.
"Well, if you could tell Aleksey about it, surely you can tell ustoo."
"I do so want to hear about it," repeated Adelaida.
"Just now, I confess," began the prince, with more animation,"when you asked me for a subject for a picture, I confess I hadserious thoughts of giving you one. I thought of asking you todraw the face of a criminal, one minute before the fall of theguillotine, while the wretched man is still standing on thescaffold, preparatory to placing his neck on the block."
"What, his face? only his face?" asked Adelaida. "That would be astrange subject indeed. And what sort of a picture would thatmake?"
"Oh, you shall tell us about the Basle picture another time; nowwe must have all about the execution," said Adelaida. "Tell usabout that face as; it appeared to your imagination-how should itbe drawn?--just the face alone, do you mean?"
"It was just a minute before the execution," began the prince,readily, carried away by the recollection and evidentlyforgetting everything else in a moment; "just at the instant whenhe stepped off the ladder on to the scaffold. He happened to lookin my direction: I saw his eyes and understood all, at once--buthow am I to describe it? I do so wish you or somebody else coulddraw it, you, if possible. I thought at the time what a pictureit would make. You must imagine all that went before, of course,all--all. He had lived in the prison for some time and had notexpected that the execution would take place for at least a weekyet--he had counted on all the formalities and so on takingtime; but it so happened that his papers had been got readyquickly. At five o'clock in the morning he was asleep--it wasOctober, and at five in the morning it was cold and dark. Thegovernor of the prison comes in on tip-toe and touches thesleeping man's shoulder gently. He starts up. 'What is it?' hesays. 'The execution is fixed for ten o'clock.' He was only justawake, and would not believe at first, but began to argue thathis papers would not be out for a week, and so on. When he waswide awake and realized the truth, he became very silent andargued no more--so they say; but after a bit he said: 'It comesvery hard on one so suddenly' and then he was silent again andsaid nothing.
"The three or four hours went by, of course, in necessarypreparations--the priest, breakfast, (coffee, meat, and somewine they gave him; doesn't it seem ridiculous?) And yet Ibelieve these people give them a good breakfast out of purekindness of heart, and believe that they are doing a good action.Then he is dressed, and then begins the procession through thetown to the scaffold. I think he, too, must feel that he has anage to live still while they cart him along. Probably he thought,on the way, 'Oh, I have a long, long time yet. Three streets oflife yet! When we've passed this street there'll be that otherone; and then that one where the baker's shop is on the right;and when shall we get there? It's ages, ages!' Around him arecrowds shouting, yelling--ten thousand faces, twenty thousandeyes. All this has to be endured, and especially the thought:'Here are ten thousand men, and not one of them is going to beexecuted, and yet I am to die.' Well, all that is preparatory.
"At last he began to mount the steps; his legs were tied, so thathe had to take very small steps. The priest, who seemed to be awise man, had stopped talking now, and only held the cross forthe wretched fellow to kiss. At the foot of the ladder he hadbeen pale enough; but when he set foot on the scaffold at thetop, his face suddenly became the colour of paper, positivelylike white notepaper. His legs must have become suddenly feebleand helpless, and he felt a choking in his throat--you know thesudden feeling one has in moments of terrible fear, when one doesnot lose one's wits, but is absolutely powerless to move? If somedreadful thing were suddenly to happen; if a house were justabout to fall on one;--don't you know how one would long to sitdown and shut one's eyes and wait, and wait? Well, when thisterrible feeling came over him, the priest quickly pressed thecross to his lips, without a word--a little silver cross it was-and he kept on pressing it to the man's lips every second. Andwhenever the cross touched his lips, the eyes would open for amoment, and the legs moved once, and he kissed the crossgreedily, hurriedly--just as though he were anxious to catch holdof something in case of its being useful to him afterwards,though he could hardly have had any connected religious thoughtsat the time. And so up to the very block.
"How strange that criminals seldom swoon at such a moment! On thecontrary, the brain is especially active, and works incessantly--probably hard, hard, hard--like an engine at full pressure. Iimagine that various thoughts must beat loud and fast through hishead--all unfinished ones, and strange, funny thoughts, verylikely!--like this, for instance: 'That man is looking at me, andhe has a wart on his forehead! and the executioner has burst oneof his buttons, and the lowest one is all rusty!' And meanwhilehe notices and remembers everything. There is one point thatcannot be forgotten, round which everything else dances and turnsabout; and because of this point he cannot faint, and this lastsuntil the very final quarter of a second, when the wretched neckis on the block and the victim listens and waits and KNOWS--that's the point, he KNOWS that he is just NOW about to die, andlistens for the rasp of the iron over his head. If I lay there, Ishould certainly listen for that grating sound, and hear it, too!There would probably be but the tenth part of an instant left tohear it in, but one would certainly hear it. And imagine, somepeople declare that when the head flies off it is CONSCIOUS ofhaving flown off! Just imagine what a thing to realize! Fancy ifconsciousness were to last for even five seconds!
"Draw the scaffold so that only the top step of the ladder comesin clearly. The criminal must be just stepping on to it, his faceas white as note-paper. The priest is holding the cross to hisblue lips, and the criminal kisses it, and knows and sees andunderstands everything. The cross and the head--there's yourpicture; the priest and the executioner, with his two assistants,and a few heads and eyes below. Those might come in assubordinate accessories--a sort of mist. There's a picture foryou." The prince paused, and looked around.
"Certainly that isn't much like quietism," murmured Alexandra,half to herself.
"Now tell us about your love affairs," said Adelaida, after amoment's pause.
The prince gazed at her in amazement.
"You know," Adelaida continued, "you owe us a description of theBasle picture; but first I wish to hear how you fell in love.Don't deny the fact, for you did, of course. Besides, you stopphilosophizing when you are telling about anything."
"Why are you ashamed of your stories the moment after you havetold them?" asked Aglaya, suddenly.
"How silly you are!" said Mrs. Epanchin, looking indignantlytowards the last speaker.
"Yes, that wasn't a clever remark," said Alexandra.
"Don't listen to her, prince," said Mrs. Epanchin; "she says thatsort of thing out of mischief. Don't think anything of theirnonsense, it means nothing. They love to chaff, but they likeyou. I can see it in their faces--I know their faces."
"I know their faces, too," said the prince, with a peculiarstress on the words.
"How so?" asked Adelaida, with curiosity.
"What do YOU know about our faces?" exclaimed the other two, inchorus.
last speaker.while I was waiting to see the .
But the prince was silent and serious. All awaited his reply.
"I'll tell you afterwards," he said quietly.
"Ah, you want to arouse our curiosity!" said Aglaya. "And howterribly solemn you are about it!"
"Very well," interrupted Adelaida, "then if you can read faces sowell, you must have been in love. Come now; I've guessed--let'shave the secret!"
"I have not been in love," said the prince, as quietly andseriously as before. "I have been happy in another way."
"How, how?"
"Well, I'll tell you," said the prince, apparently in a deepreverie.