简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER XX Page 2
He held out the tiny glass, and I half filled it from the water-bottleon the washstand.
"That will do; -- now wet the lip of the phial. "
I did so; he measured twelve drops of a crimson liquid, and presentedit to Mason.
"Drink, Richard: it will give you the heart you lack, for an houror so. "
"But will it hurt me? -- is it inflammatory?"
"Drink! drink! drink!"
Mr. Mason obeyed, because it was evidently useless to resist. Hewas dressed now: he still looked pale, but he was no longer goryand sullied. Mr. Rochester let him sit three minutes afterhe had swallowed the liquid; he then took his arm -
"Now I am sure you can get on your feet, " he said -- "try. "
The patient rose.
"Carter, take him under the other shoulder. Be of good cheer,Richard; step out -- that's it!"
"I do feel better, " remarked Mr. Mason.
"I am sure you do. Now, Jane, trip on before us away to thebackstairs; unbolt the side-passage door, and tell the driver ofthe post-chaise you will see in the yard -- or just outside, for Itold him not to drive his rattling wheels over the pavement -- tobe ready; we are coming: and, Jane, if any one is about, come tothe foot of the stairs and hem. "
It was by this time half-past five, and the sun was on the point ofrising; but I found the kitchen still dark and silent. The side-passage door was fastened; I opened it with as little noise aspossible: all the yard was quiet; but the gates stood wide open,and there was a post-chaise, with horses ready harnessed, and driverseated on the box, stationed outside. I approached him, and saidthe gentlemen were coming; he nodded: then I looked carefully roundand listened. The stillness of early morning slumbered everywhere;the curtains were yet drawn over the servants' chamber windows;little birds were just twittering in the blossom-blanched orchardtrees, whose boughs drooped like white garlands over the wallenclosing one side of the yard; the carriage horses stamped fromtime to time in their closed stables: all else was still.
The gentlemen now appeared. Mason, supported by Mr. Rochester andthe surgeon, seemed to walk with tolerable ease: they assistedhim into the chaise; Carter followed.
"Take care of him, " said Mr. Rochester to the latter, "and keephim at your house till he is quite well: I shall ride over in aday or two to see how he gets on. Richard, how is it with you?"
"The fresh air revives me, Fairfax. "
"Leave the window open on his side, Carter; there is no wind --good- bye, Dick. "
"Fairfax -- "
"Well what is it?"
"Let her be taken care of; let her be treated as tenderly as maybe: let her -- " he stopped and burst into tears.
"I do my best; and have done it, and will do it, " was the answer:he shut up the chaise door, and the vehicle drove away.
"Yet would to God there was an end of all this!" added Mr. Rochester,as he closed and barred the heavy yard-gates.
This done, he moved with slow step and abstracted air towards adoor in the wall bordering the orchard. I, supposing he had donewith me, prepared to return to the house; again, however, I heardhim call "Jane!" He had opened feel portal and stood at it, waitingfor me.
"Come where there is some freshness, for a few moments, " he said;"that house is a mere dungeon: don't you feel it so?"
"It seems to me a splendid mansion, sir. "
"The glamour of inexperience is over your eyes, " he answered; "andyou see it through a charmed medium: you cannot discern that thegilding is slime and the silk draperies cobwebs; that the marbleis sordid slate, and the polished woods mere refuse chips and scalybark. Now HERE" (he pointed to the leafy enclosure we had entered)"all is real, sweet, and pure. "
"Jane, will you have a flower?"
He gathered a half-blown rose, the first on the bush, and offeredit to me.
"Thank you, sir. "
"Do you like this sunrise, Jane? That sky with its high and lightclouds which are sure to melt away as the day waxes warm -- thisplacid and balmly atmosphere?"
"I do, very much. "
"You have passed a strange night, Jane. "
"Yes, sir. "
"And it has made you look pale -- were you afraid when I left youalone with Mason?"
"I was afraid of some one coming out of the inner room. "
"But I had fastened the door -- I had the key in my pocket: I shouldhave been a careless shepherd if I had left a lamb -- my pet lamb-- so near a wolf's den, unguarded: you were safe. "
"Will Grace Poole live here still, sir?"
"Oh yes! don't trouble your head about her -- put the thing outof your thoughts. "
"Yet it seems to me your life is hardly secure while she stays. "
"Never fear -- I will take care of myself. "
"Is the danger you apprehended last night gone by now, sir?"
"I cannot vouch for that till Mason is out of England: nor eventhen. To live, for me, Jane, is to stand on a crater-crust whichmay crack and spue fire any day. "
"But Mr. Mason seems a man easily led. Your influence, sir, isevidently potent with him: he will never set you at defiance orwilfully injure you. "
"Oh, no! Mason will not defy me; nor, knowing it, will he hurtme -- but, unintentionally, he might in a moment, by one carelessword, deprive me, if not of life, yet for ever of happiness. "
"Tell him to be cautious, sir: let him know what you fear, andshow him how to avert the danger. "
He laughed sardonically, hastily took my hand, and as hastily threwit from him.
"If I could do that, simpleton, where would the danger be? Annihilatedin a moment. Ever since I have known Mason, I have only had to sayto him 'Do that, ' and the thing has been done. But I cannot givehim orders in this case: I cannot say 'Beware of harming me,Richard;' for it is imperative that I should keep him ignorant thatharm to me is possible. Now you look puzzled; and I will puzzleyou further. You are my little friend, are you not?"
