米德尔马契 英文版 Middlemarch
乔治.艾略特 George Eliot
CHAPTER LXX. Page 2
And who could say that the death of Raffles had been hastened?Who knew what would have saved him?
Lydgate arrived at half-past ten, in time to witness the finalpause of the breath. When he entered the room Bulstrode observeda sudden expression in his face, which was not so much surprise as arecognition that he had not judged correctly. He stood by the bedin silence for some time, with his eyes turned on the dying man,but with that subdued activity of expression which showed that hewas carrying on an inward debate.
"When did this change begin?" said he, looking at Bulstrode.
"I did not watch by him last night," said Bulstrode."I was over-worn, and left him under Mrs. Abel's care.She said that he sank into sleep between three and four o'clock.When I came in before eight he was nearly in this condition."
Lydgate did not ask another question, but watched in silence untilhe said, "It's all over."
This morning Lydgate was in a state of recovered hope and freedom.He had set out on his work with all his old animation, and felt himselfstrong enough to bear all the deficiencies of his married life.And he was conscious that Bulstrode had been a benefactor to him.But he was uneasy about this case. He had not expected it toterminate as it had done. Yet he hardly knew how to put a questionon the subject to Bulstrode without appearing to insult him;and if he examined the housekeeper--why, the man was dead.There seemed to be no use in implying that somebody's ignoranceor imprudence had killed him. And after all, he himself mightbe wrong.
He and Bulstrode rode back to Middlemarch together, talking ofmany things--chiefly cholera and the chances of the Reform Billin the House of Lords, and the firm resolve of the political Unions.Nothing was said about Raffles, except that Bulstrode mentionedthe necessity of having a grave for him in Lowick churchyard,and observed that, so far as he knew, the poor man had no connections,except Rigg, whom he had stated to be unfriendly towards him.
On returning home Lydgate had a visit from Mr. Farebrother. The Vicarhad not been in the town the day before, but the news that therewas an execution in Lydgate's house had got to Lowick by the evening,having been carried by Mr. Spicer, shoemaker and parish-clerk, who hadit from his brother, the respectable bell-hanger in Lowick Gate.Since that evening when Lydgate had come down from the billiardroom with Fred Vincy, Mr. Farebrother's thoughts about him hadbeen rather gloomy. Playing at the Green Dragon once or oftenermight have been a trifle in another man; but in Lydgate it wasone of several signs that he was getting unlike his former self.He was beginning to do things for which he had formerly even anexcessive scorn. Whatever certain dissatisfactions in marriage,which some silly tinklings of gossip had given him hints of,might have to do with this change, Mr. Farebrother felt surethat it was chiefly connected with the debts which were beingmore and more distinctly reported, and he began to fear that anynotion of Lydgate's having resources or friends in the backgroundmust be quite illusory. The rebuff he had met with in his firstattempt to win Lydgate's confidence, disinclined him to a second;but this news of the execution being actually in the house,determined the Vicar to overcome his reluctance.
Lydgate had just dismissed a poor patient, in whom he was much interested,and he came forward to put out his hand--with an open cheerfulnesswhich surprised Mr. Farebrother. Could this too be a proud rejection ofsympathy and help? Never mind; the sympathy and help should be offered.
"How are you, Lydgate? I came to see you because I had heardsomething which made me anxious about you," said the Vicar, in thetone of a good brother, only that there was no reproach in it.They were both seated by this time, and Lydgate answered immediately--
"I think I know what you mean. You had heard that there wasan execution in the house?"
"Yes; is it true?"
"It was true," said Lydgate, with an air of freedom, as if he didnot mind talking about the affair now. "But the danger is over;the debt is paid. I am out of my difficulties now: I shall be freedfrom debts, and able, I hope, to start afresh on a better plan."
"I am very thankful to hear it," said the Vicar, falling back inhis chair, and speaking with that low-toned quickness which oftenfollows the removal of a load. "I like that better than allthe news in the `Times.' I confess I came to you with a heavy heart."
"Thank you for coming," said Lydgate, cordially. "I can enjoythe kindness all the more because I am happier. I have certainlybeen a good deal crushed. I'm afraid I shall find the bruisesstill painful by-and by," he added, smiling rather sadly;"but just now I can only feel that the torture-screw is off."
Mr. Farebrother was silent for a moment, and then said earnestly,"My dear fellow, let me ask you one question. Forgive me if I takea liberty."
"I don't believe you will ask anything that ought to offend me."
"Then--this is necessary to set my heart quite at rest--you have not--have you?--in order to pay your debts, incurred another debt whichmay harass you worse hereafter?"
"No," said Lydgate, coloring slightly. "There is no reason why Ishould not tell you--since the fact is so--that the person to whom Iam indebted is Bulstrode. He has made me a very handsome advance--a thousand pounds--and he can afford to wait for repayment."
"Well, that is generous," said Mr. Farebrother, compelling himselfto approve of the man whom he disliked. His delicate feeling shrankfrom dwelling even in his thought on the fact that he had alwaysurged Lydgate to avoid any personal entanglement with Bulstrode.He added immediately, "And Bulstrode must naturally feel an interestin your welfare, after you have worked with him in a way which hasprobably reduced your income instead of adding to it. I am gladto think that he has acted accordingly."
Lydgate felt uncomfortable under these kindly suppositions.They made more distinct within him the uneasy consciousnesswhich had shown its first dim stirrings only a few hours before,that Bulstrode's motives for his sudden beneficence followingclose upon the chillest indifference might be merely selfish.He let the kindly suppositions pass. He could not tell the historyof the loan, but it was more vividly present with him than ever,as well as the fact which the Vicar delicately ignored--that thisrelation of personal indebtedness to Bulstrode was what he had oncebeen most resolved to avoid.
He began, instead of answering, to speak of his projected economies,and of his having come to look at his life from a different pointof view.
Bulstrode rode back to Middlemarch together, talking ofmany things--chiefly cholera and.
"I shall set up a surgery," he said. "I really think I madea mistaken effort in that respect. And if Rosamond will not mind,I shall take an apprentice. I don't like these things, but ifone carries them out faithfully they are not really lowering.I have had a severe galling to begin with: that will make the smallrubs seem easy."
Poor Lydgate! the "if Rosamond will not mind," which had fallenfrom him involuntarily as part of his thought, was a significantmark of the yoke he bore. But Mr. Farebrother, whose hopes enteredstrongly into the same current with Lydgate's, and who knewnothing about him that could now raise a melancholy presentiment,left him with affectionate congratulation.