白痴 英文版 The Idiot
陀思妥耶夫斯基 Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Idiot III. Page 1
It was now close on twelve o'clock.
The prince knew that if he called at the Epanchins' now he wouldonly find the general, and that the latter might probably carryhim straight off to Pavlofsk with him; whereas there was onevisit he was most anxious to make without delay.
So at the risk of missing General Epanchin altogether, and thuspostponing his visit to Pavlofsk for a day, at least, the princedecided to go and look for the house he desired to find.
The visit he was about to pay was, in some respects, a risky one.He was in two minds about it, but knowing that the house was inthe Gorohovaya, not far from the Sadovaya, he determined to go inthat direction, and to try to make up his mind on the way.
Arrived at the point where the Gorohovaya crosses the Sadovaya,he was surprised to find how excessively agitated he was. He hadno idea that his heart could beat so painfully.
One house in the Gorohovaya began to attract his attention longbefore he reached it, and the prince remembered afterwards thathe had said to himself: "That is the house, I'm sure of it." Hecame up to it quite curious to discover whether he had guessedright, and felt that he would be disagreeably impressed to findthat he had actually done so. The house was a large gloomy-looking structure, without the slightest claim to architecturalbeauty, in colour a dirty green. There are a few of these oldhouses, built towards the end of the last century, still standingin that part of St. Petersburg, and showing little change fromtheir original form and colour. They are solidly built, and areremarkable for the thickness of their walls, and for the fewnessof their windows, many of which are covered by gratings. On theground-floor there is usually a money-changer's shop, and theowner lives over it. Without as well as within, the houses seeminhospitable and mysterious--an impression which is difficult toexplain, unless it has something to do with the actualarchitectural style. These houses are almost exclusivelyinhabited by the merchant class.
Arrived at the gate, the prince looked up at the legend over it,which ran:
"House of Rogojin, hereditary and honourable citizen."
He hesitated no longer; but opened the glazed door at the bottomof the outer stairs and made his way up to the second storey. Theplace was dark and gloomy-looking; the walls of the stonestaircase were painted a dull red. Rogojin and his mother andbrother occupied the whole of the second floor. The servant whoopened the door to Muishkin led him, without taking his name,through several rooms and up and down many steps until theyarrived at a door, where he knocked.
Parfen Rogojin opened the door himself.
On seeing the prince he became deadly white, and apparently fixedto the ground, so that he was more like a marble statue than ahuman being. The prince had expected some surprise, but Rogojinevidently considered his visit an impossible and miraculousevent. He stared with an expression almost of terror, and hislips twisted into a bewildered smile.
"Parfen! perhaps my visit is ill-timed. I-I can go away again ifyou like," said Muishkin at last, rather embarrassed.
"No, no; it's all right, come in," said Parfen, recollectinghimself.
They were evidently on quite familiar terms. In Moscow they hadhad many occasions of meeting; indeed, some few of those meetingswere but too vividly impressed upon their memories. They had notmet now, however, for three months.
go on."chair.took a chair. and.
The deathlike pallor, and a sort of slight convulsion about thelips, had not left Rogojin's face. Though he welcomed his guest,he was still obviously much disturbed. As he invited the princeto sit down near the table, the latter happened to turn towardshim, and was startled by the strange expression on his face. Apainful recollection flashed into his mind. He stood for a time,looking straight at Rogojin, whose eyes seemed to blaze likefire. At last Rogojin smiled, though he still looked agitated andshaken.
"What are you staring at me like that for?" he muttered. "Sitdown."
The prince took a chair.
"Parfen," he said, "tell me honestly, did you know that I wascoming to Petersburg or no?"
"Oh, I supposed you were coming," the other replied, smilingsarcastically, and I was right in my supposition, you see; buthow was I to know that you would come TODAY?"
A certain strangeness and impatience in his manner impressed theprince very forcibly.
"And if you had known that I was coming today, why be soirritated about it?" he asked, in quiet surprise.
"Why did you ask me?"
"Because when I jumped out of the train this morning, two eyesglared at me just as yours did a moment since."
"Ha! and whose eyes may they have been?" said Rogojin,suspiciously. It seemed to the prince that he was trembling.
"I don't know; I thought it was a hallucination. I often havehallucinations nowadays. I feel just as I did five years ago whenmy fits were about to come on."
