米德尔马契 英文版 Middlemarch
乔治.艾略特 George Eliot
CHAPTER LXVII.
Now is there civil war within the soul:Resolve is thrust from off the sacred throneBy clamorous Needs, and Pride the grand-vizierMakes humble compact, plays the supple partOf envoy and deft-tongued apologistFor hungry rebels.
Happily Lydgate had ended by losing in the billiard-room, and broughtaway no encouragement to make a raid on luck. On the contrary,he felt unmixed disgust with himself the next day when he had topay four or five pounds over and above his gains, and he carriedabout with him a most unpleasant vision of the figure he had made,not only rubbing elbows with the men at the Green Dragon but behavingjust as they did. A philosopher fallen to betting is hardlydistinguishable from a Philistine under the same circumstances:the difference will chiefly be found in his subsequent reflections,and Lydgate chewed a very disagreeable cud in that way. His reasontold him how the affair might have been magnified into ruin by aslight change of scenery--if it had been a gambling-house that hehad turned into, where chance could be clutched with both handsinstead of being picked up with thumb and fore-finger. Nevertheless,though reason strangled the desire to gamble, there remainedthe feeling that, with an assurance of luck to the needful amount,he would have liked to gamble, rather than take the alternativewhich was beginning to urge itself as inevitable.
That alternative was to apply to Mr. Bulstrode. Lydgate hadso many times boasted both to himself and others that he wastotally independent of Bulstrode, to whose plans he had lenthimself solely because they enabled him to carry out his own ideasof professional work and public benefit--he had so constantlyin their personal intercourse had his pride sustained by the sensethat he was making a good social use of this predominating banker,whose opinions he thought contemptible and whose motives oftenseemed to him an absurd mixture of contradictory impressions--that he had been creating for himself strong ideal obstaclesto the proffering of any considerable request to him on his own account.
Still, early in March his affairs were at that pass in which men beginto say that their oaths were delivered in ignorance, and to perceivethat the act which they had called impossible to them is becomingmanifestly possible. With Dover's ugly security soon to be putin force, with the proceeds of his practice immediately absorbedin paying back debts, and with the chance, if the worst were known,of daily supplies being refused on credit, above all with thevision of Rosamond's hopeless discontent continually haunting him,Lydgate had begun to see that he should inevitably bend himself to askhelp from somebody or other. At first he had considered whether heshould write to Mr. Vincy; but on questioning Rosamond he found that,as he had suspected, she had already applied twice to her father,the last time being since the disappointment from Sir Godwin;and papa had said that Lydgate must look out for himself. "Papa saidhe had come, with one bad year after another, to trade more andmore on borrowed capital, and had had to give up many indulgences;he could not spare a single hundred from the charges of his family.He said, let Lydgate ask Bulstrode: they have always been handand glove."
Indeed, Lydgate himself had come to the conclusion that if hemust end by asking for a free loan, his relations with Bulstrode,more at least than with any other man, might take the shape of aclaim which was not purely personal. Bulstrode had indirectlyhelped to cause the failure of his practice, and had also beenhighly gratified by getting a medical partner in his plans:--but who among us ever reduced himself to the sort of dependencein which Lydgate now stood, without trying to believe that he hadclaims which diminished the humiliation of asking? It was truethat of late there had seemed to be a new languor of interestin Bulstrode about the Hospital; but his health had got worse,and showed signs of a deep-seated nervous affection. In other respectshe did not appear to be changed: he had always been highly polite,but Lydgate had observed in him from the first a marked coldness abouthis marriage and other private circumstances, a coldness which hehad hitherto preferred to any warmth of familiarity between them.He deferred the intention from day to day, his habit of acting on hisconclusions being made infirm by his repugnance to every possibleconclusion and its consequent act. He saw Mr. Bulstrode often,but he did not try to use any occasion for his private purpose.At one moment he thought, "I will write a letter: I prefer that toany circuitous talk;" at another he thought, "No; if I were talkingto him, I could make a retreat before any signs of disinclination."
Still the days passed and no letter was written, no specialinterview sought. In his shrinking from the humiliation of adependent attitude towards Bulstrode, he began to familiarize hisimagination with another step even more unlike his remembered self.He began spontaneously to consider whether it would be possibleto carry out that puerile notion of Rosamond's which had often madehim angry, namely, that they should quit Middlemarch without seeinganything beyond that preface. The question came--"Would any manbuy the practice of me even now, for as little as it is worth?Then the sale might happen as a necessary preparation for going away."
have given."my prospect," said Lydgate, rising andspeaking bitterly, "even if it were a more agreeable thing.
