米德尔马契 英文版 Middlemarch
乔治.艾略特 George Eliot
CHAPTER LVI. Page 2
"If you don't think well of me, Tim, never mind; that's neither herenor there now. Things may be bad for the poor man--bad they are;but I want the lads here not to do what will make things worsefor themselves. The cattle may have a heavy load, but it won'thelp 'em to throw it over into the roadside pit, when it's partlytheir own fodder."
"We war on'y for a bit o' foon," said Hiram, who was beginningto see consequences. "That war all we war arter."
"Well, promise me not to meddle again, and I'll see that nobodyinforms against you."
"I'n ne'er meddled, an' I'n no call to promise," said Timothy.
"No, but the rest. Come, I'm as hard at work as any of youto-day, and I can't spare much time. Say you'll be quiet withoutthe constable."
"Aw, we wooant meddle--they may do as they loike for oos"--were the forms in which Caleb got his pledges; and then he hastenedback to Fred, who had followed him, and watched him in the gateway.
They went to work, and Fred helped vigorously. His spirits had risen,and he heartily enjoyed a good slip in the moist earth underthe hedgerow, which soiled his perfect summer trousers. Was it hissuccessful onset which had elated him, or the satisfaction of helpingMary's father? Something more. The accidents of the morning hadhelped his frustrated imagination to shape an employment for himselfwhich had several attractions. I am not sure that certain fibresin Mr. Garth's mind had not resumed their old vibration towardsthe very end which now revealed itself to Fred. For the effectiveaccident is but the touch of fire where there is oil and tow; and ital ways appeared to Fred that the railway brought the needed touch.But they went on in silence except when their business demanded speech.At last, when they had finished and were walking away, Mr. Garth said--
"A young fellow needn't be a B. A. to do this sort of work, eh, Fred?"
"I wish I had taken to it before I had thought of being a B. A.,"said Fred. He paused a moment, and then added, more hesitatingly,"Do you think I am too old to learn your business, Mr. Garth?"
"My business is of many sorts, my boy," said Mr. Garth, smiling."A good deal of what I know can only come from experience:you can't learn it off as you learn things out of a book.But you are young enough to lay a foundation yet." Caleb pronouncedthe last sentence emphatically, but paused in some uncertainty.He had been under the impression lately that Fred had made up his mindto enter the Church.
"You do think I could do some good at it, if I were to try?"said Fred, more eagerly.
"That depends," said Caleb, turning his head on one side and loweringhis voice, with the air of a man who felt himself to be sayingsomething deeply religious. "You must be sure of two things:you must love your work, and not be always looking over the edgeof it, wanting your play to begin. And the other is, you must notbe ashamed of your work, and think it would be more honorable to youto be doing something else. You must have a pride in your own workand in learning to do it well, and not be always saying, There's thisand there's that--if I had this or that to do, I might make somethingof it. No matter what a man is--I wouldn't give twopence for him"--here Caleb's mouth looked bitter, and he snapped his fingers--"whether he was the prime minister or the rick-thatcher, if hedidn't do well what he undertook to do."
"I can never feel that I should do that in being a clergyman,"said Fred, meaning to take a step in argument.
"Then let it alone, my boy," said Caleb, abruptly, "else you'llnever be easy. Or, if you _are_ easy, you'll be a poor stick."
"That is very nearly what Mary thinks about it," said Fred, coloring."I think you must know what I feel for Mary, Mr. Garth: I hopeit does not displease you that I have always loved her betterthan any one else, and that I shall never love any one as I love her."
The expression of Caleb's face was visibly softening while Fred spoke.But he swung his head with a solemn slowness, and said--
"That makes things more serious, Fred, if you want to take Mary'shappiness into your keeping."
"I know that, Mr. Garth," said Fred, eagerly, "and I would do anythingfor _her_. She says she will never have me if I go into the Church;and I shall be the most miserable devil in the world if I lose all hopeof Mary. Really, if I could get some other profession, business--anything that I am at all fit for, I would work hard, I would deserveyour good opinion. I should like to have to do with outdoor things.I know a good deal about land and cattle already. I used to believe,you know--though you will think me rather foolish for it--that Ishould have land of my own. I am sure knowledge of that sort wouldcome easily to me, especially if I could be under you in any way."
"Softly, my boy," said Caleb, having the image of "Susan" beforehis eyes. "What have you said to your father about all this?"
"Nothing, yet; but I must tell him. I am only waiting to knowwhat I can do instead of entering the Church. I am very sorry todisappoint him, but a man ought to be allowed to judge for himselfwhen he is four-and-twenty. How could I know when I was fifteen,what it would be right for me to do now? My education was a mistake."
