白痴 英文版 The Idiot
陀思妥耶夫斯基 Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Idiot V. Page 1
HIPPOLYTE, who had fallen asleep during Lebedeff's discourse, nowsuddenly woke up, just as though someone had jogged him in theside. He shuddered, raised himself on his arm, gazed around, andgrew very pale. A look almost of terror crossed his face as herecollected.
"What! are they all off? Is it all over? Is the sun up?" Hetrembled, and caught at the prince's hand. "What time is it? Tellme, quick, for goodness' sake! How long have I slept?" he added,almost in despair, just as though he had overslept something uponwhich his whole fate depended.
"You have slept seven or perhaps eight minutes," said EvgeniePavlovitch.
Hippolyte gazed eagerly at the latter, and mused for a fewmoments.
"Oh, is that all?" he said at last. "Then I--"
They began to hunt for the reptile and were morecomposed.
He drew a long, deep breath of relief, as it seemed. He realizedthat all was not over as yet, that the sun had not risen, andthat the guests had merely gone to supper. He smiled, and twohectic spots appeared on his cheeks.
"So you counted the minutes while I slept, did you, EvgeniePavlovitch?" he said, ironically. "You have not taken your eyesoff me all the evening--I have noticed that much, you see! Ah,Rogojin! I've just been dreaming about him, prince," he added,frowning. "Yes, by the by," starting up, "where's the orator?Where's Lebedeff? Has he finished? What did he talk about? Is ittrue, prince, that you once declared that 'beauty would save theworld'? Great Heaven! The prince says that beauty saves theworld! And I declare that he only has such playful ideas becausehe's in love! Gentlemen, the prince is in love. I guessed it themoment he came in. Don't blush, prince; you make me sorry foryou. What beauty saves the world? Colia told me that you are azealous Christian; is it so? Colia says you call yourself aChristian."
The prince regarded him attentively, but said nothing.
"You don't answer me; perhaps you think I am very fond of you?"added Hippolyte, as though the words had been drawn from him.
"No, I don't think that. I know you don't love me."
"What, after yesterday? Wasn't I honest with you?"
"I knew yesterday that you didn't love me."
"Why so? why so? Because I envy you, eh? You always think that, Iknow. But do you know why I am saying all this? Look here! I musthave some more champagne--pour me out some, Keller, will you?"
"No, you're not to drink any more, Hippolyte. I won't let you."The prince moved the glass away.
"Well perhaps you're right," said Hippolyte, musing. They mightsay--yet, devil take them! what does it matter?--prince, what canit matter what people will say of us THEN, eh? I believe I'm halfasleep. I've had such a dreadful dream--I've only just rememberedit. Prince, I don't wish you such dreams as that, though sureenough, perhaps, I DON'T love you. Why wish a man evil, thoughyou do not love him, eh? Give me your hand--let me press itsincerely. There--you've given me your hand--you must feel that IDO press it sincerely, don't you? I don't think I shall drink anymore. What time is it? Never mind, I know the time. The time hascome, at all events. What! they are laying supper over there, arethey? Then this table is free? Capital, gentlemen! I--hem! thesegentlemen are not listening. Prince, I will just read over anarticle I have here. Supper is more interesting, of course, but--"
Here Hippolyte suddenly, and most unexpectedly, pulled out of hisbreast-pocket a large sealed paper. This imposing-lookingdocument he placed upon the table before him.
The effect of this sudden action upon the company wasinstantaneous. Evgenie Pavlovitch almost bounded off his chair inexcitement. Rogojin drew nearer to the table with a look on hisface as if he knew what was coming. Gania came nearer too; so didLebedeff and the others--the paper seemed to be an object ofgreat interest to the company in general.
"What have you got there?" asked the prince, with some anxiety.
"At the first glimpse of the rising sun, prince, I will go tobed. I told you I would, word of honour! You shall see!" criedHippolyte. "You think I'm not capable of opening this packet, doyou?" He glared defiantly round at the audience in general.
The prince observed that he was trembling all over.
"None of us ever thought such a thing!" Muishkin replied for all."Why should you suppose it of us? And what are you going to read,Hippolyte? What is it?"
"Yes, what is it?" asked others. The packet sealed with red waxseemed to attract everyone, as though it were a magnet.
"I wrote this yesterday, myself, just after I saw you, prince,and told you I would come down here. I wrote all day and allnight, and finished it this morning early. Afterwards I had adream."
