简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER VII
My first quarter at Lowood seemed an age; and not the goldenage either; it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties inhabituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear offailure in these points harassed me worse than the physical hardshipsof my lot; though these were no trifles.
During January, February, and part of March, the deep snows,and, after their melting, the almost impassable roads, preventedour stirring beyond the garden walls, except to go to church; butwithin these limits we had to pass an hour every day in the openair. Our clothing was insufficient to protect us from the severecold: we had no boots, the snow got into our shoes and meltedthere: our ungloved hands became numbed and covered with chilblains,as were our feet: I remember well the distracting irritation Iendured from this cause every evening, when my feet inflamed; andthe torture of thrusting the swelled, raw, and stiff toes into my shoesin the morning. Then the scanty supply of food was distressing:with the keen appetites of growing children, we had scarcelysufficient to keep alive a delicate invalid. From this deficiencyof nourishment resulted an abuse, which pressed hardly on the youngerpupils: whenever the famished great girls had an opportunity, theywould coax or menace the little ones out of their portion. Manya time I have shared between two claimants the precious morsel ofbrown bread distributed at tea-time; and after relinquishing to athird half the contents of my mug of coffee, I have swallowed theremainder with an accompaniment of secret tears, forced from me bythe exigency of hunger.
Sundays were dreary days in that wintry season. We had to walktwo miles to Brocklebridge Church, where our patron officiated.We set out cold, we arrived at church colder: during the morningservice we became almost paralysed. It was too far to returnto dinner, and an allowance of cold meat and bread, in the samepenurious proportion observed in our ordinary meals, was servedround between the services.
At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed andhilly road, where the bitter winter wind, blowing over a range ofsnowy summits to the north, almost flayed the skin from our faces.
I can remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along ourdrooping line, her plaid cloak, which the frosty wind fluttered,gathered close about her, and encouraging us, by precept andexample, to keep up our spirits, and march forward, as she said,"like stalwart soldiers. " The other teachers, poor things, weregenerally themselves too much dejected to attempt the task ofcheering others.
How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when we gotback! But, to the little ones at least, this was denied: eachhearth in the schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a doublerow of great girls, and behind them the younger children crouchedin groups, wrapping their starved arms in their pinafores.
A little solace came at tea-time, in the shape of a double rationof bread -- a whole, instead of a half, slice -- with the deliciousaddition of a thin scrape of butter: it was the hebdomadal treatto which we all looked forward from Sabbath to Sabbath. I generallycontrived to reserve a moiety of this bounteous repast for myself;but the remainder I was invariably obliged to part with.
I have not yet alluded to the visits of Mr. Brocklehurst; and indeedthat gentleman was from home during the greater part of the firstmonth after my arrival; perhaps prolonging his stay with his friendthe archdeacon: his absence was a relief to me. I need not saythat I had my own reasons for dreading his coming: but come hedid at last.
One afternoon (I had then been three weeks at Lowood), as I was sittingwith a slate in my hand, puzzling over a sum in long division, myeyes, raised in abstraction to the window, caught sight of a figurejust passing: I recognised almost instinctively that gaunt outline;and when, two minutes after, all the school, teachers included,rose en masse, it was not necessary for me to look up in order toascertain whose entrance they thus greeted. A long stride measuredthe schoolroom, and presently beside Miss Temple, who herselfhad risen, stood the same black column which had frowned on me soominously from the hearthrug of Gateshead. I now glanced sidewaysat this piece of architecture. Yes, I was right: it was Mr.Brocklehurst, buttoned up in a surtout, and looking longer, narrower,and more rigid than ever.
I had my own reasons for being dismayed at this apparition; toowell I remembered the perfidious hints given by Mrs. Reed about mydisposition, &c. ; the promise pledged by Mr. Brocklehurst to appriseMiss Temple and the teachers of my vicious nature. All alongI had been dreading the fulfilment of this promise, -- I had beenlooking out daily for the "Coming Man, " whose information respectingmy past life and conversation was to brand me as a bad child forever: now there he was.