"But hearken to this, Fred," said Caleb. "Are you sure Maryis fond of you, or would ever have you?"
"I asked Mr. Farebrother to talk to her, because she had forbidden me--I didn't know what else to do," said Fred, apologetically. "And hesays that I have every reason to hope, if I can put myself in anhonorable position--I mean, out of the Church I dare say you think itunwarrantable in me, Mr. Garth, to be troubling you and obtruding myown wishes about Mary, before I have done anything at all for myself.Of course I have not the least claim--indeed, I have already a debtto you which will never be discharged, even when I have been,able to pay it in the shape of money."
"Yes, my boy, you have a claim," said Caleb, with much feelingin his voice. "The young ones have always a claim on the old tohelp them forward. I was young myself once and had to do withoutmuch help; but help would have been welcome to me, if it had beenonly for the fellow-feeling's sake. But I must consider. Come tome to-morrow at the office, at nine o'clock. At the office, mind."
Mr. Garth would take no important step without consulting Susan,but it must be confessed that before he reached home he hadtaken his resolution. With regard to a large number of mattersabout which other men are decided or obstinate, he was the mosteasily manageable man in the world. He never knew what meathe would choose, and if Susan had said that they ought to livein a four-roomed cottage, in order to save, he would have said,"Let us go," without inquiring into details. But where Caleb'sfeeling and judgment strongly pronounced, he was a ruler;and in spite of his mildness and timidity in reproving, every oneabout him knew that on the exceptional occasions when he chose,he was absolute. He never, indeed, chose to be absolute except onsome one else's behalf. On ninety-nine points Mrs. Garth decided,but on the hundredth she was often aware that she would have to performthe singularly difficult task of carrying out her own principle,and to make herself subordinate.
have made me very proud and happy, Susan, and Ishould have been ?
"It is come round as I thought, Susan," said Caleb, when they wereseated alone in the evening. He had already narrated the adventurewhich had brought about Fred's sharing in his work, but had keptback the further result. "The children _are_ fond of each other--I mean, Fred and Mary."
Mrs. Garth laid her work on her knee, and fixed her penetratingeyes anxiously on her husband.
"After we'd done our work, Fred poured it all out to me. He can'tbear to be a clergyman, and Mary says she won't have him if he is one;and the lad would like to be under me and give his mind to business.And I've determined to take him and make a man of him."
"Caleb!" said Mrs. Garth, in a deep contralto, expressive ofresigned astonishment.
"It's a fine thing to do," said Mr. Garth, settling himselffirmly against the back of his chair, and grasping the elbows."I shall have trouble with him, but I think I shall carryit through. The lad loves Mary, and a true love for a goodwoman is a great thing, Susan. It shapes many a rough fellow."
"Has Mary spoken to you on the subject?" said Mrs Garth, secretly alittle hurt that she had to be informed on it herself.
"Not a word. I asked her about Fred once; I gave her a bit of a warning.But she assured me she would never marry an idle self-indulgent man--nothing since. But it seems Fred set on Mr. Farebrother to talk to her,because she had forbidden him to speak himself, and Mr. Farebrotherhas found out that she is fond of Fred, but says he must not bea clergyman. Fred's heart is fixed on Mary, that I can see:it gives me a good opinion of the lad--and we always liked him, Susan."
"It is a pity for Mary, I think," said Mrs. Garth.
"Why--a pity?"
"Because, Caleb, she might have had a man who is worth twentyFred Vincy's."
"Ah?" said Caleb, with surprise.
"I firmly believe that Mr. Farebrother is attached to her,and meant to make her an offer; but of course, now that Fred hasused him as an envoy, there is an end to that better prospect."There was a severe precision in Mrs. Garth's utterance. She was vexedand disappointed, but she was bent on abstaining from useless words.
Caleb was silent a few moments under a conflict of feelings.He looked at the floor and moved his head and hands in accompanimentto some inward argumentation. At last he said--
"That would have made me very proud and happy, Susan, and Ishould have been glad for your sake. I've always felt that yourbelongings have never been on a level with you. But you took me,though I was a plain man."
youthe means of rising, that's all."-what other.
"I took the best and cleverest man I had ever known," said Mrs. Garth,convinced that _she_ would never have loved any one who cameshort of that mark.
"Well, perhaps others thought you might have done better.But it would have been worse for me. And that is what touches meclose about Fred. The lad is good at bottom, and clever enoughto do, if he's put in the right way; and he loves and honors mydaughter beyond anything, and she has given him a sort of promiseaccording to what he turns out. I say, that young man's soul isin my hand; and I'll do the best I can for him, so help me God!It's my duty, Susan."
