简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER IV Page 2
freezingly on mine.you may: she shall?
"Consistency, madam, is the first of Christian duties; and it hasbeen observed in every arrangement connected with the establishmentof Lowood: plain fare, simple attire, unsophisticated accommodations,hardy and active habits; such is the order of the day in the houseand its inhabitants. "
than ofall the others. "world.
"Quite right, sir. I may then depend upon this child being receivedas a pupil at Lowood, and there being trained in conformity to herposition and prospects?"
"Madam, you may: she shall be placed in that nursery of chosenplants, and I trust she will show herself grateful for the inestimableprivilege of her election. "
"I will send her, then, as soon as possible, Mr. Brocklehurst; for,I assure you, I feel anxious to be relieved of a responsibilitythat was becoming too irksome. "
"No doubt, no doubt, madam; and now I wish you good morning. Ishall return to Brocklehurst Hall in the course of a week or two:my good friend, the Archdeacon, will not permit me to leave himsooner. I shall send Miss Temple notice that she is to expect anew girl, so that there will he no difficulty about receiving her.Good-bye. "
"Good-bye, Mr. Brocklehurst; remember me to Mrs. and Miss Brocklehurst,and to Augusta and Theodore, and Master Broughton Brocklehurst. "
"I will, madam. Little girl, here is a book entitled the 'Child'sGuide, ' read it with prayer, especially that part containing 'Anaccount of the awfully sudden death of Martha G -, a naughty childaddicted to falsehood and deceit. '"
With these words Mr. Brocklehurst put into my hand a thin pamphletsewn in a cover, and having rung for his carriage, he departed.
Mrs. Reed and I were left alone: some minutes passed in silence;she was sewing, I was watching her. Mrs. Reed might be at thattime some six or seven and thirty; she was a woman of robust frame,square-shouldered and strong-limbed, not tall, and, though stout,not obese: she had a somewhat large face, the under jaw beingmuch developed and very solid; her brow was low, her chin large andprominent, mouth and nose sufficiently regular; under her lighteyebrows glimmered an eye devoid of ruth; her skin was dark andopaque, her hair nearly flaxen; her constitution was sound as a bell-- illness never came near her; she was an exact, clever manager;her household and tenantry were thoroughly under her control;her children only at times defied her authority and laughed it toscorn; she dressed well, and had a presence and port calculated toset off handsome attire.
Sitting on a low stool, a few yards from her arm-chair, I examinedher figure; I perused her features. In my hand I held thetract containing the sudden death of the Liar, to which narrativemy attention had been pointed as to an appropriate warning. Whathad just passed; what Mrs. Reed had said concerning me to Mr.Brocklehurst; the whole tenor of their conversation, was recent,raw, and stinging in my mind; I had felt every word as acutely asI had heard it plainly, and a passion of resentment fomented nowwithin me.
inthe world except John Reed; and this .
Mrs. Reed looked up from her work; her eye settled on mine, herfingers at the same time suspended their nimble movements.
"Go out of the room; return to the nursery, " was her mandate. Mylook or something else must have struck her as offensive, for shespoke with extreme though suppressed irritation. I got up, I wentto the door; I came back again; I walked to the window, across theroom, then close up to her.
SPEAK I must: I had been trodden on severely, and MUST turn: buthow? What strength had I to dart retaliation at my antagonist?I gathered my energies and launched them in this blunt sentence -
"I am not deceitful: if I were, I should say I loved you; but Ideclare I do not love you: I dislike you the worst of anybody inthe world except John Reed; and this book about the liar, you maygive to your girl, Georgiana, for it is she who tells lies, andnot I. "
Mrs. Reed's hands still lay on her work inactive: her eye of icecontinued to dwell freezingly on mine.
"What more have you to say?" she asked, rather in the tone inwhich a person might address an opponent of adult age than such asis ordinarily used to a child.
That eye of hers, that voice stirred every antipathy I had.Shaking from head to foot, thrilled with ungovernable excitement,I continued -
"I am glad you are no relation of mine: I will never call youaunt again as long as I live. I will never come to see you whenI am grown up; and if any one asks me how I liked you, and how youtreated me, I will say the very thought of you makes me sick, andthat you treated me with miserable cruelty. "
"How dare you affirm that, Jane Eyre?"
"How dare I, Mrs. Reed? How dare I? Because it is the TRUTH. Youthink I have no feelings, and that I can do without one bit of loveor kindness; but I cannot live so: and you have no pity. I shallremember how you thrust me back -- roughly and violently thrustme back -- into the red-room, and locked me up there, to my dyingday; though I was in agony; though I cried out, while suffocatingwith distress, 'Have mercy! Have mercy, Aunt Reed!' And thatpunishment you made me suffer because your wicked boy struck me-- knocked me down for nothing. I will tell anybody who asks mequestions, this exact tale. People think you a good woman, butyou are bad, hard- hearted. YOU are deceitful!"
Ere I had finished this reply, my soul began to expand, to exult,with the strangest sense of freedom, of triumph, I ever felt. Itseemed as if an invisible bond had burst, and that I had struggledout into unhoped-for liberty. Not without cause was this sentiment:Mrs. Reed looked frightened; her work had slipped from her knee;she was lifting up her hands, rocking herself to and fro, and eventwisting her face as if she would cry.
to leave me?" miserable cruelty. "then you shall.
"Jane, you are under a mistake: what is the matter with you? Whydo you tremble so violently? Would you like to drink some water?"
"No, Mrs. Reed. "
"Is there anything else you wish for, Jane? I assure you, I desireto be your friend. "
"Not you. You told Mr. Brocklehurst I had a bad character, adeceitful disposition; and I'll let everybody at Lowood know whatyou are, and what you have done. "
"Jane, you don't understand these things: children must be correctedfor their faults. "
"Deceit is not my fault!" I cried out in a savage, high voice.