He stood at Miss Temple's side; he was speaking low in her ear: I didnot doubt he was making disclosures of my villainy; and I watchedher eye with painful anxiety, expecting every moment to see itsdark orb turn on me a glance of repugnance and contempt. I listenedtoo; and as I happened to be seated quite at the top of the room,I caught most of what he said: its import relieved me from immediateapprehension.
"I suppose, Miss Temple, the thread I bought at Lowton will do;it struck me that it would be just of the quality for the calicochemises, and I sorted the needles to match. You may tell MissSmith that I forgot to make a memorandum of the darning needles,but she shall have some papers sent in next week; and she is not,on any account, to give out more than one at a time to each pupil:if they have more, they are apt to be careless and lose them. And,O ma'am! I wish the woollen stockings were better looked to! --when I was here last, I went into the kitchen-garden and examinedthe clothes drying on the line; there was a quantity of black hosein a very bad state of repair: from the size of the holes in themI was sure they had not been well mended from time to time. "
He paused.
"Your directions shall be attended to, sir, " said Miss Temple.
"And, ma'am, " he continued, "the laundress tells me some of thegirls have two clean tuckers in the week: it is too much; therules limit them to one. "
"I think I can explain that circumstance, sir. Agnes and CatherineJohnstone were invited to take tea with some friends at Lowtonlast Thursday, and I gave them leave to put on clean tuckers forthe occasion. "
Mr. Brocklehurst nodded.
"Well, for once it may pass; but please not to let the circumstanceoccur too often. And there is another thing which surprised me;I find, in settling accounts with the housekeeper, that a lunch,consisting of bread and cheese, has twice been served out tothe girls during the past fortnight. How is this? I looked overthe regulations, and I find no such meal as lunch mentioned. Whointroduced this innovation? and by what authority?"
"I must be responsible for the circumstance, sir, " replied MissTemple: "the breakfast was so ill prepared that the pupils couldnot possibly eat it; and I dared not allow them to remain fastingtill dinner-time. "
"Madam, allow me an instant. You are aware that my plan in bringingup these girls is, not to accustom them to habits of luxury andindulgence, but to render them hardy, patient, self-denying. Shouldany little accidental disappointment of the appetite occur, suchas the spoiling of a meal, the under or the over dressing of adish, the incident ought not to be neutralised by replacing withsomething more delicate the comfort lost, thus pampering the bodyand obviating the aim of this institution; it ought to be improvedto the spiritual edification of the pupils, by encouraging themto evince fortitude under temporary privation. A brief address onthose occasions would not be mistimed, wherein a judicious instructorwould take the opportunity of referring to the sufferings of theprimitive Christians; to the torments of martyrs; to the exhortationsof our blessed Lord Himself, calling upon His disciples to takeup their cross and follow Him; to His warnings that man shall notlive by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of themouth of God; to His divine consolations, "If ye suffer hunger orthirst for My sake, happy are ye. " Oh, madam, when you put breadand cheese, instead of burnt porridge, into these children's mouths,you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little think howyou starve their immortal souls!"
Mr. Brocklehurst again paused -- perhaps overcome by his feelings.Miss Temple had looked down when he first began to speak to her;but she now gazed straight before her, and her face, naturally paleas marble, appeared to be assuming also the coldness and fixity ofthat material; especially her mouth, closed as if it would haverequired a sculptor's chisel to open it, and her brow settledgradually into petrified severity.
Meantime, Mr. Brocklehurst, standing on the hearth with his handsbehind his back, majestically surveyed the whole school. Suddenlyhis eye gave a blink, as if it had met something that either dazzledor shocked its pupil; turning, he said in more rapid accentsthan he had hitherto used -
"Miss Temple, Miss Temple, what -- WHAT is that girl with curledhair? Red hair, ma'am, curled -- curled all over?" And extendinghis cane he pointed to the awful object, his hand shaking as hedid so.
"It is Julia Severn, " replied Miss Temple, very quietly.
"Julia Severn, ma'am! And why has she, or any other, curled hair?Why, in defiance of every precept and principle of this house,does she conform to the world so openly -- here in an evangelical,charitable establishment -- as to wear her hair one mass of curls?"
