白痴 英文版 The Idiot
陀思妥耶夫斯基 Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Idiot XIV.
"I have no wit, Nastasia Philipovna," began Ferdishenko, "andtherefore I talk too much, perhaps. Were I as witty, now, as Mr.Totski or the general, I should probably have sat silent all theevening, as they have. Now, prince, what do you think?--are therenot far more thieves than honest men in this world? Don't youthink we may say there does not exist a single person so honestthat he has never stolen anything whatever in his life?"
"What a silly idea," said the actress. "Of course it is not thecase. I have never stolen anything, for one."
"H'm! very well, Daria Alexeyevna; you have not stolen anything--agreed. But how about the prince, now--look how he is blushing!"
"I think you are partially right, but you exaggerate," said theprince, who had certainly blushed up, of a sudden, for somereason or other.
"Ferdishenko--either tell us your story, or be quiet, and mindyour own business. You exhaust all patience," cuttingly andirritably remarked Nastasia Philipovna.
"Immediately, immediately! As for my story, gentlemen, it is toostupid and absurd to tell you.
"I assure you I am not a thief, and yet I have stolen; I cannotexplain why. It was at Semeon Ivanovitch Ishenka's country house,one Sunday. He had a dinner party. After dinner the men stayed atthe table over their wine. It struck me to ask the daughter ofthe house to play something on the piano; so I passed through thecorner room to join the ladies. In that room, on Maria Ivanovna'swriting-table, I observed a three-rouble note. She must havetaken it out for some purpose, and left it lying there. There wasno one about. I took up the note and put it in my pocket; why, Ican't say. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but it wasdone, and I went quickly back to the dining-room and reseatedmyself at the dinner-table. I sat and waited there in a greatstate of excitement. I talked hard, and told lots of stories, andlaughed like mad; then I joined the ladies.
"In half an hour or so the loss was discovered, and the servantswere being put under examination. Daria, the housemaid wassuspected. I exhibited the greatest interest and sympathy, and Iremember that poor Daria quite lost her head, and that I beganassuring her, before everyone, that I would guarantee herforgiveness on the part of her mistress, if she would confess herguilt. They all stared at the girl, and I remember a wonderfulattraction in the reflection that here was I sermonizing away,with the money in my own pocket all the while. I went and spentthe three roubles that very evening at a restaurant. I went inand asked for a bottle of Lafite, and drank it up; I wanted to berid of the money.
"I did not feel much remorse either then or afterwards; but Iwould not repeat the performance--believe it or not as youplease. There--that's all."
"Only, of course that's not nearly your worst action," said theactress, with evident dislike in her face.
"That was a psychological phenomenon, not an action," remarkedTotski.
"And what about the maid?" asked Nastasia Philipovna, withundisguised contempt.
flew.hadcharacterized its commencement.not altogether graceful!
"Oh, she was turned out next day, of course. It's a very stricthousehold, there!"
"And you allowed it?"
"I should think so, rather! I was not going to return and confessnext day," laughed Ferdishenko, who seemed a little surprised atthe disagreeable impression which his story had made on allparties.
"How mean you were!" said Nastasia.
"Bah! you wish to hear a man tell of his worst actions, and youexpect the story to come out goody-goody! One's worst actionsalways are mean. We shall see what the general has to say forhimself now. All is not gold that glitters, you know; and becausea man keeps his carriage he need not be specially virtuous, Iassure you, all sorts of people keep carriages. And by whatmeans?"
In a word, Ferdishenko was very angry and rapidly forgettinghimself; his whole face was drawn with passion. Strange as it mayappear, he had expected much better success for his story. Theselittle errors of taste on Ferdishenko's part occurred veryfrequently. Nastasia trembled with rage, and looked fixedly athim, whereupon he relapsed into alarmed silence. He realized thathe had gone a little too far.
"Had we not better end this game?" asked Totski.
"It's my turn, but I plead exemption," said Ptitsin.
"You don't care to oblige us?" asked Nastasia.
"I cannot, I assure you. I confess I do not understand how anyonecan play this game."
"Then, general, it's your turn," continued Nastasia Philipovna,"and if you refuse, the whole game will fall through, which willdisappoint me very much, for I was looking forward to relating acertain 'page of my own life.' I am only waiting for you andAfanasy Ivanovitch to have your turns, for I require the supportof your example," she added, smiling.
"Oh, if you put it in that way " cried the general, excitedly,"I'm ready to tell the whole story of my life, but I must confessthat I prepared a little story in anticipation of my turn."
