简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER VI
The next day commenced as before, getting up and dressing byrushlight; but this morning we were obliged to dispense with theceremony of washing; the water in the pitchers was frozen. A changehad taken place in the weather the preceding evening, and a keennorth-east wind, whistling through the crevices of our bedroomwindows all night long, had made us shiver in our beds, and turnedthe contents of the ewers to ice.
Before the long hour and a half of prayers and Bible-readingwas over, I felt ready to perish with cold. Breakfast-time cameat last, and this morning the porridge was not burnt; the qualitywas eatable, the quantity small. How small my portion seemed! Iwished it had been doubled.
In the course of the day I was enrolled a member of the fourth class,and regular tasks and occupations were assigned me: hitherto, Ihad only been a spectator of the proceedings at Lowood; I was nowto become an actor therein. At first, being little accustomed tolearn by heart, the lessons appeared to me both long and difficult;the frequent change from task to task, too, bewildered me; andI was glad when, about three o'clock in the afternoon, Miss Smithput into my hands a border of muslin two yards long, together withneedle, thimble, &c. , and sent me to sit in a quiet corner of theschoolroom, with directions to hem the same. At that hour most ofthe others were sewing likewise; but one class still stood roundMiss Scatcherd's chair reading, and as all was quiet, the subjectof their lessons could be heard, together with the manner in whicheach girl acquitted herself, and the animadversions or commendationsof Miss Scatcherd on the performance. It was English history:among the readers I observed my acquaintance of the verandah: atthe commencement of the lesson, her place had been at the top ofthe class, but for some error of pronunciation, or some inattentionto stops, she was suddenly sent to the very bottom. Even in thatobscure position, Miss Scatcherd continued to make her an objectof constant notice: she was continually addressing to her suchphrases as the following:-
"Burns" (such it seems was her name: the girls here were allcalled by their surnames, as boys are elsewhere), "Burns, you arestanding on the side of your shoe; turn your toes out immediately. ""Burns, you poke your chin most unpleasantly; draw it in. " "Burns,I insist on your holding your head up; I will not have you beforeme in that attitude, " &c. &c.
A chapter having been read through twice, the books were closedand the girls examined. The lesson had comprised part of the reignof Charles I. , and there were sundry questions about tonnage andpoundage and ship-money, which most of them appeared unable toanswer; still, every little difficulty was solved instantly whenit reached Burns: her memory seemed to have retained the substanceof the whole lesson, and she was ready with answers on every point.I kept expecting that Miss Scatcherd would praise her attention;but, instead of that, she suddenly cried out -
"You dirty, disagreeable girl! you have never cleaned your nailsthis morning!"
Burns made no answer: I wondered at her silence. "Why, " thoughtI, "does she not explain that she could neither clean her nailsnor wash her face, as the water was frozen?"
"Hardened girl!" exclaimed Miss Scatcherd; "nothing can correctyou of your slatternly habits: carry the rod away. "
Burns obeyed: I looked at her narrowly as she emerged from thebook-closet; she was just putting back her handkerchief into herpocket, and the trace of a tear glistened on her thin cheek.
The play-hour in the evening I thought the pleasantest fractionof the day at Lowood: the bit of bread, the draught of coffeeswallowed at five o'clock had revived vitality, if it had notsatisfied hunger: the long restraint of the day was slackened;the schoolroom felt warmer than in the morning -- its fires beingallowed to burn a little more brightly, to supply, in some measure,the place of candles, not yet introduced: the ruddy gloaming, thelicensed uproar, the confusion of many voices gave one a welcomesense of liberty.
On the evening of the day on which I had seen Miss Scatcherd flogher pupil, Burns, I wandered as usual among the forms and tablesand laughing groups without a companion, yet not feeling lonely:when I passed the windows, I now and then lifted a blind, and lookedout; it snowed fast, a drift was already forming against the lowerpanes; putting my ear close to the window, I could distinguish fromthe gleeful tumult within, the disconsolate moan of the wind outside.
Probably, if I had lately left a good home and kind parents, thiswould have been the hour when I should most keenly have regrettedthe separation; that wind would then have saddened my heart; thisobscure chaos would have disturbed my peace! as it was, I derivedfrom both a strange excitement, and reckless and feverish, I wishedthe wind to howl more wildly, the gloom to deepen to darkness, andthe confusion to rise to clamour.
