一双蓝眼睛 英文版 A Pair of Blue Eyes
托马斯.哈代 Thomas Hardy
Chapter XXIX Page 2
The lamp had gone out and the place was in darkness. In the nextberth she could hear her stepmother breathing heavily, further onSnewson breathing more heavily still. These were the only otherlegitimate occupants of the cabin, and Mrs. Jethway must havestealthily come in by some means and retreated again, or else shehad entered an empty berth next Snewson's. The fear that this wasthe case increased Elfride's perturbation, till it assumed thedimensions of a certainty, for how could a stranger from the otherend of the ship possibly contrive to get in? Could it have been adream?
Elfride raised herself higher and looked out of the window. Therewas the sea, floundering and rushing against the ship's side justby her head, and thence stretching away, dim and moaning, into anexpanse of indistinctness; and far beyond all this two placidlights like rayless stars. Now almost fearing to turn her faceinwards again, lest Mrs. Jethway should appear at her elbow,Elfride meditated upon whether to call Snewson to keep hercompany. 'Four bells ' sounded, and she heard voices, which gaveher a little courage. It was not worth while to call Snewson.
Elfride shivered.allentered the town, which smiled as sunny?
At any rate Elfride could not stay there panting longer, at therisk of being again disturbed by that dreadful whispering. Sowrapping herself up hurriedly she emerged into the passage, and bythe aid of a faint light burning at the entrance to the saloonfound the foot of the stairs, and ascended to the deck. Drearythe place was in the extreme. It seemed a new spot altogether incontrast with its daytime self. She could see the glowworm lightfrom the binnacle, and the dim outline of the man at the wheel;also a form at the bows. Not another soul was apparent from stemto stern.
Yes, there were two more--by the bulwarks. One proved to be herHarry, the other the mate. She was glad indeed, and on drawingcloser found they were holding a low slow chat about nauticalaffairs. She ran up and slipped her hand through Knight's arm,partly for love, partly for stability.
'Elfie! not asleep?' said Knight, after moving a few steps asidewith her.
'No: I cannot sleep. May I stay here? It is so dismal down there,and--and I was afraid. Where are we now?'
'Due south of Portland Bill. Those are the lights abeam of us:look. A terrible spot, that, on a stormy night. And do you see avery small light that dips and rises to the right? That's a light-ship on the dangerous shoal called the Shambles, where many a goodvessel has gone to pieces. Between it and ourselves is the Race--a place where antagonistic currents meet and form whirlpools--aspot which is rough in the smoothest weather, and terrific in awind. That dark, dreary horizon we just discern to the left isthe West Bay, terminated landwards by the Chesil Beach.'
'What time is it, Harry?'
'Just past two.'
'Are you going below?'
'Oh no; not to-night. I prefer pure air.'
married--especially if they don't marry very young.
She fancied he might be displeased with her for coming to him atthis unearthly hour. 'I should like to stay here too, if you willallow me,' she said timidly.
'I want to ask you things.'
'Allow you, Elfie!' said Knight, putting his arm round her anddrawing her closer. 'I am twice as happy with you by my side.Yes: we will stay, and watch the approach of day.'
So they again sought out the sheltered nook, and sitting downwrapped themselves in the rug as before.
'What were you going to ask me?' he inquired, as they undulated upand down.
'Oh, it was not much--perhaps a thing I ought not to ask,' shesaid hesitatingly. Her sudden wish had really been to discover atonce whether he had ever before been engaged to be married. If hehad, she would make that a ground for telling him a little of herconduct with Stephen. Mrs. Jethway's seeming words had sodepressed the girl that she herself now painted her flight in thedarkest colours, and longed to ease her burdened mind by aninstant confession. If Knight had ever been imprudent himself, hemight, she hoped, forgive all.
'I wanted to ask you,' she went on, 'if--you had ever been engagedbefore.' She added tremulously, 'I hope you have--I mean, I don'tmind at all if you have.'
'No, I never was,' Knight instantly and heartily replied.'Elfride'--and there was a certain happy pride in his tone--'I amtwelve years older than you, and I have been about the world, and,in a way, into society, and you have not. And yet I am not sounfit for you as strict-thinking people might imagine, who wouldassume the difference in age to signify most surely an equaladdition to my practice in love-making.'
Elfride shivered.
'You are cold--is the wind too much for you?'
