简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER XXIII
A splendid Midsummer shone over England: skies so pure, suns soradiant as were then seen in long succession, seldom favour evensingly, our wave-girt land. It was as if a band of Italian dayshad come from the South, like a flock of glorious passenger birds,and lighted to rest them on the cliffs of Albion. The hay wasall got in; the fields round Thornfield were green and shorn; theroads white and baked; the trees were in their dark prime; hedgeand wood, full-leaved and deeply tinted, contrasted well with thesunny hue of the cleared meadows between.
On Midsummer-eve, Adele, weary with gathering wild strawberriesin Hay Lane half the day, had gone to bed with the sun. I watchedher drop asleep, and when I left her, I sought the garden.
It was now the sweetest hour of the twenty-four:- "Day its fervidfires had wasted, " and dew fell cool on panting plain and scorchedsummit. Where the sun had gone down in simple state -- pure of thepomp of clouds -- spread a solemn purple, burning with the lightof red jewel and furnace flame at one point, on one hill-peak, andextending high and wide, soft and still softer, over half heaven.The east had its own charm or fine deep blue, and its own modestgem, a casino and solitary star: soon it would boast the moon;but she was yet beneath the horizon.
I walked a while on the pavement; but a subtle, well-known scent-- that of a cigar -- stole from some window; I saw the librarycasement open a handbreadth; I knew I might be watched thence; soI went apart into the orchard. No nook in the grounds more shelteredand more Eden-like; it was full of trees, it bloomed with flowers:a very high wall shut it out from the court, on one side; on theother, a beech avenue screened it from the lawn. At the bottom wasa sunk fence; its sole separation from lonely fields: a windingwalk, bordered with laurels and terminating in a giant horse-chestnut,circled at the base by a seat, led down to the fence. Here one couldwander unseen. While such honey-dew fell, such silence reigned,such gloaming gathered, I felt as if I could haunt such shade forever; but in threading the flower and fruit parterres at the upperpart of the enclosure, enticed there by the light the now risingmoon cast on this more open quarter, my step is stayed -- not bysound, not by sight, but once more by a warning fragrance.
Sweet-briar and southernwood, jasmine, pink, and rose have longbeen yielding their evening sacrifice of incense: this new scentis neither of shrub nor flower; it is -- I know it well -- it isMr. Rochester's cigar. I look round and I listen. I see treesladen with ripening fruit. I hear a nightingale warbling in a woodhalf a mile off; no moving form is visible, no coming step audible;but that perfume increases: I must flee. I make for the wicketleading to the shrubbery, and I see Mr. Rochester entering. I stepaside into the ivy recess; he will not stay long: he will soonreturn whence he came, and if I sit still he will never see me.
But no -- eventide is as pleasant to him as to me, and this antiquegarden as attractive; and he strolls on, now lifting the gooseberry-tree branches to look at the fruit, large as plums, with which theyare laden; now taking a ripe cherry from the wall; now stoopingtowards a knot of flowers, either to inhale their fragrance or toadmire the dew-beads on their petals. A great moth goes hummingby me; it alights on a plant at Mr. Rochester's foot: he sees it,and bends to examine it.
"Now, he has his back towards me, " thought I, "and he is occupiedtoo; perhaps, if I walk softly, I can slip away unnoticed. "
I trode on an edging of turf that the crackle of the pebbly gravelmight not betray me: he was standing among the beds at a yard ortwo distant from where I had to pass; the moth apparently engagedhim. "I shall get by very well, " I meditated. As I crossed hisshadow, thrown long over the garden by the moon, not yetrisen high, he said quietly, without turning -
"Jane, come and look at this fellow. "
I had made no noise: he had not eyes behind -- could his shadowfeel? I started at first, and then I approached him.
"Look at his wings, " said he, "he reminds me rather of a West Indianinsect; one does not often see so large and gay a night-rover inEngland; there! he is flown. "
The moth roamed away. I was sheepishly retreating also; but Mr.Rochester followed me, and when we reached the wicket, he said -
"Turn back: on so lovely a night it is a shame to sit in the house;and surely no one can wish to go to bed while sunset is thus atmeeting with moonrise. "
It is one of my faults, that though my tongue is sometimes promptenough at an answer, there are times when it sadly fails me inframing an excuse; and always the lapse occurs at some crisis, whena facile word or plausible pretext is specially wanted to get meout of painful embarrassment. I did not like to walk at this houralone with Mr. Rochester in the shadowy orchard; but I could notfind a reason to allege for leaving him. I followed with laggingstep, and thoughts busily bent on discovering a means of extrication;but he himself looked so composed and so grave also, I becameashamed of feeling any confusion: the evil -- if evil existent orprospective there was -- seemed to lie with me only; his mind wasunconscious and quiet.
