怀尔德菲尔府的房客 英文版 The Tenant of Wildfell Hall
安妮.勃朗特 Anne Bronte
CHAPTER XXII Page 2
'"What is it, Lowborough?" said I, thinking he was fairly crackedat last.
'"A wife," he answered; "for I can't live alone, because my ownmind distracts me, and I can't live with you, because you take thedevil's part against me."
'"Who - I?"
'"Yes - all of you do - and you more than any of them, you know.But if I could get a wife, with fortune enough to pay off my debtsand set me straight in the world - "
'"To be sure," said I.
'"And sweetness and goodness enough," he continued, "to make hometolerable, and to reconcile me to myself, I think I should do yet.I shall never be in love again, that's certain; but perhaps thatwould be no great matter, it would enable me to choose with my eyesopen - and I should make a good husband in spite of it; but couldany one be in love with me? - that's the question. With your goodlooks and powers of fascination" (he was pleased to say), "I mighthope; but as it is, Huntingdon, do you think anybody would take me- ruined and wretched as I am?"
'"Yes, certainly."
'"Who?"
'"Why, any neglected old maid, fast sinking in despair, would bedelighted to - "
'"No, no," said he - "it must be somebody that I can love."
'"Why, you just said you never could be in love again!'
'"Well, love is not the word - but somebody that I can like. I'llsearch all England through, at all events!" he cried, with a suddenburst of hope, or desperation. "Succeed or fail, it will be betterthan rushing headlong to destruction at that d-d club: so farewellto it and you. Whenever I meet you on honest ground or under aChristian roof, I shall be glad to see you; but never more shallyou entice me to that devil's den!"
'This was shameful language, but I shook hands with him, and weparted. He kept his word; and from that time forward he has been apattern of propriety, as far as I can tell; but till lately I havenot had very much to do with him. He occasionally sought mycompany, but as frequently shrunk from it, fearing lest I shouldwile him back to destruction, and I found his not veryentertaining, especially as he sometimes attempted to awaken myconscience and draw me from the perdition he considered himself tohave escaped; but when I did happen to meet him, I seldom failed toask after the progress of his matrimonial efforts and researches,and, in general, he could give me but a poor account. The motherswere repelled by his empty coffers and his reputation for gambling,and the daughters by his cloudy brow and melancholy temper -besides, he didn't understand them; he wanted the spirit andassurance to carry his point.
'I left him at it when I went to the continent; and on my return,at the year's end, I found him still a disconsolate bachelor -though, certainly, looking somewhat less like an unblest exile fromthe tomb than before. The young ladies had ceased to be afraid ofhim, and were beginning to think him quite interesting; but themammas were still unrelenting. It was about this time, Helen, thatmy good angel brought me into conjunction with you; and then I hadeyes and ears for nobody else. But, meantime, Lowborough becameacquainted with our charming friend, Miss Wilmot - through theintervention of his good angel, no doubt he would tell you, thoughhe did not dare to fix his hopes on one so courted and admired,till after they were brought into closer contact here atStaningley, and she, in the absence of her other admirers,indubitably courted his notice and held out every encouragement tohis timid advances. Then, indeed, he began to hope for a dawn ofbrighter days; and if, for a while, I darkened his prospects bystanding between him and his sun - and so nearly plunged him againinto the abyss of despair - it only intensified his ardour andstrengthened his hopes when I chose to abandon the field in thepursuit of a brighter treasure. In a word, as I told you, he isfairly besotted. At first, he could dimly perceive her faults, andthey gave him considerable uneasiness; but now his passion and herart together have blinded him to everything but her perfections andhis amazing good fortune. Last night he came to me brimful of hisnew-found felicity:
'"Huntingdon, I am not a castaway!" said he, seizing my hand andsqueezing it like a vice. "There is happiness in store for me yet- even in this life - she loves me!"
'"Indeed!" said I. "Has she told you so?"
'"No, but I can no longer doubt it. Do you not see how pointedlykind and affectionate she is? And she knows the utmost extent ofmy poverty, and cares nothing about it! She knows all the follyand all the wickedness of my former life, and is not afraid totrust me - and my rank and title are no allurements to her; forthem she utterly disregards. She is the most generous, high-mindedbeing that can be conceived of. She will save me, body and soul,from destruction. Already, she has ennobled me in my ownestimation, and made me three times better, wiser, greater than Iwas. Oh! if I had but known her before, how much degradation andmisery I should have been spared! But what have I done to deserveso magnificent a creature?"
'And the cream of the jest,' continued Mr. Huntingdon, laughing,'is, that the artful minx loves nothing about him but his title andpedigree, and "that delightful old family seat."'
'How do you know?' said I.
'She told me so herself; she said, "As for the man himself, Ithoroughly despise him; but then, I suppose, it is time to bemaking my choice, and if I waited for some one capable of elicitingmy esteem and affection, I should have to pass my life in singleblessedness, for I detest you all!" Ha, ha! I suspect she waswrong there; but, however, it is evident she has no love for him,poor fellow.'
'Then you ought to tell him so.'
'What! and spoil all her plans and prospects, poor girl? No, no:that would be a breach of confidence, wouldn't it, Helen? Ha, ha!Besides, it would break his heart.' And he laughed again.
'Well, Mr. Huntingdon, I don't know what you see so amazinglydiverting in the matter; I see nothing to laugh at.'
'I'm laughing at you, just now, love,' said he, redoubling hismachinations.