"Well, perhaps it was a hallucination, I don't know," saidParfen.
He tried to give the prince an affectionate smile, and it seemedto the latter as though in this smile of his something hadbroken, and that he could not mend it, try as he would.
"Shall you go abroad again then?" he asked, and suddenly added,"Do you remember how we came up in the train from Pskofftogether? You and your cloak and leggings, eh?"
And Rogojin burst out laughing, this time with unconcealedmalice, as though he were glad that he had been able to find anopportunity for giving vent to it.
"Have you quite taken up your quarters here?" asked the prince
"Yes, I'm at home. Where else should I go to?"
"We haven't met for some time. Meanwhile I have heard thingsabout you which I should not have believed to be possible."
"What of that? People will say anything," said Rogojin drily.
"At all events, you've disbanded your troop--and you are living inyour own house instead of being fast and loose about the place;that's all very good. Is this house all yours, or jointproperty?"
"It is my mother's. You get to her apartments by that passage."
"Where's your brother?"
"In the other wing."
"Is he married?"
"Widower. Why do you want to know all this?"
The prince looked at him, but said nothing. He had suddenlyrelapsed into musing, and had probably not heard the question atall. Rogojin did not insist upon an answer, and there was silencefor a few moments.
"I guessed which was your house from a hundred yards off," saidthe prince at last.
"Why so?"
"I don't quite know. Your house has the aspect of yourself andall your family; it bears the stamp of the Rogojin life; but askme why I think so, and I can tell you nothing. It is nonsense, ofcourse. I am nervous about this kind of thing troubling me somuch. I had never before imagined what sort of a house you wouldlive in, and yet no sooner did I set eyes on this one than I saidto myself that it must be yours."
"Really!" said Rogojin vaguely, not taking in what the princemeant by his rather obscure remarks.
The room they were now sitting in was a large one, lofty butdark, well furnished, principally with writing-tables and deskscovered with papers and books. A wide sofa covered with redmorocco evidently served Rogojin for a bed. On the table besidewhich the prince had been invited to seat himself lay some books;one containing a marker where the reader had left off, was avolume of Solovieff's History. Some oil-paintings in worn gildedframes hung on the walls, but it was impossible to make out whatsubjects they represented, so blackened were they by smoke andage. One, a life-sized portrait, attracted the prince'sattention. It showed a man of about fifty, wearing a long riding-coat of German cut. He had two medals on his breast; his beardwas white, short and thin; his face yellow and wrinkled, with asly, suspicious expression in the eyes.
"That is your father, is it not?" asked the prince.
"Yes, it is," replied Rogojin with an unpleasant smile, as if hehad expected his guest to ask the question, and then to make somedisagreeable remark.
"Was he one of the Old Believers?"
"No, he went to church, but to tell the truth he really preferredthe old religion. This was his study and is now mine. Why did youask if he were an Old Believer?"
"Are you going to be married here?"
"Ye-yes!" replied Rogojin, starting at the unexpected question.
"Soon?"
"You know yourself it does not depend on me."
"Parfen, I am not your enemy, and I do not intend to oppose yourintentions in any way. I repeat this to you now just as I said itto you once before on a very similar occasion. When you werearranging for your projected marriage in Moscow, I did notinterfere with you--you know I did not. That first time she fledto me from you, from the very altar almost, and begged me to'save her from you.' Afterwards she ran away from me again, andyou found her and arranged your marriage with her once more; andnow, I hear, she has run away from you and come to Petersburg.Is it true? Lebedeff wrote me to this effect, and that's why I camehere. That you had once more arranged matters with NastasiaPhilipovna I only learned last night in the train from a friend ofyours, Zaleshoff--if you wish to know.
"I confess I came here with an object. I wished to persuadeNastasia to go abroad for her health; she requires it. Both mindand body need a change badly. I did not intend to take her abroadmyself. I was going to arrange for her to go without me. Now Itell you honestly, Parfen, if it is true that all is made upbetween you, I will not so much as set eyes upon her, and I willnever even come to see you again.
"You know quite well that I am telling the truth, because I havealways been frank with you. I have never concealed my own opinionfrom you. I have always told you that I consider a marriagebetween you and her would be ruin to her. You would also beruined, and perhaps even more hopelessly. If this marriage wereto be broken off again, I admit I should be greatly pleased; butat the same time I have not the slightest intention of trying topart you. You may be quite easy in your mind, and you need notsuspect me. You know yourself whether I was ever really yourrival or not, even when she ran away and came to me.