"Hadn't we better hear it tomorrow?" asked the prince timidly.
"Tomorrow 'there will be no more time!'" laughed Hippolyte,hysterically. "You needn't be afraid; I shall get through thewhole thing in forty minutes, at most an hour! Look howinterested everybody is! Everybody has drawn near. Look! look atthem all staring at my sealed packet! If I hadn't sealed it up itwouldn't have been half so effective! Ha, ha! that's mystery,that is! Now then, gentlemen, shall I break the seal or not? Saythe word; it's a mystery, I tell you--a secret! Prince, you knowwho said there would be 'no more time'? It was the great andpowerful angel in the Apocalypse."
"Better not read it now," said the prince, putting his hand onthe packet.
"No, don't read it!" cried Evgenie suddenly. He appeared sostrangely disturbed that many of those present could not helpwondering.
saidGania.It was "heads."candles nearer to Hippolyte, so that he might seebetter.
"Reading? None of your reading now!" said somebody; "it's supper-time." "What sort of an article is it? For a paper? Probably it'svery dull," said another. But the prince's timid gesture hadimpressed even Hippolyte.
"Then I'm not to read it?" he whispered, nervously. "Am I not toread it?" he repeated, gazing around at each face in turn. "Whatare you afraid of, prince?" he turned and asked the lattersuddenly.
"What should I be afraid of?"
"Has anyone a coin about them? Give me a twenty-copeck piece,somebody!" And Hippolyte leapt from his chair.
"Here you are," said Lebedeff, handing him one; he thought theboy had gone mad.
"Vera Lukianovna," said Hippolyte, "toss it, will you? Heads, Iread, tails, I don't."
Vera Lebedeff tossed the coin into the air and let it fall on thetable.
It was "heads."
"Then I read it," said Hippolyte, in the tone of one bowing tothe fiat of destiny. He could not have grown paler if a verdictof death had suddenly been presented to him.
"But after all, what is it? Is it possible that I should havejust risked my fate by tossing up?" he went on, shuddering; andlooked round him again. His eyes had a curious expression ofsincerity. "That is an astonishing psychological fact," he cried,suddenly addressing the prince, in a tone of the most intensesurprise. "It is ... it is something quite inconceivable,prince," he repeated with growing animation, like a man regainingconsciousness. "Take note of it, prince, remember it; youcollect, I am told, facts concerning capital punishment... Theytold me so. Ha, ha! My God, how absurd!" He sat down on the sofa,put his elbows on the table, and laid his head on his hands. "Itis shameful--though what does it matter to me if it is shameful?
"Gentlemen, gentlemen! I am about to break the seal," hecontinued, with determination. "I-I--of course I don't insistupon anyone listening if they do not wish to."
With trembling fingers he broke the seal and drew out severalsheets of paper, smoothed them out before him, and began sortingthem.
"What on earth does all this mean? What's he going to read?"muttered several voices. Others said nothing; but one and all satdown and watched with curiosity. They began to think somethingstrange might really be about to happen. Vera stood and trembledbehind her father's chair, almost in tears with fright; Colia wasnearly as much alarmed as she was. Lebedeff jumped up and put acouple of candles nearer to Hippolyte, so that he might seebetter.
"Gentlemen, this--you'll soon see what this is," began Hippolyte,and suddenly commenced his reading.
"It's headed, 'A Necessary Explanation,' with the motto, 'Apresmoi le deluge!' Oh, deuce take it all! Surely I can never haveseriously written such a silly motto as that? Look here,gentlemen, I beg to give notice that all this is very likelyterrible nonsense. It is only a few ideas of mine. If you thinkthat there is anything mysterious coming--or in a word--"
"Better read on without any more beating about the bush," saidGania.
"Affectation!" remarked someone else.
"Too much talk," said Rogojin, breaking the silence for the firsttime.
Hippolyte glanced at him suddenly, and when their eye, metRogojin showed his teeth in a disagreeable smile, and said thefollowing strange words: "That's not the way to settle thisbusiness, my friend; that's not the way at all."
Of course nobody knew what Rogojin meant by this; but his wordsmade a deep impression upon all. Everyone seemed to see in aflash the same idea.