Nastasia smiled amiably at him; but evidently her depression andirritability were increasing with every moment. Totski wasdreadfully alarmed to hear her promise a revelation out of herown life.
"I, like everyone else," began the general, "have committedcertain not altogether graceful actions, so to speak, during thecourse of my life. But the strangest thing of all in my case is,that I should consider the little anecdote which I am now aboutto give you as a confession of the worst of my 'bad actions.' Itis thirty-five years since it all happened, and yet I cannot tothis very day recall the circumstances without, as it were, asudden pang at the heart.
"It was a silly affair--I was an ensign at the time. You knowensigns--their blood is boiling water, their circumstancesgenerally penurious. Well, I had a servant Nikifor who used to doeverything for me in my quarters, economized and managed for me,and even laid hands on anything he could find (belonging to otherpeople), in order to augment our household goods; but a faithful,honest fellow all the same.
"I was strict, but just by nature. At that time we were stationedin a small town. I was quartered at an old widow's house, alieutenant's widow of eighty years of age. She lived in awretched little wooden house, and had not even a servant, so poorwas she.
"Her relations had all died off--her husband was dead and buriedforty years since; and a niece, who had lived with her andbullied her up to three years ago, was dead too; so that she wasquite alone.
"Well, I was precious dull with her, especially as she was sochildish that there was nothing to be got out of her. Eventually,she stole a fowl of mine; the business is a mystery to this day;but it could have been no one but herself. I requested to bequartered somewhere else, and was shifted to the other end of thetown, to the house of a merchant with a large family, and a longbeard, as I remember him. Nikifor and I were delighted to go; butthe old lady was not pleased at our departure.
"Well, a day or two afterwards, when I returned from drill,Nikifor says to me: 'We oughtn't to have left our tureen with theold lady, I've nothing to serve the soup in.'
"I asked how it came about that the tureen had been left. Nikiforexplained that the old lady refused to give it up, because, shesaid, we had broken her bowl, and she must have our tureen inplace of it; she had declared that I had so arranged the matterwith herself.
"This baseness on her part of course aroused my young blood tofever heat; I jumped up, and away I flew.
"I arrived at the old woman's house beside myself. She wassitting in a corner all alone, leaning her face on her hand. Ifell on her like a clap of thunder. 'You old wretch!' I yelledand all that sort of thing, in real Russian style. Well, when Ibegan cursing at her, a strange thing happened. I looked at her,and she stared back with her eyes starting out of her head, butshe did not say a word. She seemed to sway about as she sat, andlooked and looked at me in the strangest way. Well, I soonstopped swearing and looked closer at her, asked her questions,but not a word could I get out of her. The flies were buzzingabout the room and only this sound broke the silence; the sun wassetting outside; I didn't know what to make of it, so I wentaway.
"Before I reached home I was met and summoned to the major's, sothat it was some while before I actually got there. When I camein, Nikifor met me. 'Have you heard, sir, that our old lady isdead?' 'DEAD, when?' 'Oh, an hour and a half ago.' That meantnothing more nor less than that she was dying at the moment whenI pounced on her and began abusing her.
"This produced a great effect upon me. I used to dream of thepoor old woman at nights. I really am not superstitious, but twodays after, I went to her funeral, and as time went on I thoughtmore and more about her. I said to myself, 'This woman, thishuman being, lived to a great age. She had children, a husbandand family, friends and relations; her household was busy andcheerful; she was surrounded by smiling faces; and then suddenlythey are gone, and she is left alone like a solitary fly ... likea fly, cursed with the burden of her age. At last, God calls herto Himself. At sunset, on a lovely summer's evening, my littleold woman passes away--a thought, you will notice, which offersmuch food for reflection--and behold! instead of tears andprayers to start her on her last journey, she has insults andjeers from a young ensign, who stands before her with his handsin his pockets, making a terrible row about a soup tureen!' Ofcourse I was to blame, and even now that I have time to look backat it calmly, I pity the poor old thing no less. I repeat that Iwonder at myself, for after all I was not really responsible. Whydid she take it into her head to die at that moment? But the moreI thought of it, the more I felt the weight of it upon my mind;and I never got quite rid of the impression until I put a coupleof old women into an almshouse and kept them there at my ownexpense. There, that's all. I repeat I dare say I have committedmany a grievous sin in my day; but I cannot help always lookingback upon this as the worst action I have ever perpetrated."
"H'm! and instead of a bad action, your excellency has detailedone of your noblest deeds," said Ferdishenko. "Ferdishenko is'done.'"
