简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER XXIV Page 2
"Adele may accompany us, may she not, sir?"
"I told her no. I'll have no brats! -- I'll have only you. "
"Do let her go, Mr. Rochester, if you please: it would be better. "
"Not it: she will be a restraint. "
He was quite peremptory, both in look and voice. The chill ofMrs. Fairfax's warnings, and the damp of her doubts were upon me:something of unsubstantiality and uncertainty had beset my hopes.I half lost the sense of power over him. I was about mechanicallyto obey him, without further remonstrance; but as he helped me intothe carriage, he looked at my face.
"I would far rather she went, sir. "
"Then off for your bonnet, and back like a flash of lightning!"cried he to Adele.
She obeyed him with what speed she might.
"After all, a single morning's interruption will not matter much, "said he, "when I mean shortly to claim you -- your thoughts,conversation, and company -- for life. "
Adele, when lifted in, commenced kissing me, by way of expressingher gratitude for my intercession: she was instantly stowed awayinto a corner on the other side of him. She then peeped round towhere I sat; so stern a neighbour was too restrictive to him, inhis present fractious mood, she dared whisper no observations, norask of him any information.
"Let her come to me, " I entreated: "she will, perhaps, troubleyou, sir: there is plenty of room on this side. "
He handed her over as if she had been a lapdog. "I'll send her toschool yet, " he said, but now he was smiling.
Adele heard him, and asked if she was to go to school "sansmademoiselle?"
"Yes, " he replied, "absolutely sans mademoiselle; for I am to takemademoiselle to the moon, and there I shall seek a cave in one ofthe white valleys among the volcano-tops, and mademoiselle shalllive with me there, and only me. "
"I shall gather manna for her morning and night: the plains andhillsides in the moon are bleached with manna, Adele. "
"She will want to warm herself: what will she do for a fire?"
"Fire rises out of the lunar mountains: when she is cold, I'llcarry her up to a peak, and lay her down on the edge of a crater. "
"Oh, qu' elle y sera mal -- peu comfortable! And her clothes, theywill wear out: how can she get new ones?"
Mr. Rochester professed to be puzzled. "Hem!" said he. "Whatwould you do, Adele? Cudgel your brains for an expedient. Howwould a white or a pink cloud answer for a gown, do you think? Andone could cut a pretty enough scarf out of a rainbow. "
"She is far better as she is, " concluded Adele, after musing sometime: "besides, she would get tired of living with only you inthe moon. If I were mademoiselle, I would never consent to go withyou. "
"She has consented: she has pledged her word. "
"But you can't get her there; there is no road to the moon: it isall air; and neither you nor she can fly. "
"Adele, look at that field. " We were now outside Thornfield gates,and bowling lightly along the smooth road to Millcote, where thedust was well laid by the thunderstorm, and, where the low hedgesand lofty timber trees on each side glistened green and rain-refreshed.
"In that field, Adele, I was walking late one evening abouta fortnight since -- the evening of the day you helped me to makehay in the orchard meadows; and, as I was tired with raking swaths,I sat down to rest me on a stile; and there I took out a little bookand a pencil, and began to write about a misfortune that befell melong ago, and a wish I had for happy days to come: I was writingaway very fast, though daylight was fading from the leaf, whensomething came up the path and stopped two yards off me. I lookedat it. It was a little thing with a veil of gossamer on its head.I beckoned it to come near me; it stood soon at my knee. I neverspoke to it, and it never spoke to me, in words; but I read its eyes,and it read mine; and our speechless colloquy was to this effect -
"It was a fairy, and come from Elf-land, it said; and its errandwas to make me happy: I must go with it out of the common world toa lonely place -- such as the moon, for instance -- and it noddedits head towards her horn, rising over Hay-hill: it told me ofthe alabaster cave and silver vale where we might live. I said Ishould like to go; but reminded it, as you did me, that I had nowings to fly.
"'Oh, ' returned the fairy, 'that does not signify! Here is atalisman will remove all difficulties;' and she held out a prettygold ring. 'Put it, ' she said, 'on the fourth finger of my lefthand, and I am yours, and you are mine; and we shall leave earth,and make our own heaven yonder. ' She nodded again at the moon.The ring, Adele, is in my breeches-pocket, under the disguise ofa sovereign: but I mean soon to change it to a ring again. "
"But what has mademoiselle to do with it? I don't care for thefairy: you said it was mademoiselle you would take to the moon?"
