一双蓝眼睛 英文版 A Pair of Blue Eyes
托马斯.哈代 Thomas Hardy
Chapter XXXI
'A worm i' the bud.'
One day the reviewer said, 'Let us go to the cliffs again,Elfride;' and, without consulting her wishes, he moved as if tostart at once.
'The cliff of our dreadful adventure?' she inquired, with ashudder. 'Death stares me in the face in the person of thatcliff.'
Nevertheless, so entirely had she sunk her individuality in histhat the remark was not uttered as an expostulation, and sheimmediately prepared to accompany him.
'No, not that place,' said Knight. 'It is ghastly to me, too.That other, I mean; what is its name?--Windy Beak.'
Windy Beak was the second cliff in height along that coast, and,as is frequently the case with the natural features of the globeno less than with the intellectual features of men, it enjoyed thereputation of being the first. Moreover, it was the cliff towhich Elfride had ridden with Stephen Smith, on a well-rememberedmorning of his summer visit.
So, though thought of the former cliff had caused her to shudderat the perils to which her lover and herself had there beenexposed, by being associated with Knight only it was not soobjectionable as Windy Beak. That place was worse than gloomy, itwas a perpetual reproach to her.
Sitting in this seat.''Where did he kiss you!
But not liking to refuse, she said, 'It is further than the othercliff.'
'Yes; but you can ride.'
'And will you too?'
'No, I'll walk.'
A duplicate of her original arrangement with Stephen. Somefatality must be hanging over her head. But she ceased objecting.
'Very well, Harry, I'll ride,' she said meekly.
A quarter of an hour later she was in the saddle. But howdifferent the mood from that of the former time. She had, indeed,given up her position as queen of the less to be vassal of thegreater. Here was no showing off now; no scampering out of sightwith Pansy, to perplex and tire her companion; no saucy remarks onLA BELLE DAME SANS MERCI. Elfride was burdened with the veryintensity of her love.
Knight did most of the talking along the journey. Elfridesilently listened, and entirely resigned herself to the motions ofthe ambling horse upon which she sat, alternately rising andsinking gently, like a sea bird upon a sea wave.
When they had reached the limit of a quadruped's possibilities inwalking, Knight tenderly lifted her from the saddle, tied thehorse, and rambled on with her to the seat in the rock. Knightsat down, and drew Elfride deftly beside him, and they looked overthe sea.
Two or three degrees above that melancholy and eternally levelline, the ocean horizon, hung a sun of brass, with no visiblerays, in a sky of ashen hue. It was a sky the sun did notilluminate or enkindle, as is usual at sunsets. This sheet of skywas met by the salt mass of gray water, flecked here and therewith white. A waft of dampness occasionally rose to their faces,which was probably rarefied spray from the blows of the sea uponthe foot of the cliff.
Elfride wished it could be a longer time ago that she had satthere with Stephen as her lover, and agreed to be his wife. Thesignificant closeness of that time to the present was another itemto add to the list of passionate fears which were chronic with hernow.
Yet Knight was very tender this evening, and sustained her closeto him as they sat.
Not a word had been uttered by either since sitting down, whenKnight said musingly, looking still afar--
'I wonder if any lovers in past years ever sat here with armslocked, as we do now. Probably they have, for the place seemsformed for a seat.'
Her recollection of a well-known pair who had, and the much-talked-of loss which had ensued therefrom, and how the young manhad been sent back to look for the missing article, led Elfride toglance down to her side, and behind her back. Many people wholose a trinket involuntarily give a momentary look for it inpassing the spot ever so long afterwards. They do not often findit. Elfride, in turning her head, saw something shine weakly froma crevice in the rocky sedile. Only for a few minutes during theday did the sun light the alcove to its innermost rifts and slits,but these were the minutes now, and its level rays did Elfride thegood or evil turn of revealing the lost ornament.
Elfride's thoughts instantly reverted to the words she hadunintentionally uttered upon what had been going on when theearring was lost. And she was immediately seized with a misgivingthat Knight, on seeing the object, would be reminded of her words.Her instinctive act therefore was to secure it privately.
It was so deep in the crack that Elfride could not pull it outwith her hand, though she made several surreptitious trials.
'What are you doing, Elfie?' said Knight, noticing her attempts,and looking behind him likewise.
She had relinquished the endeavour, but too late.
kiss you besides here?'churchyard-.