"Julia's hair curls naturally, " returned Miss Temple, still morequietly.
"Naturally! Yes, but we are not to conform to nature; I wishthese girls to be the children of Grace: and why that abundance?I have again and again intimated that I desire the hair to bearranged closely, modestly, plainly. Miss Temple, that girl's hairmust be cut off entirely; I will send a barber to-morrow: and Isee others who have far too much of the excrescence -- that tallgirl, tell her to turn round. Tell all the first form to rise upand direct their faces to the wall. "
Miss Temple passed her handkerchief over her lips, as if to smoothaway the involuntary smile that curled them; she gave the order,however, and when the first class could take in what was requiredof them, they obeyed. Leaning a little back on my bench, I couldsee the looks and grimaces with which they commented on thismanoeuvre: it was a pity Mr. Brocklehurst could not see them too;he would perhaps have felt that, whatever he might do with theoutside of the cup and platter, the inside was further beyond hisinterference than he imagined.
He scrutinised the reverse of these living medals some five minutes,then pronounced sentence. These words fell like the knell of doom -
"All those top-knots must be cut off. "
Miss Temple seemed to remonstrate.
"Madam, " he pursued, "I have a Master to serve whose kingdom is notof this world: my mission is to mortify in these girls the lustsof the flesh; to teach them to clothe themselves with shame-facednessand sobriety, not with braided hair and costly apparel; and eachof the young persons before us has a string of hair twisted inplaits which vanity itself might have woven; these, I repeat,must be cut off; think of the time wasted, of -- "
Mr. Brocklehurst was here interrupted: three other visitors, ladies,now entered the room. They ought to have come a little sooner tohave heard his lecture on dress, for they were splendidly attiredin velvet, silk, and furs. The two younger of the trio (fine girlsof sixteen and seventeen) had grey beaver hats, then in fashion,shaded with ostrich plumes, and from under the brim of this gracefulhead-dress fell a profusion of light tresses, elaborately curled;the elder lady was enveloped in a costly velvet shawl, trimmed withermine, and she wore a false front of French curls.
These ladies were deferentially received by Miss Temple, as Mrs.and the Misses Brocklehurst, and conducted to seats of honour at thetop of the room. It seems they had come in the carriage with theirreverend relative, and had been conducting a rummaging scrutiny ofthe room upstairs, while he transacted business with the housekeeper,questioned the laundress, and lectured the superintendent. Theynow proceeded to address divers remarks and reproofs to Miss Smith,who was charged with the care of the linen and the inspection ofthe dormitories: but I had no time to listen to what they said;other matters called off and enchanted my attention.
Hitherto, while gathering up the discourse of Mr. Brocklehurst andMiss Temple, I had not, at the same time, neglected precautions tosecure my personal safety; which I thought would be effected, ifI could only elude observation. To this end, I had sat well backon the form, and while seeming to be busy with my sum, had held myslate in such a manner as to conceal my face: I might have escapednotice, had not my treacherous slate somehow happened to slip frommy hand, and falling with an obtrusive crash, directly drawn everyeye upon me; I knew it was all over now, and, as I stooped to pickup the two fragments of slate, I rallied my forces for the worst.It came.
"A careless girl!" said Mr. Brocklehurst, and immediately after-- "It is the new pupil, I perceive. " And before I could drawbreath, "I must not forget I have a word to say respecting her. "Then aloud: how loud it seemed to me! "Let the child who brokeher slate come forward!"
Of my own accord I could not have stirred; I was paralysed: butthe two great girls who sit on each side of me, set me on my legsand pushed me towards the dread judge, and then Miss Temple gentlyassisted me to his very feet, and I caught her whispered counsel -
"Don't be afraid, Jane, I saw it was an accident; you shall not bepunished. "
The kind whisper went to my heart like a dagger.
"Another minute, and she will despise me for a hypocrite, " thoughtI; and an impulse of fury against Reed, Brocklehurst, and Co.bounded in my pulses at the conviction. I was no Helen Burns.
"Fetch that stool, " said Mr. Brocklehurst, pointing to a very highone from which a monitor had just risen: it was brought.