"Mademoiselle is a fairy, " he said, whispering mysteriously. WhereuponI told her not to mind his badinage; and she, on her part, evinceda fund of genuine French scepticism: denominating Mr. Rochester "unvrai menteur, " and assuring him that she made no account whateverof his "contes de fee, " and that "du reste, il n'y avait pas defees, et quand meme il y en avait:" she was sure they would neverappear to him, nor ever give him rings, or offer to live with himin the moon.
The hour spent at Millcote was a somewhat harassing one to me. Mr.Rochester obliged me to go to a certain silk warehouse: there Iwas ordered to choose half-a-dozen dresses. I hated the business,I begged leave to defer it: no -- it should be gone through withnow. By dint of entreaties expressed in energetic whispers, Ireduced the half-dozen to two: these however, he vowed he wouldselect himself. With anxiety I watched his eye rove over the gaystores: he fixed on a rich silk of the most brilliant amethyst dye,and a superb pink satin. I told him in a new series of whispers,that he might as well buy me a gold gown and a silver bonnet atonce: I should certainly never venture to wear his choice. Withinfinite difficulty, for he was stubborn as a stone, I persuaded himto make an exchange in favour of a sober black satin and pearl-greysilk. "It might pass for the present, " he said; "but he would yetsee me glittering like a parterre. "
Glad was I to get him out of the silk warehouse, and then out ofa jewellers shop: the more he bought me, the more my cheek burnedwith a sense of annoyance and degradation. As we re-entered thecarriage, and I sat back feverish and fagged, I remembered what,in the hurry of events, dark and bright, I had wholly forgotten --the letter of my uncle, John Eyre, to Mrs. Reed: his intention toadopt me and make me his legatee. "It would, indeed, be a relief, "I thought, "if I had ever so small an independency; I never canbear being dressed like a doll by Mr. Rochester, or sitting likea second Danae with the golden shower falling daily round me. Iwill write to Madeira the moment I get home, and tell my uncle JohnI am going to be married, and to whom: if I had but a prospectof one day bringing Mr. Rochester an accession of fortune, I couldbetter endure to be kept by him now. " And somewhat relieved bythis idea (which I failed not to execute that day), I ventured oncemore to meet my master's and lover's eye, which most pertinaciouslysought mine, though I averted both face and gaze. He smiled; andI thought his smile was such as a sultan might, in a blissful andfond moment, bestow on a slave his gold and gems had enriched: Icrushed his hand, which was ever hunting mine, vigorously, andthrust it back to him red with the passionate pressure.
"You need not look in that way, " I said; "if you do, I'll wearnothing but my old Lowood frocks to the end of the chapter. I'llbe married in this lilac gingham: you may make a dressing-gownfor yourself out of the pearl-grey silk, and an infinite series ofwaistcoats out of the black satin. "
He chuckled; he rubbed his hands. "Oh, it is rich to see and hearher?" he exclaimed. "Is she original? Is she piquant? I wouldnot exchange this one little English girl for the Grand Turk'swhole seraglio, gazelle-eyes, houri forms, and all!"
The Eastern allusion bit me again. "I'll not stand you an inch inthe stead of a seraglio, " I said; "so don't consider me an equivalentfor one. If you have a fancy for anything in that line, away withyou, sir, to the bazaars of Stamboul without delay, and lay outin extensive slave-purchases some of that spare cash you seem ata loss to spend satisfactorily here. "
"And what will you do, Janet, while I am bargaining for so manytons of flesh and such an assortment of black eyes?"
"I'll be preparing myself to go out as a missionary to preachliberty to them that are enslaved -- your harem inmates amongst therest. I'll get admitted there, and I'll stir up mutiny; and you,three-tailed bashaw as you are, sir, shall in a trice find yourselffettered amongst our hands: nor will I, for one, consent to cutyour bonds till you have signed a charter, the most liberal thatdespot ever yet conferred. "
pounds a year besides.I'll furnish my own wardrobe?
"I would consent to be at your mercy, Jane. "
"I would have no mercy, Mr. Rochester, if you supplicated for itwith an eye like that. While you looked so, I should be certainthat whatever charter you might grant under coercion, your firstact, when released, would be to violate its conditions. "
"Why, Jane, what would you have? I fear you will compel me to gothrough a private marriage ceremony, besides that performed at thealtar. You will stipulate, I see, for peculiar terms -- what willthey be?"