Jumping over forms, and creeping under tables, I made my way toone of the fire-places; there, kneeling by the high wire fender,I found Burns, absorbed, silent, abstracted from all round her bythe companionship of a book, which she read by the dim glare ofthe embers.
"Is it still 'Rasselas'?" I asked, coming behind her.
And in five minutes more she shut it up. I was glad of this."Now, " thought I, "I can perhaps get her to talk. " I sat down byher on the floor.
"What is your name besides Burns?"
"Helen. "
Lowood?"certainly, not often; because Miss.
"Do you come a long way from here?"
"I come from a place farther north, quite on the borders of Scotland. "
"Will you ever go back?"
"I hope so; but nobody can be sure of the future. "
"You must wish to leave Lowood?"
"No! why should I? I was sent to Lowood to get an education; andit would be of no use going away until I have attained that object. "
"But that teacher, Miss Scatcherd, is so cruel to you?"
"Cruel? Not at all! She is severe: she dislikes my faults. "
"And if I were in your place I should dislike her; I should resisther. If she struck me with that rod, I should get it from herhand; I should break it under her nose. "
"Probably you would do nothing of the sort: but if you did, Mr.Brocklehurst would expel you from the school; that would be a greatgrief to your relations. It is far better to endure patiently asmart which nobody feels but yourself, than to commit a hasty actionwhose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you; andbesides, the Bible bids us return good for evil. "
"But then it seems disgraceful to be flogged, and to be sent tostand in the middle of a room full of people; and you are such agreat girl: I am far younger than you, and I could not bear it. "
"Yet it would be your duty to bear it, if you could not avoid it:it is weak and silly to say you CANNOT BEAR what it is your fateto be required to bear. "
I heard her with wonder: I could not comprehend this doctrine ofendurance; and still less could I understand or sympathise withthe forbearance she expressed for her chastiser. Still I felt thatHelen Burns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes. Isuspected she might be right and I wrong; but I would not ponderthe matter deeply; like Felix, I put it off to a more convenientseason.
"You say you have faults, Helen: what are they? To me you seemvery good. "
"Then learn from me, not to judge by appearances: I am, as MissScatcherd said, slatternly; I seldom put, and never keep, things,in order; I am careless; I forget rules; I read when I shouldlearn my lessons; I have no method; and sometimes I say, like you,I cannot BEAR to be subjected to systematic arrangements. Thisis all very provoking to Miss Scatcherd, who is naturally neat,punctual, and particular. "
"And cross and cruel, " I added; but Helen Burns would not admit myaddition: she kept silence.
"Is Miss Temple as severe to you as Miss Scatcherd?"
At the utterance of Miss Temple's name, a soft smile flitted overher grave face.
"Miss Temple is full of goodness; it pains her to be severe to anyone, even the worst in the school: she sees my errors, and tellsme of them gently; and, if I do anything worthy of praise, she givesme my meed liberally. One strong proof of my wretchedly defectivenature is, that even her expostulations, so mild, so rational, havenot influence to cure me of my faults; and even her praise, thoughI value it most highly, cannot stimulate me to continued care andforesight. "
"That is curious, " said I, "it is so easy to be careful. "
"For YOU I have no doubt it is. I observed you in your class thismorning, and saw you were closely attentive: your thoughts neverseemed to wander while Miss Miller explained the lesson and questionedyou. Now, mine continually rove away; when I should be listeningto Miss Scatcherd, and collecting all she says with assiduity, oftenI lose the very sound of her voice; I fall into a sort of dream.Sometimes I think I am in Northumberland, and that the noises Ihear round me are the bubbling of a little brook which runs throughDeepden, near our house; -- then, when it comes to my turn to reply,I have to be awakened; and having heard nothing of what was readfor listening to the visionary brook, I have no answer ready. "
"Yet how well you replied this afternoon. "
"It was mere chance; the subject on which we had been reading hadinterested me. This afternoon, instead of dreaming of Deepden, Iwas wondering how a man who wished to do right could act so unjustlyand unwisely as Charles the First sometimes did; and I thought whata pity it was that, with his integrity and conscientiousness, hecould see no farther than the prerogatives of the crown. If he hadbut been able to look to a distance, and see how what they call thespirit of the age was tending! Still, I like Charles -- I respecthim -- I pity him, poor murdered king! Yes, his enemies were theworst: they shed blood they had no right to shed. How dared theykill him!"