As for Hippolyte, their effect upon him was astounding. Hetrembled so that the prince was obliged to support him, and wouldcertainly have cried out, but that his voice seemed to haveentirely left him for the moment. For a minute or two he couldnot speak at all, but panted and stared at Rogojin. At last hemanaged to ejaculate:
"Then it was YOU who came--YOU--YOU?"
"Came where? What do you mean?" asked Rogojin, amazed. ButHippolyte, panting and choking with excitement, interrupted himviolently.
"YOU came to me last week, in the night, at two o'clock, the dayI was with you in the morning! Confess it was you!"
"Last week? In the night? Have you gone cracked, my good friend?"
Hippolyte paused and considered a moment. Then a smile ofcunning--almost triumph--crossed his lips.
"It was you," he murmured, almost in a whisper, but with absoluteconviction. "Yes, it was you who came to my room and sat silentlyon a chair at my window for a whole hour--more! It was betweenone and two at night; you rose and went out at about three. Itwas you, you! Why you should have frightened me so, why youshould have wished to torment me like that, I cannot tell--but youit was."
There was absolute hatred in his eyes as he said this, but hislook of fear and his trembling had not left him.
"You shall hear all this directly, gentlemen. I-I--listen!"
He seized his paper in a desperate hurry; he fidgeted with it,and tried to sort it, but for a long while his trembling handscould not collect the sheets together. "He's either mad ordelirious," murmured Rogojin. At last he began.
For the first five minutes the reader's voice continued totremble, and he read disconnectedly and unevenly; but graduallyhis voice strengthened. Occasionally a violent fit of coughingstopped him, but his animation grew with the progress of thereading--as did also the disagreeable impression which it madeupon his audience,--until it reached the highest pitch ofexcitement.
Here is the article.
MY NECESSARY EXPLANATION.
"Apres moi le deluge.
"Yesterday morning the prince came to see me. Among other thingshe asked me to come down to his villa. I knew he would come andpersuade me to this step, and that he would adduce the argumentthat it would be easier for me to die' among people and greentrees,'--as he expressed it. But today he did not say 'die,' hesaid 'live.' It is pretty much the same to me, in my position,which he says. When I asked him why he made such a point of his'green trees,' he told me, to my astonishment, that he had heardthat last time I was in Pavlofsk I had said that I had come 'tohave a last look at the trees.'
"When I observed that it was all the same whether one died amongtrees or in front of a blank brick wall, as here, and that it wasnot worth making any fuss over a fortnight, he agreed at once.But he insisted that the good air at Pavlofsk and the greennesswould certainly cause a physical change for the better, and thatmy excitement, and my DREAMS, would be perhaps relieved. Iremarked to him, with a smile, that he spoke like a materialist,and he answered that he had always been one. As he never tells alie, there must be something in his words. His smile is apleasant one. I have had a good look at him. I don't know whetherI like him or not; and I have no time to waste over the question.The hatred which I felt for him for five months has becomeconsiderably modified, I may say, during the last month. Whoknows, perhaps I am going to Pavlofsk on purpose to see him! Butwhy do I leave my chamber? Those who are sentenced to deathshould not leave their cells. If I had not formed a finalresolve, but had decided to wait until the last minute, I shouldnot leave my room, or accept his invitation to come and die atPavlofsk. I must be quick and finish this explanation beforetomorrow. I shall have no time to read it over and correct it, forI must read it tomorrow to the prince and two or three witnesseswhom I shall probably find there.
"As it will be absolutely true, without a touch of falsehood, Iam curious to see what impression it will make upon me myself atthe moment when I read it out. This is my 'last and solemn'--butwhy need I call it that? There is no question about the truth ofit, for it is not worthwhile lying for a fortnight; a fortnightof life is not itself worth having, which is a proof that I writenothing here but pure truth.
("N.B.--Let me remember to consider; am I mad at this moment, ornot? or rather at these moments? I have been told thatconsumptives sometimes do go out of their minds for a while inthe last stages of the malady. I can prove this tomorrow when Iread it out, by the impression it makes upon the audience. I mustsettle this question once and for all, otherwise I can't go onwith anything.)
"I believe I have just written dreadful nonsense; but there's notime for correcting, as I said before. Besides that, I have mademyself a promise not to alter a single word of what I write inthis paper, even though I find that I am contradicting myselfevery five lines. I wish to verify the working of the naturallogic of my ideas tomorrow during the reading--whether I amcapable of detecting logical errors, and whether all that I havemeditated over during the last six months be true, or nothing butdelirium.