'No,' she said gloomily. The belief which had been her sheet-anchor in hoping for forgiveness had proved false. This accountof the exceptional nature of his experience, a matter which wouldhave set her rejoicing two years ago, chilled her now like afrost.
'You don't mind my asking you?' she continued.
'Oh no--not at all.'
'And have you never kissed many ladies?' she whispered, hoping hewould say a hundred at the least.
The time, the circumstances, and the scene were such as to drawconfidences from the most reserved. 'Elfride,' whispered Knightin reply, 'it is strange you should have asked that question. ButI'll answer it, though I have never told such a thing before. Ihave been rather absurd in my avoidance of women. I have nevergiven a woman a kiss in my life, except yourself and my mother.'The man of two and thirty with the experienced mind warmed allover with a boy's ingenuous shame as he made the confession.
'What, not one?' she faltered.
'No; not one.'
'How very strange!'
'Yes, the reverse experience may be commoner. And yet, to thosewho have observed their own sex, as I have, my case is notremarkable. Men about town are women's favourites--that's thepostulate--and superficial people don't think far enough to seethat there may be reserved, lonely exceptions.'
'Are you proud of it, Harry?'
'No, indeed. Of late years I have wished I had gone my ways andtrod out my measure like lighter-hearted men. I have thought ofhow many happy experiences I may have lost through never going towoo.'
'Then why did you hold aloof?'
'I cannot say. I don't think it was my nature to: circumstancehindered me, perhaps. I have regretted it for another reason.This great remissness of mine has had its effect upon me. Theolder I have grown, the more distinctly have I perceived that itwas absolutely preventing me from liking any woman who was not asunpractised as I; and I gave up the expectation of finding anineteenth-century young lady in my own raw state. Then I foundyou, Elfride, and l felt for the first time that my fastidiousnesswas a blessing. And it helped to make me worthy of you. I feltat once that, differing as we did in other experiences, in thismatter I resembled you. Well, aren't you glad to hear it,Elfride?'
'Yes, I am,' she answered in a forced voice. 'But I always hadthought that men made lots of engagements before they married--especially if they don't marry very young.'
'So all women think, I suppose--and rightly, indeed, of themajority of bachelors, as I said before. But an appreciableminority of slow-coach men do not--and it makes them very awkwardwhen they do come to the point. However, it didn't matter in mycase.'
'Why?' she asked uneasily.
'Because you know even less of love-making and matrimonialprearrangement than I, and so you can't draw invidious comparisonsif I do my engaging improperly.'
'I think you do it beautifully!'
'Thank you, dear. But,' continued Knight laughingly, 'youropinion is not that of an expert, which alone is of value.'
Had she answered, 'Yes, it is,' half as strongly as she felt it,Knight might have been a little astonished.
'If you had ever been engaged to be married before,' he went on,'I expect your opinion of my addresses would be different. Butthen, I should not----'
'Should not what, Harry?'
'Oh, I was merely going to say that in that case I should neverhave given myself the pleasure of proposing to you, since yourfreedom from that experience was your attraction, darling.'
'You are severe on women, are you not?'
'No, I think not. I had a right to please my taste, and that wasfor untried lips. Other men than those of my sort acquire thetaste as they get older--but don't find an Elfride----'
'What horrid sound is that we hear when we pitch forward?'
'Only the screw--don't find an Elfride as I did. To think that Ishould have discovered such an unseen flower down there in theWest--to whom a man is as much as a multitude to some women, and atrip down the English Channel like a voyage round the world!'
'And would you,' she said, and her voice was tremulous, 'havegiven up a lady--if you had become engaged to her--and then foundshe had had ONE kiss before yours--and would you have--gone awayand left her?'
'One kiss,--no, hardly for that.'
'Two?'
'Well--I could hardly say inventorially like that. Too much ofthat sort of thing certainly would make me dislike a woman. Butlet us confine our attention to ourselves, not go thinking ofmight have beens.'
So Elfride had allowed her thoughts to 'dally with false surmise,'and every one of Knight's words fell upon her like a weight.After this they were silent for a long time, gazing upon the blackmysterious sea, and hearing the strange voice of the restlesswind. A rocking to and fro on the waves, when the breeze is nottoo violent and cold, produces a soothing effect even upon themost highly-wrought mind. Elfride slowly sank against Knight, andlooking down, he found by her soft regular breathing that she hadfallen asleep. Not wishing to disturb her, he continued still,and took an intense pleasure in supporting her warm young form asit rose and fell with her every breath.