"There, you are laughing at me--I know why you laugh. It isperfectly true that we lived apart from one another all the time,in different towns. I told you before that I did not love herwith love, but with pity! You said then that you understood me;did you really understand me or not? What hatred there is in youreyes at this moment! I came to relieve your mind, because you aredear to me also. I love you very much, Parfen; and now I shall goaway and never come back again. Goodbye."
The prince rose.
"Stay a little," said Parfen, not leaving his chair and restinghis head on his right hand. "I haven't seen you for a long time."
The prince sat down again. Both were silent for a few moments.
"When you are not with me I hate you, Lef Nicolaievitch. I haveloathed you every day of these three months since I last saw you.By heaven I have!" said Rogojin." I could have poisoned you atany minute. Now, you have been with me but a quarter of an hour,and all my malice seems to have melted away, and you are as dearto me as ever. Stay here a little longer."
"When I am with you you trust me; but as soon as my back isturned you suspect me," said the prince, smiling, and trying tohide his emotion.
"I trust your voice, when I hear you speak. I quite understandthat you and I cannot be put on a level, of course."
"Why did you add that?--There! Now you are cross again," saidthe prince, wondering.
"We were not asked, you see. We were made different, withdifferent tastes and feelings, without being consulted. You sayyou love her with pity. I have no pity for her. She hates me--that's the plain truth of the matter. I dream of her every night,and always that she is laughing at me with another man. And soshe does laugh at me. She thinks no more of marrying me than ifshe were changing her shoe. Would you believe it, I haven't seenher for five days, and I daren't go near her. She asks me what Icome for, as if she were not content with having disgraced me--"
"Disgraced you! How?"
"Just as though you didn't know! Why, she ran away from me, andwent to you. You admitted it yourself, just now."
Soon?"Have you quite taken up your!
"But surely you do not believe that she..."
"That she did not disgrace me at Moscow with that officer.Zemtuznikoff? I know for certain she did, after having fixed ourmarriage-day herself!"
"Impossible!" cried the prince.
"I know it for a fact," replied Rogojin, with conviction.
"It is not like her, you say? My friend, that's absurd. Perhapssuch an act would horrify her, if she were with you, but it isquite different where I am concerned. She looks on me as vermin.Her affair with Keller was simply to make a laughing-stock of me.You don't know what a fool she made of me in Moscow; and themoney I spent over her! The money! the money!"
"And you can marry her now, Parfen! What will come of it all?"said the prince, with dread in his voice.
Rogojin gazed back gloomily, and with a terrible expression inhis eyes, but said nothing.
"I haven't been to see her for five days," he repeated, after aslight pause. "I'm afraid of being turned out. She says she'sstill her own mistress, and may turn me off altogether, and goabroad. She told me this herself," he said, with a peculiarglance at Muishkin. "I think she often does it merely to frightenme. She is always laughing at me, for some reason or other; butat other times she's angry, and won't say a word, and that's whatI'm afraid of. I took her a shawl one day, the like of which shemight never have seen, although she did live in luxury and shegave it away to her maid, Katia. Sometimes when I can keep awayno longer, I steal past the house on the sly, and once I watchedat the gate till dawn--I thought something was going on--and shesaw me from the window. She asked me what I should do if I foundshe had deceived me. I said, 'You know well enough.'"
"What did she know?" cried the prince.
"How was I to tell?" replied Rogojin, with an angry laugh. "I didmy best to catch her tripping in Moscow, but did not succeed.However, I caught hold of her one day, and said: 'You are engagedto be married into a respectable family, and do you know whatsort of a woman you are? THAT'S the sort of woman you are,' Isaid."
"You told her that?"
"Yes."
"Well, go on."
"She said, 'I wouldn't even have you for a footman now, much lessfor a husband.' 'I shan't leave the house,' I said, 'so itdoesn't matter.' 'Then I shall call somebody and have you kickedout,' she cried. So then I rushed at her, and beat her till shewas bruised all over."
"Impossible!" cried the prince, aghast.
"I tell you it's true," said Rogojin quietly, but with eyesablaze with passion.