Knight peered into the joint from which her hand had beenwithdrawn, and saw what she had seen. He instantly took apenknife from his pocket, and by dint of probing and scrapingbrought the earring out upon open ground.
'It is not yours, surely?' he inquired.
'Yes, it is,' she said quietly.
'Well, that is a most extraordinary thing, that we should find itlike this!' Knight then remembered more circumstances; 'What, isit the one you have told me of?'
'Yes.'
The unfortunate remark of hers at the kiss came into his mind, ifeyes were ever an index to be trusted. Trying to repress thewords he yet spoke on the subject, more to obtain assurance thatwhat it had seemed to imply was not true than from a wish to pryinto bygones.
'Were you really engaged to be married to that lover?' he said,looking straight forward at the sea again.
'Yes--but not exactly. Yet I think I was.'
'O Elfride, engaged to be married!' he murmured.
'It would have been called a--secret engagement, I suppose. Butdon't look so disappointed; don't blame me.'
'No, no.'
'Why do you say "No, no," in such a way? Sweetly enough, but sobarely?'
Knight made no direct reply to this. 'Elfride, I told you once,'he said, following out his thoughts, 'that I never kissed a womanas a sweetheart until I kissed you. A kiss is not much, Isuppose, and it happens to few young people to be able to avoidall blandishments and attentions except from the one theyafterwards marry. But I have peculiar weaknesses, Elfride; andbecause I have led a peculiar life, I must suffer for it, Isuppose. I had hoped--well, what I had no right to hope inconnection with you. You naturally granted your former lover theprivileges you grant me.'
A 'yes' came from her like the last sad whisper of a breeze.
'And he used to kiss you--of course he did.'
'Yes.'
'And perhaps you allowed him a more free manner in his love-makingthan I have shown in mine.'
'No, I did not.' This was rather more alertly spoken.
'But he adopted it without being allowed?'
'Yes.'
'How much I have made of you, Elfride, and how I have kept aloof!'said Knight in deep and shaken tones. 'So many days and hours asI have hoped in you--I have feared to kiss you more than those twotimes. And he made no scruples to...'
She crept closer to him and trembled as if with cold. Her dreadthat the whole story, with random additions, would become known tohim, caused her manner to be so agitated that Knight was alarmedand perplexed into stillness. The actual innocence which made herthink so fearfully of what, as the world goes, was not a greatmatter, magnified her apparent guilt. It may have said to Knightthat a woman who was so flurried in the preliminaries must have adreadful sequel to her tale.
'I know,' continued Knight, with an indescribable drag of mannerand intonation,--'I know I am absurdly scrupulous about you--thatI want you too exclusively mine. In your past before you knew me--from your very cradle--I wanted to think you had been mine. Iwould make you mine by main force. Elfride,' he went onvehemently, 'I can't help this jealousy over you! It is my nature,and must be so, and I HATE the fact that you have been caressedbefore: yes hate it!'
She drew a long deep breath, which was half a sob. Knight's facewas hard, and he never looked at her at all, still fixing his gazefar out to sea, which the sun had now resigned to the shade. Inhigh places it is not long from sunset to night, dusk being in ameasure banished, and though only evening where they sat, it hadbeen twilight in the valleys for half an hour. Upon the dullexpanse of sea there gradually intensified itself into existencethe gleam of a distant light-ship.
'When that lover first kissed you, Elfride was it in such a placeas this?'
'Yes, it was.'
'You don't tell me anything but what I wring out of you. Why isthat? Why have you suppressed all mention of this when casualconfidences of mine should have suggested confidence in return? Onboard the Juliet, why were you so secret? It seems like being madea fool of, Elfride, to think that, when I was teaching you howdesirable it was that we should have no secrets from each other,you were assenting in words, but in act contradicting me.Confidence would have been so much more promising for ourhappiness. If you had had confidence in me, and told mewillingly, I should--be different. But you suppress everything,and I shall question you. Did you live at Endelstow at thattime?'
'Yes,' she said faintly.
'Where were you when he first kissed you?'
'Sitting in this seat.'
'Ah, I thought so!' said Knight, rising and facing her.
'And that accounts for everything--the exclamation which youexplained deceitfully, and all! Forgive the harsh word, Elfride--forgive it.' He smiled a surface smile as he continued: 'What apoor mortal I am to play second fiddle in everything and to bedeluded by fibs!'
