简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER XXXIII Page 2
"What can you mean? It may be of no moment to you; you havesisters and don't care for a cousin; but I had nobody; and nowthree relations, -- or two, if you don't choose to be counted, --are born into my world full-grown. I say again, I am glad!"
I walked fast through the room: I stopped, half suffocated withthe thoughts that rose faster than I could receive, comprehend,settle them:- thoughts of what might, could, would, and should be,and that ere long. I looked at the blank wall: it seemed a skythick with ascending stars, -- every one lit me to a purpose ordelight. Those who had saved my life, whom, till this hour, I hadloved barrenly, I could now benefit. They were under a yoke, --I could free them: they were scattered, -- I could reunite them:the independence, the affluence which was mine, might be theirs too.Were we not four? Twenty thousand pounds shared equally would befive thousand each, justice -- enough and to spare: justice wouldbe done, -- mutual happiness secured. Now the wealth did not weighon me: now it was not a mere bequest of coin, -- it was a legacyof life, hope, enjoyment.
How I looked while these ideas were taking my spirit by storm,I cannot tell; but I perceived soon that Mr. Rivers had placed achair behind me, and was gently attempting to make me sit down onit. He also advised me to be composed; I scorned the insinuationof helplessness and distraction, shook off his hand, and began towalk about again.
"Write to Diana and Mary to-morrow, " I said, "and tell them to comehome directly. Diana said they would both consider themselves richwith a thousand pounds, so with five thousand they will do verywell. "
"Tell me where I can get you a glass of water, " said St. John; "youmust really make an effort to tranquillise your feelings. "
"Nonsense! and what sort of an effect will the bequest have on you?Will it keep you in England, induce you to marry Miss Oliver, andsettle down like an ordinary mortal?"
"You wander: your head becomes confused. I have been too abruptin communicating the news; it has excited you beyond your strength. "
"Mr. Rivers! you quite put me out of patience: I am rational enough;it is you who misunderstand, or rather who affect to misunderstand. "
"Perhaps, if you explained yourself a little more fully, I shouldcomprehend better. "
"Explain! What is there to explain? You cannot fail to see thattwenty thousand pounds, the sum in question, divided equally betweenthe nephew and three nieces of our uncle, will give five thousandto each? What I want is, that you should write to your sistersand tell them of the fortune that has accrued to them. "
"To you, you mean. "
"I have intimated my view of the case: I am incapable of taking anyother. I am not brutally selfish, blindly unjust, or fiendishlyungrateful. Besides, I am resolved I will have a home andconnections. I like Moor House, and I will live at Moor House;I like Diana and Mary, and I will attach myself for life to Dianaand Mary. It would please and benefit me to have five thousandpounds; it would torment and oppress me to have twenty thousand;which, moreover, could never be mine in justice, though it mightin law. I abandon to you, then, what is absolutely superfluous tome. Let there be no opposition, and no discussion about it; letus agree amongst each other, and decide the point at once. "
"This is acting on first impulses; you must take days to considersuch a matter, ere your word can be regarded as valid. "
"Oh! if all you doubt is my sincerity, I am easy: you see thejustice of the case?"
"I DO see a certain justice; but it is contrary to all custom.Besides, the entire fortune is your right: my uncle gained it byhis own efforts; he was free to leave it to whom he would: he leftit to you. After all, justice permits you to keep it: you may,with a clear conscience, consider it absolutely your own. "
"With me, " said I, "it is fully as much a matter of feeling asof conscience: I must indulge my feelings; I so seldom have hadan opportunity of doing so. Were you to argue, object, and annoyme for a year, I could not forego the delicious pleasure of whichI have caught a glimpse -- that of repaying, in part, a mightyobligation, and winning to myself lifelong friends. "
"You think so now, " rejoined St. John, "because you do not knowwhat it is to possess, nor consequently to enjoy wealth: youcannot form a notion of the importance twenty thousand pounds wouldgive you; of the place it would enable you to take in society;of the prospects it would open to you: you cannot -- "
"And you, " I interrupted, "cannot at all imagine the craving I havefor fraternal and sisterly love. I never had a home, I never hadbrothers or sisters; I must and will have them now: you are notreluctant to admit me and own me, are you?"
"Jane, I will be your brother -- my sisters will be your sisters-- without stipulating for this sacrifice of your just rights. "
"Brother? Yes; at the distance of a thousand leagues! Sisters?Yes; slaving amongst strangers! I, wealthy -- gorged with gold Inever earned and do not merit! You, penniless! Famous equalityand fraternisation! Close union! Intimate attachment!"
"But, Jane, your aspirations after family ties and domestic happinessmay be realised otherwise than by the means you contemplate: youmay marry. "
"Nonsense, again! Marry! I don't want to marry, and never shallmarry. "
"That is saying too much: such hazardous affirmations are a proofof the excitement under which you labour. "
"I think I can. I know I have always loved my own sisters; andI know on what my affection for them is grounded, -- respect fortheir worth and admiration of their talents. You too have principleand mind: your tastes and habits resemble Diana's and Mary's; yourpresence is always agreeable to me; in your conversation I havealready for some time found a salutary solace. I feel I can easilyand naturally make room in my heart for you, as my third and youngestsister. "
"Thank you: that contents me for to-night. Now you had bettergo; for if you stay longer, you will perhaps irritate me afresh bysome mistrustful scruple. "
"And the school, Miss Eyre? It must now be shut up, I suppose?"
"No. I will retain my post of mistress till you get a substitute. "
He smiled approbation: we shook hands, and he took leave.
I need not narrate in detail the further struggles I had, andarguments I used, to get matters regarding the legacy settled asI wished. My task was a very hard one; but, as I was absolutelyresolved -- as my cousins saw at length that my mind was reallyand immutably fixed on making a just division of the property -- asthey must in their own hearts have felt the equity of the intention;and must, besides, have been innately conscious that in my placethey would have done precisely what I wished to do -- they yieldedat length so far as to consent to put the affair to arbitration. Thejudges chosen were Mr. Oliver and an able lawyer: both coincidedin my opinion: I carried my point. The instruments of transferwere drawn out: St. John, Diana, Mary, and I, each became possessedof a competency.