简.爱 英文版 Jane Eyre
夏洛蒂.勃朗特 Charlotte Bronte
CHAPTER XVI
I both wished and feared to see Mr. Rochester on the day whichfollowed this sleepless night: I wanted to hear his voice again,yet feared to meet his eye. During the early part of the morning,I momentarily expected his coming; he was not in the frequent habitof entering the schoolroom, but he did step in for a few minutessometimes, and I had the impression that he was sure to visit itthat day.
But the morning passed just as usual: nothing happened to interruptthe quiet course of Adele's studies; only soon after breakfast, Iheard some bustle in the neighbourhood of Mr. Rochester's chamber,Mrs. Fairfax's voice, and Leah's, and the cook's -- that is, John'swife -- and even John's own gruff tones. There were exclamationsof "What a mercy master was not burnt in his bed!" "It is alwaysdangerous to keep a candle lit at night. " "How providential thathe had presence of mind to think of the water-jug!" "I wonderhe waked nobody!" "It is to be hoped he will not take cold withsleeping on the library sofa, " &c.
To much confabulation succeeded a sound of scrubbing and setting torights; and when I passed the room, in going downstairs to dinner,I saw through the open door that all was again restored to completeorder; only the bed was stripped of its hangings. Leah stood upin the window-seat, rubbing the panes of glass dimmed with smoke.I was about to address her, for I wished to know what account hadbeen given of the affair: but, on advancing, I saw a second personin the chamber -- a woman sitting on a chair by the bedside, andsewing rings to new curtains. That woman was no other than GracePoole.
There she sat, staid and taciturn-looking, as usual, in her brownstuff gown, her check apron, white handkerchief, and cap. She wasintent on her work, in which her whole thoughts seemed absorbed:on her hard forehead, and in her commonplace features, was nothingeither of the paleness or desperation one would have expected tosee marking the countenance of a woman who had attempted murder, andwhose intended victim had followed her last night to her lair, and(as I believed), charged her with the crime she wished to perpetrate.I was amazed -- confounded. She looked up, while I still gazed ather: no start, no increase or failure of colour betrayed emotion,consciousness of guilt, or fear of detection. She said "Goodmorning, Miss, " in her usual phlegmatic and brief manner; and takingup another ring and more tape, went on with her sewing.
"I will put her to some test, " thought I: "such absolute impenetrabilityis past comprehension. "
"Good morning, Grace, " I said. "Has anything happened here? Ithought I heard the servants all talking together a while ago. "
"Only master had been reading in his bed last night; he fell asleepwith his candle lit, and the curtains got on fire; but, fortunately,he awoke before the bed-clothes or the wood-work caught, andcontrived to quench the flames with the water in the ewer. "
"A strange affair!" I said, in a low voice: then, looking at herfixedly -- "Did Mr. Rochester wake nobody? Did no one hear himmove?"
She again raised her eyes to me, and this time there was somethingof consciousness in their expression. She seemed to examineme warily; then she answered -
"The servants sleep so far off, you know, Miss, they would not belikely to hear. Mrs. Fairfax's room and yours are the nearest tomaster's; but Mrs. Fairfax said she heard nothing: when peopleget elderly, they often sleep heavy. " She paused, and then added,with a sort of assumed indifference, but still in a marked andsignificant tone -- "But you are young, Miss; and I should say alight sleeper: perhaps you may have heard a noise?"
"I did, " said I, dropping my voice, so that Leah, who was stillpolishing the panes, could not hear me, "and at first I thoughtit was Pilot: but Pilot cannot laugh; and I am certain I heard alaugh, and a strange one. "
She took a new needleful of thread, waxed it carefully, threaded herneedle with a steady hand, and then observed, with perfect composure -
"It is hardly likely master would laugh, I should think, Miss, whenhe was in such danger: You must have been dreaming. "
"I was not dreaming, " I said, with some warmth, for her brazencoolness provoked me. Again she looked at me; and with the samescrutinising and conscious eye.
"Have you told master that you heard a laugh?" she inquired.
"I have not had the opportunity of speaking to him this morning. "
"You did not think of opening your door and looking out into thegallery?" she further asked.
She appeared to be cross-questioning me, attempting to draw fromme information unawares. The idea struck me that if she discoveredI knew or suspected her guilt, she would be playing of some of hermalignant pranks on me; I thought it advisable to be on my guard.
"On the contrary, " said I, "I bolted my door. "
"Then you are not in the habit of bolting your door every nightbefore you get into bed?"