Mrs. Garth was not given to tears, but there was a large onerolling down her face before her husband had finished. It camefrom the pressure of various feelings, in which there was muchaffection and some vexation. She wiped it away quickly, saying--
"Few men besides you would think it a duty to add to their anxietiesin that way, Caleb."
"That signifies nothing--what other men would think. I've gota clear feeling inside me, and that I shall follow; and I hopeyour heart will go with me, Susan, in making everything as lightas can be to Mary, poor child."
Caleb, leaning back in his chair, looked with anxious appeal towardshis wife. She rose and kissed him, saying, "God bless you, Caleb!Our children have a good father."
But she went out and had a hearty cry to make up for the suppressionof her words. She felt sure that her husband's conduct wouldbe misunderstood, and about Fred she was rational and unhopeful.Which would turn out to have the more foresight in it--her rationalityor Caleb's ardent generosity?
When Fred went to the office the next morning, there was a testto be gone through which he was not prepared for.
"Now Fred," said Caleb, "you will have some desk-work. I have alwaysdone a good deal of writing myself, but I can't do without help,and as I want you to understand the accounts and get the values intoyour head, I mean to do without another clerk. So you must buckle to.How are you at writing and arithmetic?"
Fred felt an awkward movement of the heart; he had not thoughtof desk-work; but he was in a resolute mood, and not going to shrink."I'm not afraid of arithmetic, Mr. Garth: it always came easily to me.I think you know my writing."
"Let us see," said Caleb, taking up a pen, examining it carefullyand handing it, well dipped, to Fred with a sheet of ruled paper."Copy me a line or two of that valuation, with the figures atthe end."
At that time the opinion existed that it was beneath a gentlemanto write legibly, or with a hand in the least suitable to a clerk.Fred wrote the lines demanded in a hand as gentlemanly as that of anyviscount or bishop of the day: the vowels were all alike and theconsonants only distinguishable as turning up or down, the strokeshad a blotted solidity and the letters disdained to keep the line--in short, it was a manuscript of that venerable kind easy to interpretwhen you know beforehand what the writer means.
As Caleb looked on, his visage showed a growing depression,but when Fred handed him the paper he gave something like a snarl,and rapped the paper passionately with the back of his hand.Bad work like this dispelled all Caleb's mildness.
"The deuce!" he exclaimed, snarlingly. "To think that this isa country where a man's education may cost hundreds and hundreds,and it turns you out this!" Then in a more pathetic tone,pushing up his spectacles and looking at the unfortunate scribe,"The Lord have mercy on us, Fred, I can't put up with this!"
"What can I do, Mr. Garth?" said Fred, whose spirits had sunk very low,not only at the estimate of his handwriting, but at the visionof himself as liable to be ranked with office clerks.
"Do? Why, you must learn to form your letters and keep the line.What's the use of writing at all if nobody can understand it?"asked Caleb, energetically, quite preoccupied with the bad qualityof the work. "Is there so little business in the world that you mustbe sending puzzles over the country? But that's the way people arebrought up. I should lose no end of time with the letters some peoplesend me, if Susan did not make them out for me. It's disgusting."Here Caleb tossed the paper from him.
Any stranger peeping into the office at that moment might havewondered what was the drama between the indignant man of business,and the fine-looking young fellow whose blond complexion was gettingrather patchy as he bit his lip with mortification. Fred was strugglingwith many thoughts. Mr. Garth had been so kind and encouraging atthe beginning of their interview, that gratitude and hopefulness hadbeen at a high pitch, and the downfall was proportionate. He had notthought of desk-work--in fact, like the majority of young gentlemen,he wanted an occupation which should be free from disagreeables.I cannot tell what might have been the consequences if he had notdistinctly promised himself that he would go to Lowick to seeMary and tell her that he was engaged to work under her father.He did not like to disappoint himself there.
"I am very sorry," were all the words that he could muster.But Mr. Garth was already relenting.
"We must make the best of it, Fred," he began, with a return to hisusual quiet tone. "Every man can learn to write. I taught myself.Go at it with a will, and sit up at night if the day-time isn't enough.We'll be patient, my boy. Callum shall go on with the booksfor a bit, while you are learning. But now I must be off,"said Caleb, rising. "You must let your father know our agreement.You'll save me Callum's salary, you know, when you can write;and I can afford to give you eighty pounds for the first year,and more after."
When Fred made the necessary disclosure to his parents, the relativeeffect on the two was a surprise which entered very deeply intohis memory. He went straight from Mr. Garth's office to the warehouse,rightly feeling that the most respectful way in which he could behave tohis father was to make the painful communication as gravely and formallyas possible. Moreover, the decision would be more certainly understoodto be final, if the interview took place in his father's gravesthours, which were always those spent in his private room at the warehouse.