"Jane, " he recommenced, as we entered the laurel walk, and slowlystrayed down in the direction of the sunk fence and the horse-chestnut,"Thornfield is a pleasant place in summer, is it not?"
"Yes, sir. "
"You must have become in some degree attached to the house, --you, who have an eye for natural beauties, and a good deal of theorgan of Adhesiveness?"
"I am attached to it, indeed. "
"And though I don't comprehend how it is, I perceive you haveacquired a degree of regard for that foolish little child Adele,too; and even for simple dame Fairfax?"
"Yes, sir; in different ways, I have an affection for both. "
"And would be sorry to part with them?"
"Yes. "
"Pity!" he said, and sighed and paused. "It is always the wayof events in this life, " he continued presently: "no sooner haveyou got settled in a pleasant resting-place, than a voice callsout to you to rise and move on, for the hour of repose is expired. "
"Must I move on, sir?" I asked. "Must I leave Thornfield?"
"I believe you must, Jane. I am sorry, Janet, but I believe indeedyou must. "
This was a blow: but I did not let it prostrate me.
"Well, sir, I shall be ready when the order to march comes. "
"It is come now -- I must give it to-night. "
"Then you ARE going to be married, sir?"
"Ex-act-ly -- pre-cise-ly: with your usual acuteness, you havehit the nail straight on the head. "
"Soon, sir?"
"Very soon, my -- that is, Miss Eyre: and you'll remember, Jane,the first time I, or Rumour, plainly intimated to you that it wasmy intention to put my old bachelor's neck into the sacred noose,to enter into the holy estate of matrimony -- to take Miss Ingramto my bosom, in short (she's an extensive armful: but that's notto the point -- one can't have too much of such a very excellentthing as my beautiful Blanche): well, as I was saying -- listen tome, Jane! You're not turning your head to look after more moths,are you? That was only a lady-clock, child, 'flying away home. 'I wish to remind you that it was you who first said to me, withthat discretion I respect in you -- with that foresight, prudence,and humility which befit your responsible and dependent position-- that in case I married Miss Ingram, both you and little Adelehad better trot forthwith. I pass over the sort of slur conveyedin this suggestion on the character of my beloved; indeed, whenyou are far away, Janet, I'll try to forget it: I shall noticeonly its wisdom; which is such that I have made it my law ofaction. Adele must go to school; and you, Miss Eyre, must get anew situation. "
"Yes, sir, I will advertise immediately: and meantime, I suppose-- " I was going to say, "I suppose I may stay here, till I findanother shelter to betake myself to:" but I stopped, feeling itwould not do to risk a long sentence, for my voice was not quiteunder command.
"In about a month I hope to be a bridegroom, " continued Mr. Rochester;"and in the interim, I shall myself look out for employment and anasylum for you. "
"Thank you, sir; I am sorry to give -- "
"Oh, no need to apologise! I consider that when a dependent doesher duty as well as you have done yours, she has a sort of claimupon her employer for any little assistance he can convenientlyrender her; indeed I have already, through my future mother-in-law,heard of a place that I think will suit: it is to undertake theeducation of the five daughters of Mrs. Dionysius O'Gall of BitternuttLodge, Connaught, Ireland. You'll like Ireland, I think: they'resuch warm-hearted people there, they say. "
"It is a long way off, sir. "
"No matter -- a girl of your sense will not object to the voyageor the distance. "
"Not the voyage, but the distance: and then the sea is a barrier -- "
"From what, Jane?"
"From England and from Thornfield: and -- "
"Well?"
"From YOU, sir. "
I said this almost involuntarily, and, with as little sanction offree will, my tears gushed out. I did not cry so as to be heard,however; I avoided sobbing. The thought of Mrs. O'Gall and BitternuttLodge struck cold to my heart; and colder the thought of all thebrine and foam, destined, as it seemed, to rush between me and themaster at whose side I now walked, and coldest the remembrance ofthe wider ocean -- wealth, caste, custom intervened between me andwhat I naturally and inevitably loved.
"It is a long way, " I again said.
"It is, to be sure; and when you get to Bitternutt Lodge, Connaught,Ireland, I shall never see you again, Jane: that's morally certain.I never go over to Ireland, not having myself much of a fancy forthe country. We have been good friends, Jane; have we not?"
"Yes, sir. "
"And when friends are on the eve of separation, they like to spendthe little time that remains to them close to each other. Come!we'll talk over the voyage and the parting quietly half-an-houror so, while the stars enter into their shining life up in heavenyonder: here is the chestnut tree: here is the bench at its oldroots. Come, we will sit there in peace to-night, though we shouldnever more be destined to sit there together. " He seated me andhimself.