"Fiend! she wants to know my habits, that she may lay her plansaccordingly!" Indignation again prevailed over prudence: I repliedsharply, "Hitherto I have often omitted to fasten the bolt: I didnot think it necessary. I was not aware any danger or annoyancewas to be dreaded at Thornfield Hall: but in future" (and I laidmarked stress on the words) "I shall take good care to make allsecure before I venture to lie down. "
"It will be wise so to do, " was her answer: "this neighbourhoodis as quiet as any I know, and I never heard of the hall beingattempted by robbers since it was a house; though there are hundredsof pounds' worth of plate in the plate-closet, as is well known.And you see, for such a large house, there are very few servants,because master has never lived here much; and when he does come,being a bachelor, he needs little waiting on: but I always thinkit best to err on the safe side; a door is soon fastened, and itis as well to have a drawn bolt between one and any mischief thatmay be about. A deal of people, Miss, are for trusting all toProvidence; but I say Providence will not dispense with the means,though He often blesses them when they are used discreetly. " Andhere she closed her harangue: a long one for her, and uttered withthe demureness of a Quakeress.
I still stood absolutely dumfoundered at what appeared to me hermiraculous self-possession and most inscrutable hypocrisy, whenthe cook entered.
"Mrs. Poole, " said she, addressing Grace, "the servants' dinnerwill soon be ready: will you come down?"
"No; just put my pint of porter and bit of pudding on a tray, andI'll carry it upstairs. "
"You'll have some meat?"
"Just a morsel, and a taste of cheese, that's all. "
"And the sago?"
"Never mind it at present: I shall be coming down before teatime:I'll make it myself. "
The cook here turned to me, saying that Mrs. Fairfax was waitingfor me: so I departed.
I hardly heard Mrs. Fairfax's account of the curtain conflagrationduring dinner, so much was I occupied in puzzling my brains over theenigmatical character of Grace Poole, and still more in ponderingthe problem of her position at Thornfield and questioning whyshe had not been given into custody that morning, or, at the veryleast, dismissed from her master's service. He had almost as muchas declared his conviction of her criminality last night: whatmysterious cause withheld him from accusing her? Why had heenjoined me, too, to secrecy? It was strange: a bold, vindictive,and haughty gentleman seemed somehow in the power of one of themeanest of his dependants; so much in her power, that even whenshe lifted her hand against his life, he dared not openly chargeher with the attempt, much less punish her for it.
Had Grace been young and handsome, I should have been tempted tothink that tenderer feelings than prudence or fear influenced Mr.Rochester in her behalf; but, hard-favoured and matronly as shewas, the idea could not be admitted. "Yet, " I reflected, "she hasbeen young once; her youth would be contemporary with her master's:Mrs. Fairfax told me once, she had lived here many years. I don'tthink she can ever have been pretty; but, for aught I know, shemay possess originality and strength of character to compensatefor the want of personal advantages. Mr. Rochester is an amateurof the decided and eccentric: Grace is eccentric at least. Whatif a former caprice (a freak very possible to a nature so sudden andheadstrong as his) has delivered him into her power, and she nowexercises over his actions a secret influence, the result of his ownindiscretion, which he cannot shake off, and dare not disregard?"But, having reached this point of conjecture, Mrs. Poole's square,flat figure, and uncomely, dry, even coarse face, recurred sodistinctly to my mind's eye, that I thought, "No; impossible! mysupposition cannot be correct. Yet, " suggested the secret voicewhich talks to us in our own hearts, "you are not beautiful either,and perhaps Mr. Rochester approves you: at any rate, you have oftenfelt as if he did; and last night -- remember his words; rememberhis look; remember his voice!"
I well remembered all; language, glance, and tone seemed at themoment vividly renewed. I was now in the schoolroom; Adele wasdrawing; I bent over her and directed her pencil. She looked upwith a sort of start.
"Qu' avez-vous, mademoiselle?" said she. "Vos doigts tremblentcomme la feuille, et vos joues sont rouges: mais, rouges commedes cerises!"
"I am hot, Adele, with stooping!" She went on sketching; I wenton thinking.
I hastened to drive from my mind the hateful notion I had beenconceiving respecting Grace Poole; it disgusted me. I comparedmyself with her, and found we were different. Bessie Leaven hadsaid I was quite a lady; and she spoke truth -- I was a lady. Andnow I looked much better than I did when Bessie saw me; I had morecolour and more flesh, more life, more vivacity, because I hadbrighter hopes and keener enjoyments.