"Dear me, general," said Nastasia Philipovna, absently, "I reallynever imagined you had such a good heart."
The general laughed with great satisfaction, and applied himselfonce more to the champagne.
It was now Totski's turn, and his story was awaited with greatcuriosity--while all eyes turned on Nastasia Philipovna, asthough anticipating that his revelation must be connected somehowwith her. Nastasia, during the whole of his story, pulled at thelace trimming of her sleeve, and never once glanced at thespeaker. Totski was a handsome man, rather stout, with a verypolite and dignified manner. He was always well dressed, and hislinen was exquisite. He had plump white hands, and wore amagnificent diamond ring on one finger.
"What simplifies the duty before me considerably, in my opinion,"he began, "is that I am bound to recall and relate the very worstaction of my life. In such circumstances there can, of course, beno doubt. One's conscience very soon informs one what is theproper narrative to tell. I admit, that among the many silly andthoughtless actions of my life, the memory of one comesprominently forward and reminds me that it lay long like a stoneon my heart. Some twenty years since, I paid a visit to PlatonOrdintzeff at his country-house. He had just been elected marshalof the nobility, and had come there with his young wife for thewinter holidays. Anfisa Alexeyevna's birthday came off just then,too, and there were two balls arranged. At that time Dumas-fils'beautiful work, La Dame aux Camelias--a novel which I considerimperishable--had just come into fashion. In the provinces all theladies were in raptures over it, those who had read it, at least.Camellias were all the fashion. Everyone inquired for them,everybody wanted them; and a grand lot of camellias are to be gotin a country town--as you all know--and two balls to provide for!
"Poor Peter Volhofskoi was desperately in love with AnfisaAlexeyevna. I don't know whether there was anything--I mean Idon't know whether he could possibly have indulged in any hope.The poor fellow was beside himself to get her a bouquet ofcamellias. Countess Sotski and Sophia Bespalova, as everyoneknew, were coming with white camellia bouquets. Anfisa wished forred ones, for effect. Well, her husband Platon was drivendesperate to find some. And the day before the ball, Anfisa'srival snapped up the only red camellias to be had in the place,from under Platon's nose, and Platon--wretched man--was done for.Now if Peter had only been able to step in at this moment with ared bouquet, his little hopes might have made gigantic strides. Awoman's gratitude under such circumstances would have beenboundless--but it was practically an impossibility.
"The night before the ball I met Peter, looking radiant. 'What isit?' I ask. 'I've found them, Eureka!" 'No! where, where?' 'AtEkshaisk (a little town fifteen miles off) there's a rich oldmerchant, who keeps a lot of canaries, has no children, and heand his wife are devoted to flowers. He's got some camellias.''And what if he won't let you have them?' 'I'll go on my kneesand implore till I get them. I won't go away.' 'When shall youstart?' 'Tomorrow morning at five o'clock.' 'Go on,' I said,'and good luck to you.'
"By five I drew up at the Ekshaisky inn. I waited there tilldawn, and soon after six I was off, and at the old merchantTrepalaf's.
"'Camellias!' I said, 'father, save me, save me, let me have somecamellias!' He was a tall, grey old man--a terrible-looking oldgentleman. 'Not a bit of it,' he says. 'I won't.' Down I went onmy knees. 'Don't say so, don't--think what you're doing!' Icried; 'it's a matter of life and death!' 'If that's the case,take them,' says he. So up I get, and cut such a bouquet of redcamellias! He had a whole greenhouse full of them--lovely ones.The old fellow sighs. I pull out a hundred roubles. 'No, no!'says he, 'don't insult me that way.' 'Oh, if that's the case,give it to the village hospital,' I say. 'Ah,' he says, 'that'squite a different matter; that's good of you and generous. I'llpay it in there for you with pleasure.' I liked that old fellow,Russian to the core, de la vraie souche. I went home in raptures,but took another road in order to avoid Peter. Immediately onarriving I sent up the bouquet for Anfisa to see when she awoke.
"You may imagine her ecstasy, her gratitude. The wretched Platon,who had almost died since yesterday of the reproaches showeredupon him, wept on my shoulder. Of course poor Peter had no chanceafter this.
"I thought he would cut my throat at first, and went about armedready to meet him. But he took it differently; he fainted, andhad brain fever and convulsions. A month after, when he hadhardly recovered, he went off to the Crimea, and there he wasshot.
"I assure you this business left me no peace for many a longyear. Why did I do it? I was not in love with her myself; I'mafraid it was simply mischief--pure 'cussedness' on my part.