Fred entered on the subject directly, and declared briefly what hehad done and was resolved to do, expressing at the end his regretthat he should be the cause of disappointment to his father,and taking the blame on his own deficiencies. The regret was genuine,and inspired Fred with strong, simple words.
Mr. Vincy listened in profound surprise without uttering evenan exclamation, a silence which in his impatient temperament was a signof unusual emotion. He had not been in good spirits about tradethat morning, and the slight bitterness in his lips grew intenseas he listened. When Fred had ended, there was a pause of nearlya minute, during which Mr. Vincy replaced a book in his desk and turnedthe key emphatically. Then he looked at his son steadily, and said--
"So you've made up your mind at last, sir?"
"Yes, father."
"Very well; stick to it. I've no more to say. You've thrown awayyour education, and gone down a step in life, when I had given youthe means of rising, that's all."
"I am very sorry that we differ, father. I think I can be quiteas much of a gentleman at the work I have undertaken, as if I hadbeen a curate. But I am grateful to you for wishing to do the bestfor me."
"Very well; I have no more to say. I wash my hands of you.I only hope, when you have a son of your own he will make a betterreturn for the pains you spend on him."
This was very cutting to Fred. His father was using that unfairadvantage possessed by us all when we are in a pathetic situationand see our own past as if it were simply part of the pathos.In reality, Mr. Vincy's wishes about his son had had a great dealof pride, inconsiderateness, and egoistic folly in them. But stillthe disappointed father held a strong lever; and Fred felt as if hewere being banished with a malediction.
"I hope you will not object to my remaining at home, sir?" he said,after rising to go; "I shall have a sufficient salary to pay formy board, as of course I should wish to do."
"Board be hanged!" said Mr. Vincy, recovering himself in his disgustat the notion that Fred's keep would be missed at his table."Of course your mother will want you to stay. But I shall keep nohorse for you, you understand; and you will pay your own tailor.You will do with a suit or two less, I fancy, when you have to payfor 'em."
Fred lingered; there was still something to be said. At last it came.
"I hope you will shake hands with me, father, and forgive methe vexation I have caused you."
Mr. Vincy from his chair threw a quick glance upward at his son,who had advanced near to him, and then gave his hand, saying hurriedly,"Yes, yes, let us say no more."
Fred went through much more narrative and explanation with his mother,but she was inconsolable, having before her eyes what perhaps her husbandhad never thought of, the certainty that Fred would marry Mary Garth,that her life would henceforth be spoiled by a perpetual infusionof Garths and their ways, and that her darling boy, with his beautifulface and stylish air "beyond anybody else's son in Middlemarch,"would be sure to get like that family in plainness of appearanceand carelessness about his clothes. To her it seemed that therewas a Garth conspiracy to get possession of the desirable Fred,but she dared not enlarge on this opinion, because a slight hintof it had made him "fly out" at her as he had never done before.Her temper was too sweet for her to show any anger, but she feltthat her happiness had received a bruise, and for several days merelyto look at Fred made her cry a little as if he were the subjectof some baleful prophecy. Perhaps she was the slower to recoverher usual cheerfulness because Fred had warned her that she mustnot reopen the sore question with his father, who had acceptedhis decision and forgiven him. If her husband had been vehementagainst Fred, she would have been urged into defence of her darling.It was the end of the fourth day when Mr. Vincy said to her--
"Come, Lucy, my dear, don't be so down-hearted. You always havespoiled the boy, and you must go on spoiling him."
"Nothing ever did cut me so before, Vincy," said the wife, her fairthroat and chin beginning to tremble again, "only his illness."
"Pooh, pooh, never mind! We must expect to have trouble withour children. Don't make it worse by letting me see you out of spirits."
"Well, I won't," said Mrs. Vincy, roused by this appeal andadjusting herself with a little shake as of a bird which laysdown its ruffled plumage.
"It won't do to begin making a fuss about one," said Mr. Vincy,wishing to combine a little grumbling with domestic cheerfulness."There's Rosamond as well as Fred."
"Yes, poor thing. I'm sure I felt for her being disappointedof her baby; but she got over it nicely."
"Baby, pooh! I can see Lydgate is making a mess of his practice,and getting into debt too, by what I hear. I shall have Rosamondcoming to me with a pretty tale one of these days. But they'llget no money from me, I know. Let _his_ family help him.I never did like that marriage. But it's no use talking. Ring thebell for lemons, and don't look dull any more, Lucy. I'll drive youand Louisa to Riverston to-morrow."