"Evening approaches, " said I, as I looked towards the window. "Ihave never heard Mr. Rochester's voice or step in the house to-day;but surely I shall see him before night: I feared the meeting inthe morning; now I desire it, because expectation has been so longbaffled that it is grown impatient. "
When dusk actually closed, and when Adele left me to go and play inthe nursery with Sophie, I did most keenly desire it. I listenedfor the bell to ring below; I listened for Leah coming up witha message; I fancied sometimes I heard Mr. Rochester's own tread,and I turned to the door, expecting it to open and admit him.The door remained shut; darkness only came in through the window.Still it was not late; he often sent for me at seven and eighto'clock, and it was yet but six. Surely I should not be whollydisappointed to- night, when I had so many things to say to him! Iwanted again to introduce the subject of Grace Poole, and to hearwhat he would answer; I wanted to ask him plainly if he reallybelieved it was she who had made last night's hideous attempt; andif so, why he kept her wickedness a secret. It little matteredwhether my curiosity irritated him; I knew the pleasure of vexingand soothing him by turns; it was one I chiefly delighted in, anda sure instinct always prevented me from going too far; beyondthe verge of provocation I never ventured; on the extreme brink Iliked well to try my skill. Retaining every minute form of respect,every propriety of my station, I could still meet him in argumentwithout fear or uneasy restraint; this suited both him and me.
A tread creaked on the stairs at last. Leah made her appearance;but it was only to intimate that tea was ready in Mrs. Fairfax'sroom. Thither I repaired, glad at least to go downstairs; for thatbrought me, I imagined, nearer to Mr. Rochester's presence.
"You must want your tea, " said the good lady, as I joined her;"you ate so little at dinner. I am afraid, " she continued, "youare not well to-day: you look flushed and feverish. "
"Oh, quite well! I never felt better. "
"Then you must prove it by evincing a good appetite; will you fillthe teapot while I knit off this needle?" Having completed hertask, she rose to draw down the blind, which she had hitherto keptup, by way, I suppose, of making the most of daylight, though duskwas now fast deepening into total obscurity.
"It is fair to-night, " said she, as she looked through the panes,"though not starlight; Mr. Rochester has, on the whole, had afavourable day for his journey. "
"Journey! -- Is Mr. Rochester gone anywhere? I did not know hewas out. "
"Oh, he set off the moment he had breakfasted! He is gone to theLeas, Mr. Eshton's place, ten miles on the other side Millcote. Ibelieve there is quite a party assembled there; Lord Ingram, SirGeorge Lynn, Colonel Dent, and others. "
"Do you expect him back to-night?"
"No -- nor to-morrow either; I should think he is very likely to staya week or more: when these fine, fashionable people get together,they are so surrounded by elegance and gaiety, so well provided withall that can please and entertain, they are in no hurry to separate.Gentlemen especially are often in request on such occasions; and Mr.Rochester is so talented and so lively in society, that I believe heis a general favourite: the ladies are very fond of him; thoughyou would not think his appearance calculated to recommend himparticularly in their eyes: but I suppose his acquirements andabilities, perhaps his wealth and good blood, make amends for anylittle fault of look. "
"Are there ladies at the Leas?"
"There are Mrs. Eshton and her three daughters -- very elegant youngladies indeed; and there are the Honourable Blanche and Mary Ingram,most beautiful women, I suppose: indeed I have seen Blanche, sixor seven years since, when she was a girl of eighteen. She camehere to a Christmas ball and party Mr. Rochester gave. You shouldhave seen the dining-room that day -- how richly it was decorated,how brilliantly lit up! I should think there were fifty ladiesand gentlemen present -- all of the first county families; and MissIngram was considered the belle of the evening. "
"You saw her, you say, Mrs. Fairfax: what was she like?"
"Yes, I saw her. The dining-room doors were thrown open; and, asit was Christmas-time, the servants were allowed to assemble inthe hall, to hear some of the ladies sing and play. Mr. Rochesterwould have me to come in, and I sat down in a quiet corner andwatched them. I never saw a more splendid scene: the ladies weremagnificently dressed; most of them -- at least most of the youngerones -- looked handsome; but Miss Ingram was certainly the queen. "
"And what was she like?"
"Tall, fine bust, sloping shoulders; long, graceful neck: olivecomplexion, dark and clear; noble features; eyes rather like Mr.Rochester's: large and black, and as brilliant as her jewels. Andthen she had such a fine head of hair; raven-black and so becominglyarranged: a crown of thick plaits behind, and in front the longest,the glossiest curls I ever saw. She was dressed in pure white; anamber-coloured scarf was passed over her shoulder and across herbreast, tied at the side, and descending in long, fringed endsbelow her knee. She wore an amber-coloured flower, too, in herhair: it contrasted well with the jetty mass of her curls. "
"She was greatly admired, of course?"
"Yes, indeed: and not only for her beauty, but for her accomplishments.She was one of the ladies who sang: a gentleman accompanied heron the piano. She and Mr. Rochester sang a duet. "
"Mr. Rochester? I was not aware he could sing. "
"Oh! he has a fine bass voice, and an excellent taste for music. "
"And Miss Ingram: what sort of a voice had she?"