"If I hadn't seized that bouquet from under his nose he mighthave been alive now, and a happy man. He might have beensuccessful in life, and never have gone to fight the Turks."
Totski ended his tale with the same dignity that hadcharacterized its commencement.
Nastasia Philipovna's eyes were flashing in a most unmistakableway, now; and her lips were all a-quiver by the time Totskifinished his story.
All present watched both of them with curiosity.
"You were right, Totski," said Nastasia, "it is a dull game and astupid one. I'll just tell my story, as I promised, and thenwe'll play cards."
"Yes, but let's have the story first!" cried the general.
"Prince," said Nastasia Philipovna, unexpectedly turning toMuishkin, "here are my old friends, Totski and General Epanchin,who wish to marry me off. Tell me what you think. Shall I marryor not? As you decide, so shall it be."
Totski grew white as a sheet. The general was struck dumb. Allpresent started and listened intently. Gania sat rooted to hischair.
"Marry whom?" asked the prince, faintly.
"Gavrila Ardalionovitch Ivolgin," said Nastasia, firmly andevenly.
There were a few seconds of dead silence.
The prince tried to speak, but could not form his words; a greatweight seemed to lie upon his breast and suffocate him.
"N-no! don't marry him!" he whispered at last, drawing his breathwith an effort.
"So be it, then. Gavrila Ardalionovitch," she spoke solemnly andforcibly, "you hear the prince's decision? Take it as mydecision; and let that be the end of the matter for good andall."
"Nastasia Philipovna!" cried Totski, in a quaking voice.
"Nastasia Philipovna!" said the general, in persuasive butagitated tones.
Everyone in the room fidgeted in their places, and waited to seewhat was coming next.
And you allowed it?" to the one which had startledthe company at Gania.
"Well, gentlemen!" she continued, gazing around in apparentastonishment; "what do you all look so alarmed about? Why are youso upset?"
"But--recollect, Nastasia Philipovna." stammered Totski, "yougave a promise, quite a free one, and--and you might have sparedus this. I am confused and bewildered, I know; but, in a word, atsuch a moment, and before company, and all so-so-irregular,finishing off a game with a serious matter like this, a matter ofhonour, and of heart, and--"
"I don't follow you, Afanasy Ivanovitch; you are losing yourhead. In the first place, what do you mean by 'before company'?Isn't the company good enough for you? And what's all that about'a game'? I wished to tell my little story, and I told it! Don'tyou like it? You heard what I said to the prince? 'As you decide,so it shall be!' If he had said 'yes,' I should have given myconsent! But he said 'no,' so I refused. Here was my whole lifehanging on his one word! Surely I was serious enough?"
"The prince! What on earth has the prince got to do with it? Whothe deuce is the prince?" cried the general, who could concealhis wrath no longer.
"The prince has this to do with it--that I see in him. for thefirst time in all my life, a man endowed with real truthfulnessof spirit, and I trust him. He trusted me at first sight, and Itrust him!"
"It only remains for me, then, to thank Nastasia Philipovna forthe great delicacy with which she has treated me," said Gania, aspale as death, and with quivering lips. "That is my plain duty,of course; but the prince--what has he to do in the matter?"
"I see what you are driving at," said Nastasia Philipovna. "Youimply that the prince is after the seventy-five thousand roubles--I quite understand you. Mr. Totski, I forgot to say, 'Take yourseventy-five thousand roubles'--I don't want them. I let you gofree for nothing take your freedom! You must need it. Nine yearsand three months' captivity is enough for anybody. Tomorrow Ishall start afresh--today I am a free agent for the first time inmy life.
"General, you must take your pearls back, too--give them to yourwife--here they are! Tomorrow I shall leave this flat altogether,and then there'll be no more of these pleasant little socialgatherings, ladies and gentlemen."
So saying, she scornfully rose from her seat as though to depart.
"Nastasia Philipovna! Nastasia Philipovna!"
The words burst involuntarily from every mouth. All presentstarted up in bewildered excitement; all surrounded her; all hadlistened uneasily to her wild, disconnected sentences. All feltthat something had happened, something had gone very far wrongindeed, but no one could make head or tail of the matter.
At this moment there was a furious ring at the bell, and a greatknock at the door--exactly similar to the one which had startledthe company at Gania's house in the afternoon.
So saying, she reseated herself; a strange smile played on herlips. She sat quite still, but watched the door in a fever ofimpatience.
"Rogojin and his hundred thousand roubles, no doubt of it,"muttered Ptitsin to himself.