But against his taking this step, which he still felt to bea contemptible relinquishment of present work, a guilty turningaside from what was a real and might be a widening channel forworthy activity, to start again without any justified destination,there was this obstacle, that the purchaser, if procurable at all,might not be quickly forthcoming. And afterwards? Rosamond ina poor lodging, though in the largest city or most distant town,would not find the life that could save her from gloom,and save him from the reproach of having plunged her into it.For when a man is at the foot of the hill in his fortunes, he maystay a long while there in spite of professional accomplishment.In the British climate there is no incompatibility between scientificinsight and furnished lodgings: the incompatibility is chieflybetween scientific ambition and a wife who objects to that kindof residence.
But in the midst of his hesitation, opportunity came to decide him.A note from Mr. Bulstrode requested Lydgate to call on him atthe Bank. A hypochondriacal tendency had shown itself in thebanker's constitution of late; and a lack of sleep, which wasreally only a slight exaggeration of an habitual dyspeptic symptom,had been dwelt on by him as a sign of threatening insanity.He wanted to consult Lydgate without delay on that particular morning,although he had nothing to tell beyond what he had told before.He listened eagerly to what Lydgate had to say in dissipationof his fears, though this too was only repetition; and this momentin which Bulstrode was receiving a medical opinion with a senseof comfort, seemed to make the communication of a personal need tohim easier than it had been in Lydgate's contemplation beforehand.He had been insisting that it would be well for Mr. Bulstrode to relaxhis attention to business.
"One sees how any mental strain, however slight, may affecta delicate frame," said Lydgate at that stage of the consultationwhen the remarks tend to pass from the personal to the general,"by the deep stamp which anxiety will make for a time even onthe young and vigorous. I am naturally very strong; yet Ihave been thoroughly shaken lately by an accumulation of trouble."
"I presume that a constitution in the susceptible state in whichmine at present is, would be especially liable to fall a victimto cholera, if it visited our district. And since its appearancenear London, we may well besiege the Mercy-seat for our protection,"said Mr. Bulstrode, not intending to evade Lydgate's allusion,but really preoccupied with alarms about himself.
"You have at all events taken your share in using good practicalprecautions for the town, and that is the best mode of askingfor protection," said Lydgate, with a strong distaste forthe broken metaphor and bad logic of the banker's religion,somewhat increased by the apparent deafness of his sympathy.But his mind had taken up its long-prepared movement towardsgetting help, and was not yet arrested. He added, "The townhas done well in the way of cleansing, and finding appliances;and I think that if the cholera should come, even our enemieswill admit that the arrangements in the Hospital are a public good."
"Truly," said Mr. Bulstrode, with some coldness. "With regard towhat you say, Mr. Lydgate, about the relaxation of my mental labor,I have for some time been entertaining a purpose to that effect--a purpose of a very decided character. I contemplate at leasta temporary withdrawal from the management of much business,whether benevolent or commercial. Also I think of changing my residencefor a time: probably I shall close or let `The Shrubs,' and takesome place near the coast--under advice of course as to salubrity.That would be a measure which you would recommend?"
"Oh yes," said Lydgate, falling backward in his chair,with ill-repressed impatience under the banker's pale earnesteyes and intense preoccupation with himself.
"I have for some time felt that I should open this subject with you inrelation to our Hospital," continued Bulstrode. "Under the circumstancesI have indicated, of course I must cease to have any personal sharein the management, and it is contrary to my views of responsibilityto continue a large application of means to an institution which Icannot watch over and to some extent regulate. I shall therefore,in case of my ultimate decision to leave Middlemarch, consider that Iwithdraw other support to the New Hospital than that which will subsistin the fact that I chiefly supplied the expenses of building it,and have contributed further large sums to its successful working."
Lydgate's thought, when Bulstrode paused according to his wont,was, "He has perhaps been losing a good deal of money."This was the most plausible explanation of a speech which had causedrather a startling change in his expectations. He said in reply--
"The loss to the Hospital can hardly be made up, I fear."
"Hardly," returned Bulstrode, in the same deliberate, silvery tone;"except by some changes of plan. The only person who may be certainlycounted on as willing to increase her contributions is Mrs. Casaubon.I have had an interview with her on the subject, and I have pointedout to her, as I am about to do to you, that it will be desirable to wina more general support to the New Hospital by a change of system."Another pause, but Lydgate did not speak.
"The change I mean is an amalgamation with the Infirmary,so that the New Hospital shall be regarded as a special additionto the elder institution, having the same directing board.It will be necessary, also, that the medical management of thetwo shall be combined. In this way any difficulty as to theadequate maintenance of our new establishment will be removed;the benevolent interests of the town will cease to be divided."