"It is a long way to Ireland, Janet, and I am sorry to send mylittle friend on such weary travels: but if I can't do better,how is it to be helped? Are you anything akin to me, do you think,Jane?"
I could risk no sort of answer by this time: my heart was still.
"Because, " he said, "I sometimes have a queer feeling with regardto you -- especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if Ihad a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricablyknotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarterof your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and twohundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid thatcord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion Ishould take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, -- you'd forget me. "
"That I NEVER should, sir: You know -- " Impossible to proceed.
"Jane, do you hear that nightingale singing in the wood? Listen!"
In listening, I sobbed convulsively; for I could repress what Iendured no longer; I was obliged to yield, and I was shaken fromhead to foot with acute distress. When I did speak, it was onlyto express an impetuous wish that I had never been born, or nevercome to Thornfield.
"Because you are sorry to leave it?"
The vehemence of emotion, stirred by grief and love within me,was claiming mastery, and struggling for full sway, and assertinga right to predominate, to overcome, to live, rise, and reign atlast: yes, -- and to speak.
"I grieve to leave Thornfield: I love Thornfield:- I love it, becauseI have lived in it a full and delightful life, -- momentarily atleast. I have not been trampled on. I have not been petrified. Ihave not been buried with inferior minds, and excluded from everyglimpse of communion with what is bright and energetic and high.I have talked, face to face, with what I reverence, with what Idelight in, -- with an original, a vigorous, an expanded mind. Ihave known you, Mr. Rochester; and it strikes me with terror andanguish to feel I absolutely must be torn from you for ever. I seethe necessity of departure; and it is like looking on the necessityof death. "
"Where do you see the necessity?" he asked suddenly.
"Where? You, sir, have placed it before me. "
"In what shape?"
"In the shape of Miss Ingram; a noble and beautiful woman, -- yourbride. "
"My bride! What bride? I have no bride!"
"But you will have. "
"Yes; -- I will! -- I will!" He set his teeth.
"Then I must go:- you have said it yourself. "
"No: you must stay! I swear it -- and the oath shall be kept. "
"I tell you I must go!" I retorted, roused to something likepassion. "Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Doyou think I am an automaton? -- a machine without feelings? andcan bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and mydrop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because Iam poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless?You think wrong! -- I have as much soul as you, -- and full as muchheart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth,I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now forme to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the mediumof custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh; -- it ismy spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passedthrough the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal, -- as weare!"
"As we are!" repeated Mr. Rochester -- "so, " he added, enclosingme in his arms. Gathering me to his breast, pressing his lips onmy lips: "so, Jane!"
"Yes, so, sir, " I rejoined: "and yet not so; for you are a marriedman -- or as good as a married man, and wed to one inferior to you-- to one with whom you have no sympathy -- whom I do not believeyou truly love; for I have seen and heard you sneer at her. I wouldscorn such a union: therefore I am better than you -- let me go!"
"Where, Jane? To Ireland?"
"Yes -- to Ireland. I have spoken my mind, and can go anywherenow. "
"Jane, be still; don't struggle so, like a wild frantic bird thatis rending its own plumage in its desperation. "
"I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being withan independent will, which I now exert to leave you. "
Another effort set me at liberty, and I stood erect before him.
"And your will shall decide your destiny, " he said: "I offer youmy hand, my heart, and a share of all my possessions. "
"You play a farce, which I merely laugh at. "
"I ask you to pass through life at my side -- to be my second self,and best earthly companion. "
"For that fate you have already made your choice, and must abideby it. "
"Jane, be still a few moments: you are over-excited: I will bestill too. "
A waft of wind came sweeping down the laurel-walk, and trembledthrough the boughs of the chestnut: it wandered away -- away --to an indefinite distance -- it died. The nightingale's song wasthen the only voice of the hour: in listening to it, I again wept.Mr. Rochester sat quiet, looking at me gently and seriously.Some time passed before he spoke; he at last said -
"Come to my side, Jane, and let us explain and understand oneanother. "
"I will never again come to your side: I am torn away now, andcannot return. "
"But, Jane, I summon you as my wife: it is you only I intend tomarry. "
I was silent: I thought he mocked me.
"Come, Jane -- come hither. "
"Your bride stands between us. "
He rose, and with a stride reached me.
"My bride is here, " he said, again drawing me to him, "because myequal is here, and my likeness. Jane, will you marry me?"
Still I did not answer, and still I writhed myself from his grasp:for I was still incredulous.
"Do you doubt me, Jane?"
"Entirely. "
"You have no faith in me?"