"If two months since I had been called upon to leave my room andthe view of Meyer's wall opposite, I verily believe I should havebeen sorry. But now I have no such feeling, and yet I am leavingthis room and Meyer's brick wall FOR EVER. So that my conclusion,that it is not worth while indulging in grief, or any otheremotion, for a fortnight, has proved stronger than my verynature, and has taken over the direction of my feelings. But isit so? Is it the case that my nature is conquered entirely? If Iwere to be put on the rack now, I should certainly cry out. Ishould not say that it is not worth while to yell and feel painbecause I have but a fortnight to live.
"But is it true that I have but a fortnight of life left to me? Iknow I told some of my friends that Doctor B. had informed methat this was the case; but I now confess that I lied; B. has noteven seen me. However, a week ago, I called in a medical student,Kislorodoff, who is a Nationalist, an Atheist, and a Nihilist, byconviction, and that is why I had him. I needed a man who wouldtell me the bare truth without any humbug or ceremony--and so hedid--indeed, almost with pleasure (which I thought was going alittle too far).
"Well, he plumped out that I had about a month left me; it mightbe a little more, he said, under favourable circumstances, butit might also be considerably less. According to his opinion Imight die quite suddenly--tomorrow, for instance--there had beensuch cases. Only a day or two since a young lady at Colomna whosuffered from consumption, and was about on a par with myself inthe march of the disease, was going out to market to buyprovisions, when she suddenly felt faint, lay down on the sofa,gasped once, and died.
go onwith anything.)slept seven.
"Kislorodoff told me all this with a sort of exaggerated devil-may-care negligence, and as though he did me great honour bytalking to me so, because it showed that he considered me thesame sort of exalted Nihilistic being as himself, to whom deathwas a matter of no consequence whatever, either way.
"At all events, the fact remained--a month of life and no more!That he is right in his estimation I am absolutely persuaded.
"It puzzles me much to think how on earth the prince guessedyesterday that I have had bad dreams. He said to me, 'Yourexcitement and dreams will find relief at Pavlofsk.' Why did hesay 'dreams'? Either he is a doctor, or else he is a man ofexceptional intelligence and wonderful powers of observation.(But that he is an 'idiot,' at bottom there can be no doubtwhatever.) It so happened that just before he arrived I had adelightful little dream; one of a kind that I have hundreds ofjust now. I had fallen asleep about an hour before he came in,and dreamed that I was in some room, not my own. It was a largeroom, well furnished, with a cupboard, chest of drawers, sofa,and my bed, a fine wide bed covered with a silken counterpane.But I observed in the room a dreadful-looking creature, a sort ofmonster. It was a little like a scorpion, but was not a scorpion,but far more horrible, and especially so, because there are nocreatures anything like it in nature, and because it had appearedto me for a purpose, and bore some mysterious signification. Ilooked at the beast well; it was brown in colour and had a shell;it was a crawling kind of reptile, about eight inches long, andnarrowed down from the head, which was about a couple of fingersin width, to the end of the tail, which came to a fine point. Outof its trunk, about a couple of inches below its head, came twolegs at an angle of forty-five degrees, each about three incheslong, so that the beast looked like a trident from above. It hadeight hard needle-like whiskers coming out from different partsof its body; it went along like a snake, bending its body aboutin spite of the shell it wore, and its motion was very quick andvery horrible to look at. I was dreadfully afraid it would stingme; somebody had told me, I thought, that it was venomous; butwhat tormented me most of all was the wondering and wondering asto who had sent it into my room, and what was the mystery which Ifelt it contained.
"It hid itself under the cupboard and under the chest of drawers,and crawled into the corners. I sat on a chair and kept my legstucked under me. Then the beast crawled quietly across the roomand disappeared somewhere near my chair. I looked about for it interror, but I still hoped that as my feet were safely tucked awayit would not be able to touch me.
"Suddenly I heard behind me, and about on a level with my head, asort of rattling sound. I turned sharp round and saw that thebrute had crawled up the wall as high as the level of my face,and that its horrible tail, which was moving incredibly fast fromside to side, was actually touching my hair! I jumped up--and itdisappeared. I did not dare lie down on my bed for fear it shouldcreep under my pillow. My mother came into the room, and somefriends of hers. They began to hunt for the reptile and were morecomposed than I was; they did not seem to be afraid of it. Butthey did not understand as I did.