Mr. Bulstrode had lowered his eyes from Lydgate's face to the buttonsof his coat as he again paused.
"No doubt that is a good device as to ways and means," said Lydgate,with an edge of irony in his tone. "But I can't be expectedto rejoice in it at once, since one of the first results will bethat the other medical men will upset or interrupt my methods,if it were only because they are mine."
"I myself, as you know, Mr. Lydgate, highly valued the opportunityof new and independent procedure which you have diligently employed:the original plan, I confess, was one which I had much at heart,under submission to the Divine Will. But since providentialindications demand a renunciation from me, I renounce."
Bulstrode showed a rather exasperating ability in this conversation.The broken metaphor and bad logic of motive which had stirredhis hearer's contempt were quite consistent with a mode of puttingthe facts which made it difficult for Lydgate to vent his ownindignation and disappointment. After some rapid reflection,he only asked--
"What did Mrs. Casaubon say?"
"That was the further statement which I wished to make to you,"said Bulstrode, who had thoroughly prepared his ministerial explanation."She is, you are aware, a woman of most munificent disposition,and happily in possession--not I presume of great wealth, but offunds which she can well spare. She has informed me that thoughshe has destined the chief part of those funds to another purpose,she is willing to consider whether she cannot fully take my placein relation to the Hospital. But she wishes for ample time to matureher thoughts on the subject, and I have told her that there is no needfor haste--that, in fact, my own plans are not yet absolute."
Lydgate was ready to say, "If Mrs. Casaubon would take your place,there would be gain, instead of loss." But there was stilla weight on his mind which arrested this cheerful candor.He replied, "I suppose, then, that I may enter into the subjectwith Mrs. Casaubon."
"Precisely; that is what she expressly desires. Her decision,she says, will much depend on what you can tell her. But notat present: she is, I believe, just setting out on a journey.I have her letter here," said Mr. Bulstrode, drawing it out,and reading from it. "`I am immediately otherwise engaged,' she says.`I am going into Yorkshire with Sir James and Lady Chettam; and theconclusions I come to about some land which I am to see there mayaffect my power of contributing to the Hospital.' Thus, Mr. Lydgate,there is no haste necessary in this matter; but I wished to appriseyou beforehand of what may possibly occur."
Mr. Bulstrode returned the letter to his side-pocket, and changedhis attitude as if his business were closed. Lydgate, whose renewedhope about the Hospital only made him more conscious of the factswhich poisoned his hope, felt that his effort after help, if madeat all, must be made now and vigorously.
"I am much obliged to you for giving me full notice," he said,with a firm intention in his tone, yet with an interruptedness inhis delivery which showed that he spoke unwillingly. "The highestobject to me is my profession, and I had identified the Hospital withthe best use I can at present make of my profession. But the bestuse is not always the same with monetary success. Everything whichhas made the Hospital unpopular has helped with other causes--I think they are all connected with my professional zeal--to make meunpopular as a practitioner. I get chiefly patients who can't pay me.I should like them best, if I had nobody to pay on my own side."Lydgate waited a little, but Bulstrode only bowed, looking athim fixedly, and he went on with the same interrupted enunciation--as if he were biting an objectional leek.
"I have slipped into money difficulties which I can see no way out of,unless some one who trusts me and my future will advance me a sumwithout other security. I had very little fortune left when Icame here. I have no prospects of money from my own family.My expenses, in consequence of my marriage, have been very muchgreater than I had expected. The result at this moment is that itwould take a thousand pounds to clear me. I mean, to free me fromthe risk of having all my goods sold in security of my largest debt--as well as to pay my other debts--and leave anything to keep usa little beforehand with our small income. I find that it is outof the question that my wife's father should make such an advance.That is why I mention my position to--to the only other man whomay be held to have some personal connection with my prosperityor ruin."
Lydgate hated to hear himself. But he had spoken now, and had spokenwith unmistakable directness. Mr. Bulstrode replied without haste,but also without hesitation.
"I am grieved, though, I confess, not surprised by this information,Mr. Lydgate. For my own part, I regretted your alliance with mybrother-in-law's family, which has always been of prodigal habits,and which has already been much indebted to me for sustainmentin its present position. My advice to you, Mr. Lydgate, would be,that instead of involving yourself in further obligations,and continuing a doubtful struggle, you should simply becomea bankrupt."
"That would not improve my prospect," said Lydgate, rising andspeaking bitterly, "even if it were a more agreeable thing in itself."
"It is always a trial," said Mr. Bulstrode; "but trial, my dear sir,is our portion here, and is a needed corrective. I recommend youto weigh the advice I have given."
"Thank you," said Lydgate, not quite knowing what he said."I have occupied you too long. Good-day."