"Not a whit. "
"Am I a liar in your eyes?" he asked passionately. "Little sceptic,you SHALL be convinced. What love have I for Miss Ingram? None:and that you know. What love has she for me? None: as I havetaken pains to prove: I caused a rumour to reach her that my fortunewas not a third of what was supposed, and after that I presentedmyself to see the result; it was coldness both from her and hermother. I would not -- I could not -- marry Miss Ingram. You --you strange, you almost unearthly thing! -- I love as my own flesh.You -- poor and obscure, and small and plain as you are -- I entreatto accept me as a husband. "
"What, me!" I ejaculated, beginning in his earnestness -- andespecially in his incivility -- to credit his sincerity: "me whohave not a friend in the world but you -- if you are my friend:not a shilling but what you have given me?"
"You, Jane, I must have you for my own -- entirely my own. Willyou be mine? Say yes, quickly. "
"Mr. Rochester, let me look at your face: turn to the moonlight. "
"Why?"
"Because I want to read your countenance -- turn!"
"There! you will find it scarcely more legible than a crumpled,scratched page. Read on: only make haste, for I suffer. "
His face was very much agitated and very much flushed, and therewere strong workings in the features, and strange gleams in theeyes
"Oh, Jane, you torture me!" he exclaimed. "With that searchingand yet faithful and generous look, you torture me!"
"How can I do that? If you are true, and your offer real, myonly feelings to you must be gratitude and devotion -- they cannottorture. "
"Gratitude!" he ejaculated; and added wildly -- "Jane accept mequickly. Say, Edward -- give me my name -- Edward -- I will marryyou. "
"Are you in earnest? Do you truly love me? Do you sincerely wishme to be your wife?"
"I do; and if an oath is necessary to satisfy you, I swear it. "
"Then, sir, I will marry you. "
"Edward -- my little wife!"
"Dear Edward!"
"Come to me -- come to me entirely now, " said he; and added, inhis deepest tone, speaking in my ear as his cheek was laid on mine,"Make my happiness -- I will make yours. "
"God pardon me!" he subjoined ere long; "and man meddle not withme: I have her, and will hold her. "
"There is no one to meddle, sir. I have no kindred to interfere. "
"No -- that is the best of it, " he said. And if I had lovedhim less I should have thought his accent and look of exultationsavage; but, sitting by him, roused from the nightmare of parting-- called to the paradise of union -- I thought only of the blissgiven me to drink in so abundant a flow. Again and again he said,"Are you happy, Jane?" And again and again I answered, "Yes. "After which he murmured, "It will atone -- it will atone. Have Inot found her friendless, and cold, and comfortless? Will I notguard, and cherish, and solace her? Is there not love in my heart,and constancy in my resolves? It will expiate at God's tribunal.I know my Maker sanctions what I do. For the world's judgment --I wash my hands thereof. For man's opinion -- I defy it. "
But what had befallen the night? The moon was not yet set, and wewere all in shadow: I could scarcely see my master's face, near asI was. And what ailed the chestnut tree? it writhed and groaned;while wind roared in the laurel walk, and came sweeping over us.
"We must go in, " said Mr. Rochester: "the weather changes. Icould have sat with thee till morning, Jane. "
"And so, " thought I, "could I with you. " I should have said so,perhaps, but a livid, vivid spark leapt out of a cloud at which Iwas looking, and there was a crack, a crash, and a close rattlingpeal; and I thought only of hiding my dazzled eyes against Mr.Rochester's shoulder.
The rain rushed down. He hurried me up the walk, through the grounds,and into the house; but we were quite wet before we could pass thethreshold. He was taking off my shawl in the hall, and shakingthe water out of my loosened hair, when Mrs. Fairfax emerged fromher room. I did not observe her at first, nor did Mr. Rochester.The lamp was lit. The clock was on the stroke of twelve.
"Hasten to take off your wet things, " said he; "and before you go,good-night -- good-night, my darling!"
He kissed me repeatedly. When I looked up, on leaving his arms,there stood the widow, pale, grave, and amazed. I only smiled ather, and ran upstairs. "Explanation will do for another time, "thought I. Still, when I reached my chamber, I felt a pang at theidea she should even temporarily misconstrue what she had seen. Butjoy soon effaced every other feeling; and loud as the wind blew,near and deep as the thunder crashed, fierce and frequent as thelightning gleamed, cataract-like as the rain fell during a stormof two hours' duration, I experienced no fear and little awe. Mr.Rochester came thrice to my door in the course of it, to ask ifI was safe and tranquil: and that was comfort, that was strengthfor anything.
Before I left my bed in the morning, little Adele came runningin to tell me that the great horse-chestnut at the bottom of theorchard had been struck by lightning in the night, and half of itsplit away.