Knight fell to dreaming too, though he continued wide awake. Itwas pleasant to realize the implicit trust she placed in him, andto think of the charming innocence of one who could sink to sleepin so simple and unceremonious a manner. More than all, themusing unpractical student felt the immense responsibility he wastaking upon himself by becoming the protector and guide of such atrusting creature. The quiet slumber of her soul lent a quietnessto his own. Then she moaned, and turned herself restlessly.Presently her mutterings became distinct:
'Don't tell him--he will not love me....I did not mean anydisgrace--indeed I did not, so don't tell Harry. We were going tobe married--that was why I ran away....And he says he will nothave a kissed woman....And if you tell him he will go away, and Ishall die. I pray have mercy--Oh!'
Elfride started up wildly.
The previous moment a musical ding-dong had spread into the airfrom their right hand, and awakened her.
'What is it?' she exclaimed in terror.
'Only "eight bells,"' said Knight soothingly. 'Don't befrightened, little bird, you are safe. What have you beendreaming about?'
'I can't tell, I can't tell!' she said with a shudder. 'Oh, Idon't know what to do!'
'Stay quietly with me. We shall soon see the dawn now. Look, themorning star is lovely over there. The clouds have completelycleared off whilst you have been sleeping. What have you beendreaming of?'
'Don't you like her?'
'I don't. She doesn't like me. Where are we?'
'About south of the Exe.'
Knight said no more on the words of her dream. They watched thesky till Elfride grew calm, and the dawn appeared. It was merewan lightness first. Then the wind blew in a changed spirit, anddied away to a zephyr. The star dissolved into the day.
'That's how I should like to die,' said Elfride, rising from herseat and leaning over the bulwark to watch the star's lastexpiring gleam.
'As the lines say,' Knight replied----
'"To set as sets the morning star, which goesNot down behind the darken'd west, nor hidesObscured among the tempests of the sky,But melts away into the light of heaven."'
'Oh, other people have thought the same thing, have they? That'salways the case with my originalities--they are original to nobodybut myself.'
'Not only the case with yours. When I was a young hand atreviewing I used to find that a frightful pitfall--dilating uponsubjects I met with, which were novelties to me, and findingafterwards they had been exhausted by the thinking world when Iwas in pinafores.'
'That is delightful. Whenever I find you have done a foolishthing I am glad, because it seems to bring you a little nearer tome, who have done many.' And Elfride thought again of her enemyasleep under the deck they trod.
All up the coast, prominences singled themselves out fromrecesses. Then a rosy sky spread over the eastern sea and behindthe low line of land, flinging its livery in dashes upon the thinairy clouds in that direction. Every projection on the landseemed now so many fingers anxious to catch a little of the liquidlight thrown so prodigally over the sky, and after a fantastictime of lustrous yellows in the east, the higher elevations alongthe shore were flooded with the same hues. The bluff and barecontours of Start Point caught the brightest, earliest glow ofall, and so also did the sides of its white lighthouse, perchedupon a shelf in its precipitous front like a mediaeval saint in aniche. Their lofty neighbour Bolt Head on the left remained asyet ungilded, and retained its gray.
Then up came the sun, as it were in jerks, just to seaward of theeasternmost point of land, flinging out a Jacob's-ladder path oflight from itself to Elfride and Knight, and coating them withrays in a few minutes. The inferior dignitaries of the shore--Froward Point, Berry Head, and Prawle--all had acquired theirshare of the illumination ere this, and at length the verysmallest protuberance of wave, cliff, or inlet, even to theinnermost recesses of the lovely valley of the Dart, had itsportion; and sunlight, now the common possession of all, ceased tobe the wonderful and coveted thing it had been a short half hourbefore.
After breakfast, Plymouth arose into view, and grew distincter totheir nearing vision, the Breakwater appearing like a streak ofphosphoric light upon the surface of the sea. Elfride lookedfurtively around for Mrs. Jethway, but could discern no shape likehers. Afterwards, in the bustle of landing, she looked again withthe same result, by which time the woman had probably glided uponthe quay unobserved. Expanding with a sense of relief, Elfridewaited whilst Knight looked to their luggage, and then saw herfather approaching through the crowd, twirling his walking-stickto catch their attention. Elbowing their way to him they allentered the town, which smiled as sunny a smile upon Elfride as ithad done between one and two years earlier, when she had enteredit at precisely the same hour as the bride-elect of Stephen Smith.