"Then for a day and a half I neither slept, nor ate, nor drank,and would not leave her. I knelt at her feet: 'I shall die here,'I said, 'if you don't forgive me; and if you have me turned out,I shall drown myself; because, what should I be without you now?'She was like a madwoman all that day; now she would cry; now shewould threaten me with a knife; now she would abuse me. Shecalled in Zaleshoff and Keller, and showed me to them, shamed mein their presence. 'Let's all go to the theatre,' she says, 'andleave him here if he won't go--it's not my business. They'll giveyou some tea, Parfen Semeonovitch, while I am away, for you mustbe hungry.' She came back from the theatre alone. 'Those cowardswouldn't come,' she said. 'They are afraid of you, and tried tofrighten me, too. "He won't go away as he came," they said,"he'll cut your throat--see if he doesn't." Now, I shall go to mybedroom, and I shall not even lock my door, just to show you howmuch I am afraid of you. You must be shown that once for all. Didyou have tea?' 'No,' I said, 'and I don't intend to.' 'Ha, ha!you are playing off your pride against your stomach! That sort ofheroism doesn't sit well on you,' she said.
"With that she did as she had said she would; she went to bed,and did not lock her door. In the morning she came out. 'Are youquite mad?' she said, sharply. 'Why, you'll die of hunger likethis.' 'Forgive me,' I said. 'No, I won't, and I won't marry you.I've said it. Surely you haven't sat in this chair all nightwithout sleeping?' 'I didn't sleep,' I said. 'H'm! how sensibleof you. And are you going to have no breakfast or dinner today?''I told you I wouldn't. Forgive me!' 'You've no idea howunbecoming this sort of thing is to you,' she said, 'it's likeputting a saddle on a cow's back. Do you think you arefrightening me? My word, what a dreadful thing that you shouldsit here and eat no food! How terribly frightened I am!' Shewasn't angry long, and didn't seem to remember my offence at all.I was surprised, for she is a vindictive, resentful woman--butthen I thought that perhaps she despised me too much to feel anyresentment against me. And that's the truth.
"She came up to me and said, 'Do you know who the Pope of Romeis?' 'I've heard of him,' I said. 'I suppose you've read theUniversal History, Parfen Semeonovitch, haven't you?' she asked.'I've learned nothing at all,' I said. 'Then I'll lend it to youto read. You must know there was a Roman Pope once, and he wasvery angry with a certain Emperor; so the Emperor came andneither ate nor drank, but knelt before the Pope's palace till heshould be forgiven. And what sort of vows do you think thatEmperor was making during all those days on his knees? Stop, I'llread it to you!' Then she read me a lot of verses, where it saidthat the Emperor spent all the time vowing vengeance against thePope. 'You don't mean to say you don't approve of the poem,Parfen Semeonovitch,' she says. 'All you have read out is perfectlytrue,' say I. 'Aha!' says she, 'you admit it's true, do you? Andyou are making vows to yourself that if I marry you, you willremind me of all this, and take it out of me.' 'I don't know,' Isay, 'perhaps I was thinking like that, and perhaps I was not.I'm not thinking of anything just now.' 'What are your thoughts,then?' 'I'm thinking that when you rise from your chair and go past me,I watch you, and follow you with my eyes; if your dress does butrustle, my heart sinks; if you leave the room, I remember everylittle word and action, and what your voice sounded like, andwhat you said. I thought of nothing all last night, but sat herelistening to your sleeping breath, and heard you move a little,twice.' 'And as for your attack upon me,' she says, 'I supposeyou never once thought of THAT?' 'Perhaps I did think of it, andperhaps not,' I say. And what if I don't either forgive you ormarry, you' 'I tell you I shall go and drown myself.' 'H'm!' shesaid, and then relapsed into silence. Then she got angry, andwent out. 'I suppose you'd murder me before you drowned yourself,though!' she cried as she left the room.
"An hour later, she came to me again, looking melancholy. 'I willmarry you, Parfen Semeonovitch,' she says, not because I'mfrightened of you, but because it's all the same to me how I ruinmyself. And how can I do it better? Sit down; they'll bring yousome dinner directly. And if I do marry you, I'll be a faithfulwife to you--you need not doubt that.' Then she thought a bit,and said, 'At all events, you are not a flunkey; at first, Ithought you were no better than a flunkey.' And she arranged thewedding and fixed the day straight away on the spot.