'Oh, don't say it; don't, Harry!'
'Where did he kiss you besides here?'
'Sitting on--a tomb in the--churchyard--and other places,' sheanswered with slow recklessness.
'Never mind, never mind,' he exclaimed, on seeing her tears andperturbation. 'I don't want to grieve you. I don't care.'
But Knight did care.
'It makes no difference, you know,' he continued, seeing she didnot reply.
'I feel cold,' said Elfride. 'Shall we go home?'
'Yes; it is late in the year to sit long out of doors: we ought tobe off this ledge before it gets too dark to let us see ourfooting. I daresay the horse is impatient.'
Knight spoke the merest commonplace to her now. He had hoped tothe last moment that she would have volunteered the whole story ofher first attachment. It grew more and more distasteful to himthat she should have a secret of this nature. Such entireconfidence as he had pictured as about to exist between himselfand the innocent young wife who had known no lover's tones savehis--was this its beginning? He lifted her upon the horse, andthey went along constrainedly. The poison of suspicion was doingits work well.
An incident occurred on this homeward journey which was longremembered by both, as adding shade to shadow. Knight could notkeep from his mind the words of Adam's reproach to Eve in PARADISELOST, and at last whispered them to himself--
'Fool'd and beguiled: by him thou, I by thee!'
'What did you say?' Elfride inquired timorously.
'It was only a quotation.'
They had now dropped into a hollow, and the church tower made itsappearance against the pale evening sky, its lower part beinghidden by some intervening trees. Elfride, being denied ananswer, was looking at the tower and trying to think of somecontrasting quotation she might use to regain his tenderness.After a little thought she said in winning tones--
"Thou hast been my hope, and a strong tower for me against theenemy."'
They passed on. A few minutes later three or four birds were seento fly out of the tower.
'The strong tower moves,' said Knight, with surprise.
A corner of the square mass swayed forward, sank, and vanished. Aloud rumble followed, and a cloud of dust arose where all hadpreviously been so clear.
'The church restorers have done it!' said Elfride.
At this minute Mr. Swancourt was seen approaching them. He cameup with a bustling demeanour, apparently much engrossed by somebusiness in hand.
'We have got the tower down!' he exclaimed. 'It came ratherquicker than we intended it should. The first idea was to take itdown stone by stone, you know. In doing this the crack widenedconsiderably, and it was not believed safe for the men to standupon the walls any longer. Then we decided to undermine it, andthree men set to work at the weakest corner this afternoon. Theyhad left off for the evening, intending to give the final blow to-morrow morning, and had been home about half an hour, when down itcame. A very successful job--a very fine job indeed. But he wasa tough old fellow in spite of the crack.' Here Mr. Swancourtwiped from his face the perspiration his excitement had causedhim.
'Poor old tower!' said Elfride.
'Yes, I am sorry for it,' said Knight. 'It was an interestingpiece of antiquity--a local record of local art.'
'Ah, but my dear sir, we shall have a new one, expostulated Mr.Swancourt; 'a splendid tower--designed by a first-rate London man--in the newest style of Gothic art, and full of Christianfeeling.'
'Indeed!' said Knight.
Yet I think I was.', .
'Oh yes. Not in the barbarous clumsy architecture of thisneighbourhood; you see nothing so rough and pagan anywhere else inEngland. When the men are gone, I would advise you to go and seethe church before anything further is done to it. You can now sitin the chancel, and look down the nave through the west arch, andthrough that far out to sea. In fact,' said Mr. Swancourtsignificantly, 'if a wedding were performed at the altar to-morrowmorning, it might be witnessed from the deck of a ship on a voyageto the South Seas, with a good glass. However, after dinner, whenthe moon has risen, go up and see for yourselves.'
Knight assented with feverish readiness. He had decided withinthe last few minutes that he could not rest another night withoutfurther talk with Elfride upon the subject which now divided them:he was determined to know all, and relieve his disquiet in someway. Elfride would gladly have escaped further converse alonewith him that night, but it seemed inevitable.
tower moves,' said!
Just after moonrise they left the house. How little anyexpectation of the moonlight prospect--which was the ostensiblereason of their pilgrimage--had to do with Knight's real motive ingetting the gentle girl again upon his arm, Elfride no less thanhimself well knew.