"A very rich and powerful one: she sang delightfully; it was a treatto listen to her; -- and she played afterwards. I am no judge ofmusic, but Mr. Rochester is; and I heard him say her execution wasremarkably good. "
"And this beautiful and accomplished lady, she is not yet married?"
"It appears not: I fancy neither she nor her sister have verylarge fortunes. Old Lord Ingram's estates were chiefly entailed,and the eldest son came in for everything almost. "
"But I wonder no wealthy nobleman or gentleman has taken a fancyto her: Mr. Rochester, for instance. He is rich, is he not?"
"Oh! yes. But you see there is a considerable difference in age:Mr. Rochester is nearly forty; she is but twenty-five. "
"What of that? More unequal matches are made every day. "
"True: yet I should scarcely fancy Mr. Rochester would entertainan idea of the sort. But you eat nothing: you have scarcely tastedsince you began tea. "
seemed at themoment vividly renewed. I was now in the schoolroom; Adele wasdrawing.
"No: I am too thirsty to eat. Will you let me have another cup?"
I was about again to revert to the probability of a union betweenMr. Rochester and the beautiful Blanche; but Adele came in, andthe conversation was turned into another channel.
When once more alone, I reviewed the information I had got; lookedinto my heart, examined its thoughts and feelings, and endeavouredto bring back with a strict hand such as had been straying throughimagination's boundless and trackless waste, into the safe fold ofcommon sense.
Arraigned at my own bar, Memory having given her evidence of thehopes, wishes, sentiments I had been cherishing since last night-- of the general state of mind in which I had indulged for nearlya fortnight past; Reason having come forward and told, in her ownquiet way a plain, unvarnished tale, showing how I had rejected thereal, and rabidly devoured the ideal; -- I pronounced judgment tothis effect:-
That a greater fool than Jane Eyre had never breathed the breathof life; that a more fantastic idiot had never surfeited herselfon sweet lies, and swallowed poison as if it were nectar.
shouldprobably have been unequal to maintain, even externally.swallowed poison.
"YOU, " I said, "a favourite with Mr. Rochester? YOU gifted with thepower of pleasing him? YOU of importance to him in any way? Go!your folly sickens me. And you have derived pleasure from occasionaltokens of preference -- equivocal tokens shown by a gentleman offamily and a man of the world to a dependent and a novice. Howdared you? Poor stupid dupe! -- Could not even self-interest makeyou wiser? You repeated to yourself this morning the brief sceneof last night? -- Cover your face and be ashamed! He said somethingin praise of your eyes, did he? Blind puppy! Open their blearedlids and look on your own accursed senselessness! It does goodto no woman to be flattered by her superior, who cannot possiblyintend to marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secretlove kindle within them, which, if unreturned and unknown, mustdevour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and respondedto, must lead, ignis-fatus-like, into miry wilds whence there isno extrication.
"Listen, then, Jane Eyre, to your sentence: tomorrow, place theglass before you, and draw in chalk your own picture, faithfully,without softening one defect; omit no harsh line, smooth away nodispleasing irregularity; write under it, 'Portrait of a Governess,disconnected, poor, and plain. '
"Afterwards, take a piece of smooth ivory -- you have one preparedin your drawing-box: take your palette, mix your freshest, finest,clearest tints; choose your most delicate camel-hair pencils;delineate carefully the loveliest face you can imagine; paintit in your softest shades and sweetest lines, according to thedescription given by Mrs. Fairfax of Blanche Ingram; remember theraven ringlets, the oriental eye; -- What! you revert to Mr. Rochesteras a model! Order! No snivel! -- no sentiment! -- no regret! Iwill endure only sense and resolution. Recall the august yetharmonious lineaments, the Grecian neck and bust; let the roundand dazzling arm be visible, and the delicate hand; omit neitherdiamond ring nor gold bracelet; portray faithfully the attire,aerial lace and glistening satin, graceful scarf and golden rose;call it 'Blanche, an accomplished lady of rank. '
"Whenever, in future, you should chance to fancy Mr. Rochesterthinks well of you, take out these two pictures and compare them:say, 'Mr. Rochester might probably win that noble lady's love, ifhe chose to strive for it; is it likely he would waste a seriousthought on this indigent and insignificant plebeian?'"
"I'll do it, " I resolved: and having framed this determination,I grew calm, and fell asleep.
Ere long, I had reason to congratulate myself on the courseof wholesome discipline to which I had thus forced my feelings tosubmit. Thanks to it, I was able to meet subsequent occurrenceswith a decent calm, which, had they found me unprepared, I shouldprobably have been unequal to maintain, even externally.