"But you are passionate, Jane, that you must allow: and now returnto the nursery -- there's a dear -- and lie down a little. "
"I am not your dear; I cannot lie down: send me to school soon,Mrs. Reed, for I hate to live here. "
"I will indeed send her to school soon, " murmured Mrs. Reed sottovoce; and gathering up her work, she abruptly quitted the apartment.
I was left there alone -- winner of the field. It was the hardestbattle I had fought, and the first victory I had gained: I stoodawhile on the rug, where Mr. Brocklehurst had stood, and I enjoyedmy conqueror's solitude. First, I smiled to myself and feltelate; but this fierce pleasure subsided in me as fast as did theaccelerated throb of my pulses. A child cannot quarrel with itselders, as I had done; cannot give its furious feelings uncontrolledplay, as I had given mine, without experiencing afterwards the pangof remorse and the chill of reaction. A ridge of lighted heath,alive, glancing, devouring, would have been a meet emblem of mymind when I accused and menaced Mrs. Reed: the same ridge, blackand blasted after the flames are dead, would have represented asmeetly my subsequent condition, when half-an-hour's silence andreflection had shown me the madness of my conduct, and the drearinessof my hated and hating position.
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromaticwine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy: its after-flavour,metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned.Willingly would I now have gone and asked Mrs. Reed's pardon; butI knew, partly from experience and partly from instinct, that wasthe way to make her repulse me with double scorn, thereby re-excitingevery turbulent impulse of my nature.
I would fain exercise some better faculty than that of fiercespeaking; fain find nourishment for some less fiendish feeling thanthat of sombre indignation. I took a book -- some Arabian tales;I sat down and endeavoured to read. I could make no sense ofthe subject; my own thoughts swam always between me and the pageI had usually found fascinating. I opened the glass-door in thebreakfast-room: the shrubbery was quite still: the black frostreigned, unbroken by sun or breeze, through the grounds. I coveredmy head and arms with the skirt of my frock, and went out to walkin a part of the plantation which was quite sequestrated; but Ifound no pleasure in the silent trees, the falling fir-cones, thecongealed relics of autumn, russet leaves, swept by past winds inheaps, and now stiffened together. I leaned against a gate, andlooked into an empty field where no sheep were feeding, where theshort grass was nipped and blanched. It was a very grey day; amost opaque sky, "onding on snaw, " canopied all; thence flakes feltit intervals, which settled on the hard path and on the hoary leawithout melting. I stood, a wretched child enough, whispering tomyself over and over again, "What shall I do? -- what shall I do?"
All at once I heard a clear voice call, "Miss Jane! where are you?Come to lunch!"
It was Bessie, I knew well enough; but I did not stir; her lightstep came tripping down the path.
"You naughty little thing!" she said. "Why don't you come whenyou are called?"
Bessie's presence, compared with the thoughts over which I had beenbrooding, seemed cheerful; even though, as usual, she was somewhatcross. The fact is, after my conflict with and victory over Mrs.Reed, I was not disposed to care much for the nursemaid's transitoryanger; and I WAS disposed to bask in her youthful lightness ofheart. I just put my two arms round her and said, "Come, Bessie!don't scold. "
The action was more frank and fearless than any I was habituatedto indulge in: somehow it pleased her.
"You are a strange child, Miss Jane, " she said, as she looked downat me; "a little roving, solitary thing: and you are going toschool, I suppose?"
I nodded.
"And won't you be sorry to leave poor Bessie?"
"What does Bessie care for me? She is always scolding me. "
"Because you're such a queer, frightened, shy little thing. Youshould be bolder. "
"What! to get more knocks?"
"Nonsense! But you are rather put upon, that's certain. My mothersaid, when she came to see me last week, that she would not likea little one of her own to be in your place. -- Now, come in, andI've some good news for you. "
"I don't think you have, Bessie. "
"Child! what do you mean? What sorrowful eyes you fix on me!Well, but Missis and the young ladies and Master John are goingout to tea this afternoon, and you shall have tea with me. I'llask cook to bake you a little cake, and then you shall help me tolook over your drawers; for I am soon to pack your trunk. Missisintends you to leave Gateshead in a day or two, and you shall choosewhat toys you like to take with you. "
"Bessie, you must promise not to scold me any more till I go. "
"Well, I will; but mind you are a very good girl, and don't beafraid of me. Don't start when I chance to speak rather sharply;it's so provoking. "
"I don't think I shall ever be afraid of you again, Bessie, becauseI have got used to you, and I shall soon have another set of peopleto dread. "
"If you dread them they'll dislike you. "
"As you do, Bessie?"
"I don't dislike you, Miss; I believe I am fonder of you than ofall the others. "
"You don't show it. "
"You little sharp thing! you've got quite a new way of talking.What makes you so venturesome and hardy?"
"Why, I shall soon be away from you, and besides" -- I was goingto say something about what had passed between me and Mrs. Reed,but on second thoughts I considered it better to remain silent onthat head.
"And so you're glad to leave me?"
"Not at all, Bessie; indeed, just now I'm rather sorry. "
"Just now! and rather! How coolly my little lady says it! Idare say now if I were to ask you for a kiss you wouldn't give itme: you'd say you'd RATHER not. "
"I'll kiss you and welcome: bend your head down. " Bessie stooped;we mutually embraced, and I followed her into the house quitecomforted. That afternoon lapsed in peace and harmony; and in theevening Bessie told me some of her most enchanting stories, and sangme some of her sweetest songs. Even for me life had its gleams ofsunshine.