"I like to serve you, sir, and to obey you in all that is right. "
"Precisely: I see you do. I see genuine contentment in your gaitand mien, your eye and face, when you are helping me and pleasingme -- working for me, and with me, in, as you characteristicallysay, 'ALL THAT IS RIGHT:' for if I bid you do what you thought wrong,there would be no light-footed running, no neat-handed alacrity, nolively glance and animated complexion. My friend would then turnto me, quiet and pale, and would say, 'No, sir; that is impossible:I cannot do it, because it is wrong;' and would become immutableas a fixed star. Well, you too have power over me, and may injureme: yet I dare not show you where I am vulnerable, lest, faithfuland friendly as you are, you should transfix me at once. "
"God grant it may be so! Here, Jane, is an arbour; sit down. "
The arbour was an arch in the wall, lined with ivy; it containeda rustic seat. Mr. Rochester took it, leaving room, however, forme: but I stood before him.
"Sit, " he said; "the bench is long enough for two. You don'thesitate to take a place at my side, do you? Is that wrong, Jane?"
I answered him by assuming it: to refuse would, I felt, have beenunwise.
"Now, my little friend, while the sun drinks the dew -- while allthe flowers in this old garden awake and expand, and the birdsfetch their young ones' breakfast out of the Thornfield, and theearly bees do their first spell of work -- I'll put a case to you,which you must endeavour to suppose your own: but first, lookat me, and tell me you are at ease, and not fearing that I err indetaining you, or that you err in staying. "
"No, sir; I am content. "
"Well then, Jane, call to aid your fancy:- suppose you were nolonger a girl well reared and disciplined, but a wild boy indulgedfrom childhood upwards; imagine yourself in a remote foreign land;conceive that you there commit a capital error, no matter of whatnature or from what motives, but one whose consequences must followyou through life and taint all your existence. Mind, I don't saya CRIME; I am not speaking of shedding of blood or any other guiltyact, which might make the perpetrator amenable to the law: my wordis ERROR. The results of what you have done become in time to youutterly insupportable; you take measures to obtain relief: unusualmeasures, but neither unlawful nor culpable. Still you aremiserable; for hope has quitted you on the very confines of life:your sun at noon darkens in an eclipse, which you feel will notleave it till the time of setting. Bitter and base associationshave become the sole food of your memory: you wander here andthere, seeking rest in exile: happiness in pleasure -- I mean inheartless, sensual pleasure -- such as dulls intellect and blightsfeeling. Heart-weary and soul-withered, you come home after yearsof voluntary banishment: you make a new acquaintance -- how orwhere no matter: you find in this stranger much of the good andbright qualities which you have sought for twenty years, and neverbefore encountered; and they are all fresh, healthy, without soiland without taint. Such society revives, regenerates: you feelbetter days come back -- higher wishes, purer feelings; you desireto recommence your life, and to spend what remains to you of daysin a way more worthy of an immortal being. To attain this end,are you justified in overleaping an obstacle of custom -- a mereconventional impediment which neither your conscience sanctifiesnor your judgment approves?"
He paused for an answer: and what was I to say? Oh, for somegood spirit to suggest a judicious and satisfactory response! Vainaspiration! The west wind whispered in the ivy round me; but nogentle Ariel borrowed its breath as a medium of speech: the birdssang in the tree-tops; but their song, however sweet, was inarticulate.
Again Mr. Rochester propounded his query:
"Is the wandering and sinful, but now rest-seeking and repentant,man justified in daring the world's opinion, in order to attachto him for ever this gentle, gracious, genial stranger, therebysecuring his own peace of mind and regeneration of life?"
"Sir, " I answered, "a wanderer's repose or a sinner's reformationshould never depend on a fellow-creature. Men and women die;philosophers falter in wisdom, and Christians in goodness: if anyone you know has suffered and erred, let him look higher than hisequals for strength to amend and solace to heal. "
"But the instrument -- the instrument! God, who does the work,ordains the instrument. I have myself -- I tell it you withoutparable -- been a worldly, dissipated, restless man; andI believe I have found the instrument for my cure in -- "
He paused: the birds went on carolling, the leaves lightly rustling.I almost wondered they did not check their songs and whispers tocatch the suspended revelation; but they would have had to wait manyminutes -- so long was the silence protracted. At last I lookedup at the tardy speaker: he was looking eagerly at me.
"Little friend, " said he, in quite a changed tone -- while hisface changed too, losing all its softness and gravity, and becomingharsh and sarcastic -- "you have noticed my tender penchant for MissIngram: don't you think if I married her she would regenerate mewith a vengeance?"
He got up instantly, went quite to the other end of the walk, andwhen he came back he was humming a tune.
"Jane, Jane, " said he, stopping before me, "you are quite pale withyour vigils: don't you curse me for disturbing your rest?"
"Curse you? No, sir. "
"Shake hands in confirmation of the word. What cold fingers!They were warmer last night when I touched them at the door of themysterious chamber. Jane, when will you watch with me again?"
"Whenever I can be useful, sir. "
"For instance, the night before I am married! I am sure I shallnot be able to sleep. Will you promise to sit up with me to bearme company? To you I can talk of my lovely one: for now you haveseen her and know her. "
"Yes, sir. "
"She's a rare one, is she not, Jane?"
"Yes, sir. "
"A strapper -- a real strapper, Jane: big, brown, and buxom; withhair just such as the ladies of Carthage must have had. Bless me!there's Dent and Lynn in the stables! Go in by the shrubbery,through that wicket. "
As I went one way, he went another, and I heard him inthe yard, saying cheerfully -
"Mason got the start of you all this morning; he was gone beforesunrise: I rose at four to see him off. "