"I only want an easy mind, sir; not crushed by crowded obligations.Do you remember what you said of Celine Varens? -- of the diamonds,the cashmeres you gave her? I will not be your English CelineVarens. I shall continue to act as Adele's governess; by that Ishall earn my board and lodging, and thirty pounds a year besides.I'll furnish my own wardrobe out of that money, and youshall give me nothing but -- "
"Well, but what?"
"Your regard; and if I give you mine in return, that debt will bequit. "
"Well, for cool native impudence and pure innate pride, you haven'tyour equal, " said he. We were now approaching Thornfield. "Willit please you to dine with me to-day?" he asked, as we re-enteredthe gates.
"No, thank you, sir. "
"And what for, 'no, thank you?' if one may inquire. "
"I never have dined with you, sir: and I see no reasonwhy I should now: till -- "
"Till what? You delight in half-phrases. "
"Till I can't help it. "
"Do you suppose I eat like an ogre or a ghoul, that you dread beingthe companion of my repast?"
"I have formed no supposition on the subject, sir; but I want togo on as usual for another month. "
"You will give up your governessing slavery at once. "
"Indeed, begging your pardon, sir, I shall not. I shall just goon with it as usual. I shall keep out of your way all day, as Ihave been accustomed to do: you may send for me in the evening,when you feel disposed to see me, and I'll come then; but at noother time. "
"I want a smoke, Jane, or a pinch of snuff, to comfort me underall this, 'pour me donner une contenance, ' as Adele would say; andunfortunately I have neither my cigar-case, nor my snuff-box. Butlisten -- whisper. It is your time now, little tyrant, but it willbe mine presently; and when once I have fairly seized you, to haveand to hold, I'll just -- figuratively speaking -- attach you toa chain like this" (touching his watch-guard). "Yes, bonny weething, I'll wear you in my bosom, lest my jewel I should tyne. "
He said this as he helped me to alight from the carriage, and whilehe afterwards lifted out Adele, I entered the house, and made goodmy retreat upstairs.
He duly summoned me to his presence in the evening. I had preparedan occupation for him; for I was determined not to spend the wholetime in a tete-e-tete conversation. I remembered his fine voice;I knew he liked to sing -- good singers generally do. I wasno vocalist myself, and, in his fastidious judgment, no musician,either; but I delighted in listening when the performance was good.No sooner had twilight, that hour of romance, began to lower herblue and starry banner over the lattice, than I rose, opened thepiano, and entreated him, for the love of heaven, to give me asong. He said I was a capricious witch, and that he would rathersing another time; but I averred that no time was like the present.
"Did I like his voice?" he asked.
"Very much. " I was not fond of pampering that susceptible vanityof his; but for once, and from motives of expediency, I would e'ensoothe and stimulate it.
"Then, Jane, you must play the accompaniment. "
"Very well, sir, I will try. "
gazelle-eyes, houri forms, and all!"innate .
I did try, but was presently swept off the stool and denominated "alittle bungler. " Being pushed unceremoniously to one side -- whichwas precisely what I wished -- he usurped my place, and proceededto accompany himself: for he could play as well as sing. I hiedme to the window-recess. And while I sat there and looked out onthe still trees and dim lawn, to a sweet air was sung in mellowtones the following strain:-
"The truest love that ever heartFelt at its kindled core,Did through each vein, in quickened start,The tide of being pour.
"Her coming was my hope each day,Her parting was my pain;The chance that did her steps delayWas ice in every vein.
"I dreamed it would be nameless bliss,As I loved, loved to be;And to this object did I pressAs blind as eagerly.
"But wide as pathless was the spaceThat lay our lives between,And dangerous as the foamy raceOf ocean-surges green.
"And haunted as a robber-pathThrough wilderness or wood;For Might and Right, and Woe and Wrath,Between our spirits stood.
"I dangers dared; I hindrance scornedI omens did defy:Whatever menaced, harassed, warned,I passed impetuous by.
"On sped my rainbow, fast as light;I flew as in a dream;For glorious rose upon my sightThat child of Shower and Gleam.
"Still bright on clouds of suffering dimShines that soft, solemn joy;Nor care I now, how dense and grimDisasters gather nigh.