"Place the child upon it. "
And I was placed there, by whom I don't know: I was in no conditionto note particulars; I was only aware that they had hoisted me upto the height of Mr. Brocklehurst's nose, that he was within a yardof me, and that a spread of shot orange and purple silk pelissesand a cloud of silvery plumage extended and waved below me.
Mr. Brocklehurst hemmed.
"Ladies, " said he, turning to his family, "Miss Temple, teachers,and children, you all see this girl?"
Of course they did; for I felt their eyes directed like burning-glassesagainst my scorched skin.
"You see she is yet young; you observe she possesses the ordinaryform of childhood; God has graciously given her the shape that Hehas given to all of us; no signal deformity points her out as amarked character. Who would think that the Evil One had alreadyfound a servant and agent in her? Yet such, I grieve to say, isthe case. "
A pause -- in which I began to steady the palsy of my nerves, andto feel that the Rubicon was passed; and that the trial, no longerto be shirked, must be firmly sustained.
"My dear children, " pursued the black marble clergyman, with pathos,"this is a sad, a melancholy occasion; for it becomes my duty towarn you, that this girl, who might be one of God's own lambs, isa little castaway: not a member of the true flock, but evidentlyan interloper and an alien. You must be on your guard againsther; you must shun her example; if necessary, avoid her company,exclude her from your sports, and shut her out from your converse.Teachers, you must watch her: keep your eyes on her movements,weigh well her words, scrutinise her actions, punish her body tosave her soul: if, indeed, such salvation be possible, for (mytongue falters while I tell it) this girl, this child, the nativeof a Christian land, worse than many a little heathen who says itsprayers to Brahma and kneels before Juggernaut -- this girl is --a liar!"
Now came a pause of ten minutes, during which I, by this time inperfect possession of my wits, observed all the female Brocklehurstsproduce their pocket-handkerchiefs and apply them to their optics,while the elderly lady swayed herself to and fro, and the twoyounger ones whispered, "How shocking!" Mr. Brocklehurst resumed.
"This I learned from her benefactress; from the pious and charitablelady who adopted her in her orphan state, reared her as her owndaughter, and whose kindness, whose generosity the unhappy girlrepaid by an ingratitude so bad, so dreadful, that at last herexcellent patroness was obliged to separate her from her own youngones, fearful lest her vicious example should contaminate theirpurity: she has sent her here to be healed, even as the Jewsof old sent their diseased to the troubled pool of Bethesda; and,teachers, superintendent, I beg of you not to allow the waters tostagnate round her. "
With this sublime conclusion, Mr. Brocklehurst adjusted the top buttonof his surtout, muttered something to his family, who rose, bowedto Miss Temple, and then all the great people sailed instate from the room. Turning at the door, my judge said -
"Let her stand half-an-hour longer on that stool, and let no onespeak to her during the remainder of the day. "
There was I, then, mounted aloft; I, who had said I could not bearthe shame of standing on my natural feet in the middle of the room,was now exposed to general view on a pedestal of infamy. Whatmy sensations were no language can describe; but just as they allrose, stifling my breath and constricting my throat, a girl cameup and passed me: in passing, she lifted her eyes. What a strangelight inspired them! What an extraordinary sensation that raysent through me! How the new feeling bore me up! It was as if amartyr, a hero, had passed a slave or victim, and imparted strengthin the transit. I mastered the rising hysteria, lifted up my head,and took a firm stand on the stool. Helen Burns asked some slightquestion about her work of Miss Smith, was chidden for the trivialityof the inquiry, returned to her place, and smiled at me as sheagain went by. What a smile! I remember it now, and I know thatit was the effluence of fine intellect, of true courage; it lit upher marked lineaments, her thin face, her sunken grey eye, like areflection from the aspect of an angel. Yet at that moment HelenBurns wore on her arm "the untidy badge;" scarcely an hour ago Ihad heard her condemned by Miss Scatcherd to a dinner of bread andwater on the morrow because she had blotted an exercise in copyingit out. Such is the imperfect nature of man! such spots are thereon the disc of the clearest planet; and eyes like Miss Scatcherd'scan only see those minute defects, and are blind to the fullbrightness of the orb.