And leaving him to enjoy his merriment alone, I touched Ruby withthe whip, and cantered on to rejoin our companions; for we had beenwalking our horses all this time, and were consequently a long waybehind. Arthur was soon at my side again; but not disposed to talkto him, I broke into a gallop. He did the same; and we did notslacken our pace till we came up with Miss Wilmot and LordLowborough, which was within half a mile of the park-gates. Iavoided all further conversation with him till we came to the endof our ride, when I meant to jump off my horse and vanish into thehouse, before he could offer his assistance; but while I wasdisengaging my habit from the crutch, he lifted me off, and held meby both hands, asserting that he would not let me go till I hadforgiven him.
'I have nothing to forgive,' said I. 'You have not injured me.'
'No, darling - God forbid that I should! but you are angry becauseit was to me that Annabella confessed her lack of esteem for herlover.'
'No, Arthur, it is not that that displeases me: it is the wholesystem of your conduct towards your friend, and if you wish me toforget it, go now, and tell him what sort of a woman it is that headores so madly, and on whom he has hung his hopes of futurehappiness.'
'I tell you, Helen, it would break his heart - it would be thedeath of him - besides being a scandalous trick to poor Annabella.There is no help for him now; he is past praying for. Besides, shemay keep up the deception to the end of the chapter; and then hewill be just as happy in the illusion as if it were reality; orperhaps he will only discover his mistake when he has ceased tolove her; and if not, it is much better that the truth should dawngradually upon him. So now, my angel, I hope I have made out aclear case, and fully convinced you that I cannot make theatonement you require. What other requisition have you to make?Speak, and I will gladly obey.'
'I have none but this,' said I, as gravely as before: 'that, infuture, you will never make a jest of the sufferings of others, andalways use your influence with your friends for their own advantageagainst their evil propensities, instead of seconding their evilpropensities against themselves.'
'I will do my utmost,' said he, 'to remember and perform theinjunctions of my angel monitress;' and after kissing both mygloved hands, he let me go.
When I entered my room, I was surprised to see Annabella Wilmotstanding before my toilet-table, composedly surveying her featuresin the glass, with one hand flirting her gold-mounted whip, and theother holding up her long habit.
'She certainly is a magnificent creature!' thought I, as I beheldthat tall, finely developed figure, and the reflection of thehandsome face in the mirror before me, with the glossy dark hair,slightly and not ungracefully disordered by the breezy ride, therich brown complexion glowing with exercise, and the black eyessparkling with unwonted brilliance. On perceiving me, she turnedround, exclaiming, with a laugh that savoured more of malice thanof mirth, - 'Why, Helen! what have you been doing so long? I cameto tell you my good fortune,' she continued, regardless of Rachel'spresence. 'Lord Lowborough has proposed, and I have beengraciously pleased to accept him. Don't you envy me, dear?'
'No, love,' said I - 'or him either,' I mentally added. 'And doyou like him, Annabella?'
'Like him! yes, to be sure - over head and ears in love!'
'Well, I hope you'll make him a good wife.'
'Thank you, my dear! And what besides do you hope?'
'I hope you will both love each other, and both be happy.'
'Thanks; and I hope you will make a very good wife to Mr.Huntingdon!' said she, with a queenly bow, and retired.
'Oh, Miss! how could you say so to her!' cried Rachel.
'Say what?' replied I.
'Why, that you hoped she would make him a good wife. I never heardsuch a thing!'
'Because I do hope it, or rather, I wish it; she's almost pasthope.'
'Well,' said she, 'I'm sure I hope he'll make her a good husband.They tell queer things about him downstairs. They were saying - '
'I know, Rachel. I've heard all about him; but he's reformed now.And they have no business to tell tales about their masters.'
'No, mum - or else, they have said some things about Mr. Huntingdontoo.'
'I won't hear them, Rachel; they tell lies.'
'Yes, mum,' said she, quietly, as she went on arranging my hair.
'Do you believe them, Rachel?' I asked, after a short pause.
'No, Miss, not all. You know when a lot of servants gets togetherthey like to talk about their betters; and some, for a bit ofswagger, likes to make it appear as though they knew more than theydo, and to throw out hints and things just to astonish the others.But I think, if I was you, Miss Helen, I'd look very well before Ileaped. I do believe a young lady can't be too careful who shemarries.'
'Of course not,' said I; 'but be quick, will you, Rachel? I wantto be dressed.'
And, indeed, I was anxious to be rid of the good woman, for I wasin such a melancholy frame I could hardly keep the tears out of myeyes while she dressed me. It was not for Lord Lowborough - it wasnot for Annabella - it was not for myself - it was for ArthurHuntingdon that they rose.
* * * * *
13th. - They are gone, and he is gone. We are to be parted formore than two months, above ten weeks! a long, long time to liveand not to see him. But he has promised to write often, and mademe promise to write still oftener, because he will be busy settlinghis affairs, and I shall have nothing better to do. Well, I thinkI shall always have plenty to say. But oh! for the time when weshall be always together, and can exchange our thoughts without theintervention of these cold go-betweens, pen, ink, and paper!
22nd. - I have had several letters from Arthur already. They arenot long, but passing sweet, and just like himself, full of ardentaffection, and playful lively humour; but there is always a 'but'in this imperfect world, and I do wish he would sometimes beserious. I cannot get him to write or speak in real, solidearnest. I don't much mind it now, but if it be always so, whatshall I do with the serious part of myself?