Helen was talking to herself now: she had forgotten I could notvery well understand her -- that I was ignorant, or nearly so, ofthe subject she discussed. I recalled her to my level.
"And when Miss Temple teaches you, do your thoughts wander then?"
"No, certainly, not often; because Miss Temple has generally somethingto say which is newer than my own reflections; her language issingularly agreeable to me, and the information she communicatesis often just what I wished to gain. "
"Well, then, with Miss Temple you are good?"
"Yes, in a passive way: I make no effort; I follow as inclinationguides me. There is no merit in such goodness. "
"A great deal: you are good to those who are good to you. It isall I ever desire to be. If people were always kind and obedientto those who are cruel and unjust, the wicked people would haveit all their own way: they would never feel afraid, and so theywould never alter, but would grow worse and worse. When we arestruck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard;I am sure we should -- so hard as to teach the person who struckus never to do it again. "
"You will change your mind, I hope, when you grow older: as yetyou are but a little untaught girl. "
"But I feel this, Helen; I must dislike those who, whatever I doto please them, persist in disliking me; I must resist those whopunish me unjustly. It is as natural as that I should love thosewho show me affection, or submit to punishment when I feel it isdeserved. "
"Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine, but Christians andcivilised nations disown it. "
"How? I don't understand. "
"It is not violence that best overcomes hate -- nor vengeance thatmost certainly heals injury. "
"What then?"
"Read the New Testament, and observe what Christ says, and how Heacts; make His word your rule, and His conduct your example. "
"What does He say?"
"Love your enemies; bless them that curse you; do good to them thathate you and despitefully use you. "
"Then I should love Mrs. Reed, which I cannot do; I should blessher son John, which is impossible. "
In her turn, Helen Burns asked me to explain, and I proceededforthwith to pour out, in my own way, the tale of my sufferingsand resentments. Bitter and truculent when excited, I spoke as Ifelt, without reserve or softening.
Helen heard me patiently to the end: I expected she would thenmake a remark, but she said nothing.
"Well, " I asked impatiently, "is not Mrs. Reed a hard-hearted, badwoman?"
"She has been unkind to you, no doubt; because you see, shedislikes your cast of character, as Miss Scatcherd does mine; buthow minutely you remember all she has done and said to you! Whata singularly deep impression her injustice seems to have madeon your heart! No ill-usage so brands its record on my feelings.Would you not be happier if you tried to forget her severity,together with the passionate emotions it excited? Life appearsto me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registeringwrongs. We are, and must be, one and all, burdened with faults inthis world: but the time will soon come when, I trust, we shallput them off in putting off our corruptible bodies; when debasementand sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, andonly the spark of the spirit will remain, -- the impalpable principleof light and thought, pure as when it left the Creator to inspirethe creature: whence it came it will return; perhaps again tobe communicated to some being higher than man -- perhaps to passthrough gradations of glory, from the pale human soul to brightento the seraph! Surely it will never, on the contrary, be sufferedto degenerate from man to fiend? No; I cannot believe that: Ihold another creed: which no one ever taught me, and which I seldommention; but in which I delight, and to which I cling: for itextends hope to all: it makes Eternity a rest -- a mighty home, nota terror and an abyss. Besides, with this creed, I can so clearlydistinguish between the criminal and his crime; I can so sincerelyforgive the first while I abhor the last: with this creed revengenever worries my heart, degradation never too deeply disgusts me,injustice never crushes me too low: I live in calm, looking tothe end. "
Helen's head, always drooping, sank a little lower as she finishedthis sentence. I saw by her look she wished no longer to talkto me, but rather to converse with her own thoughts. She was notallowed much time for meditation: a monitor, a great rough girl,presently came up, exclaiming in a strong Cumberland accent -
"Helen Burns, if you don't go and put your drawer in order, andfold up your work this minute, I'll tell Miss Scatcherd to comeand look at it!"
Helen sighed as her reverie fled, and getting up, obeyed the monitorwithout reply as without delay.