"I care not in this moment sweet,Though all I have rushed o'erShould come on pinion, strong and fleet,Proclaiming vengeance sore:
"Though haughty Hate should strike me down,Right, bar approach to me,And grinding Might, with furious frown,Swear endless enmity.
"My love has placed her little handWith noble faith in mine,And vowed that wedlock's sacred bandOur nature shall entwine.
"My love has sworn, with sealing kiss,With me to live -- to die;I have at last my nameless bliss.As I love -- loved am I!"
He rose and came towards me, and I saw his face all kindled, andhis full falcon-eye flashing, and tenderness and passion in everylineament. I quailed momentarily -- then I rallied. Soft scene,daring demonstration, I would not have; and I stood in peril ofboth: a weapon of defence must be prepared -- I whetted my tongue:as he reached me, I asked with asperity, "whom he was going tomarry now?"
"That was a strange question to be put by his darling Jane. "
"Indeed! I considered it a very natural and necessary one: hehad talked of his future wife dying with him. What did he meanby such a pagan idea? I had no intention of dying with him -- hemight depend on that. "
"Oh, all he longed, all he prayed for, was that I might live withhim! Death was not for such as I. "
"Indeed it was: I had as good a right to die when my time came ashe had: but I should bide that time, and not be hurried away ina suttee. "
"Would I forgive him for the selfish idea, and prove my pardon bya reconciling kiss?"
"No: I would rather be excused. "
Here I heard myself apostrophised as a "hard little thing;" andit was added, "any other woman would have been melted to marrow athearing such stanzas crooned in her praise. "
I assured him I was naturally hard -- very flinty, and that he wouldoften find me so; and that, moreover, I was determined to show himdivers rugged points in my character before the ensuing four weekselapsed: he should know fully what sort of a bargain he had made,while there was yet time to rescind it.
"Would I be quiet and talk rationally?"
"I would be quiet if he liked, and as to talking rationally, Iflattered myself I was doing that now. "
He fretted, pished, and pshawed. "Very good, " I thought; "you mayfume and fidget as you please: but this is the best plan to pursuewith you, I am certain. I like you more than I can say; but I'llnot sink into a bathos of sentiment: and with this needle ofrepartee I'll keep you from the edge of the gulf too; and, moreover,maintain by its pungent aid that distance between you and myselfmost conducive to our real mutual advantage. "
From less to more, I worked him up to considerable irritation; then,after he had retired, in dudgeon, quite to the other end of theroom, I got up, and saying, "I wish you good-night, sir, " in mynatural and wonted respectful manner, I slipped out by the side-doorand got away.
The system thus entered on, I pursued during the whole season ofprobation; and with the best success. He was kept, to be sure, rathercross and crusty; but on the whole I could see he was excellentlyentertained, and that a lamb-like submission and turtle-dovesensibility, while fostering his despotism more, would have pleasedhis judgment, satisfied his common-sense, and even suited his tasteless.
In other people's presence I was, as formerly, deferential andquiet; any other line of conduct being uncalled for: it was onlyin the evening conferences I thus thwarted and afflicted him. Hecontinued to send for me punctually the moment the clock struckseven; though when I appeared before him now, he had no suchhoneyed terms as "love" and "darling" on his lips: the best wordsat my service were "provoking puppet, " "malicious elf, " "sprite, ""changeling, " &c. For caresses, too, I now got grimaces; for apressure of the hand, a pinch on the arm; for a kiss on the cheek, asevere tweak of the ear. It was all right: at present I decidedlypreferred these fierce favours to anything more tender. Mrs.Fairfax, I saw, approved me: her anxiety on my account vanished;therefore I was certain I did well. Meantime, Mr. Rochesteraffirmed I was wearing him to skin and bone, and threatened awfulvengeance for my present conduct at some period fast coming. Ilaughed in my sleeve at his menaces. "I can keep you in reasonablecheck now, " I reflected; "and I don't doubt to be able to doit hereafter: if one expedient loses its virtue, another must bedevised. "
Yet after all my task was not an easy one; often I would rather havepleased than teased him. My future husband was becoming to me mywhole world; and more than the world: almost my hope of heaven.He stood between me and every thought of religion, as an eclipseintervenes between man and the broad sun. I could not, in thosedays, see God for His creature: of whom I had made an idol.