认真的重要性 英文版 The Importance of Being Earnest
奥斯卡.王尔德 Oscar Wilde
THIRD ACT Page 1
SCENE
Morning-room at the Manor House.
(GWENDOLEN and CECILY are at the window, looking out into thegarden. )
GWENDOLEN. The fact that they did not follow us at once into thehouse, as any one else would have done, seems to me to show thatthey have some sense of shame left.
CECILY. They have been eating muffins. That looks likerepentance.
GWENDOLEN. (After a pause. ) They don't seem to notice us at all.Couldn't you cough?
CECILY. But I haven't got a cough.
GWENDOLEN. They're looking at us. What effrontery!
CECILY. They're approaching. That's very forward of them.
GWENDOLEN. Let us preserve a dignified silence.
CECILY. Certainly. It's the only thing to do now. (Enter JACKfollowed by ALGERNON. They whistle some dreadful popular air froma British Opera. )
GWENDOLEN. This dignified silence seems to produce an unpleasanteffect.
CECILY. A most distasteful one.
GWENDOLEN. But we will not be the first to speak.
CECILY. Certainly not.
GWENDOLEN. Mr. Worthing, I have something very particular to askyou. Much depends on your reply.
CECILY. Gwendolen, your common sense is invaluable. Mr.Moncrieff, kindly answer me the following question. Why did youpretend to be my guardian's brother?
ALGERNON. In order that I might have an opportunity of meetingyou.
CECILY. (To GWENDOLEN. ) That certainly seems a satisfactoryexplanation, does it not?
GWENDOLEN. Yes, dear, if you can believe him.
CECILY. I don't. But that does not affect the wonderful beauty ofhis answer.
GWENDOLEN. True. In matters of grave importance, style, notsincerity is the vital thing. Mr. Worthing, what explanation canyou offer to me for pretending to have a brother? Was it in orderthat you might have an opportunity of coming up to town to see meas often as possible?
JACK. Can you doubt it, Miss Fairfax?
GWENDOLEN. I have the gravest doubts upon the subject. But Iintend to crush them. This is not the moment for Germanscepticism. (Moving to CECILY. ) Their explanations appear to bequite satisfactory, especially Mr. Worthing's. That seems to me tohave the stamp of truth upon it.
CECILY. I am more than content with what Mr. Moncrieff said. Hisvoice alone inspires one with absolute credulity.
GWENDOLEN. Then you think we should forgive them?
CECILY. Yes. I mean no.
GWENDOLEN. True! I had forgotten. There are principles at stakethat one cannot surrender. Which of us should tell them? The taskis not a pleasant one.
GWENDOLEN. An excellent idea! I nearly always speak at the sametime as other people. Will you take the time from me?
CECILY. Certainly. (GWENDOLEN beats time with uplifted finger. )
GWENDOLEN and CECILY (Speaking together. ) Your Christian names arestill an insuperable barrier. That is all!
JACK and ALGERNON (Speaking together. ) Our Christian names! Isthat all? But we are going to be christened this afternoon.
JACK. I am.
CECILY. (To ALGERNON. ) To please me you are ready to face thisfearful ordeal?
ALGERNON. I am!
GWENDOLEN. How absurd to talk of the equality of the sexes! Wherequestions of self-sacrifice are concerned, men are infinitelybeyond us.
JACK. We are. (Clasps hands with ALGERNON. )
CECILY. They have moments of physical courage of which we womenknow absolutely nothing.
GWENDOLEN. (To JACK. ) Darling!
ALGERNON. (To CECILY. ) Darling! (They fall into each other'sarms. )
(Enter MERRIMAN. When he enters he coughs loudly, seeing thesituation. )
MERRIMAN. Ahem! Ahem! Lady Bracknell!
JACK. Good heavens!
(Enter LADY BRACKNELL. The couples separate in alarm. ExitMERRIMAN. )
LADY BRACKNELL. Gwendolen! What does this mean?
GWENDOLEN. Merely that I am engaged to be married to Mr. Worthing,mamma.
LADY BRACKNELL. Come here. Sit down. Sit down immediately.Hesitation of any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young, ofphysical weakness in the old. (Turns to JACK. ) Apprised, sir, ofmy daughter's sudden flight by her trusty maid, whose confidence Ipurchased by means of a small coin, I followed her at once by aluggage train. Her unhappy father is, I am glad to say, under theimpression that she is attending a more than usually lengthylecture by the University Extension Scheme on the Influence of apermanent income on Thought. I do not propose to undeceive him.Indeed I have never undeceived him on any question. I wouldconsider it wrong. But of course, you will clearly understand thatall communication between yourself and my daughter must ceaseimmediately from this moment. On this point, as indeed on allpoints, I am firm.
JACK. I am engaged to be married to Gwendolen Lady Bracknell!
LADY BRACKNELL. You are nothing of the kind, sir. And now, asregards Algernon! . . . Algernon!
ALGERNON. Yes, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL. May I ask if it is in this house that your invalidfriend Mr. Bunbury resides?
CHASUBLE. Yes, Lady Bracknell.
ALGERNON. (Stammering. ) Oh! No! Bunbury doesn't live here.Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead,
LADY BRACKNELL. Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death musthave been extremely sudden.
ALGERNON. (Airily. ) Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I meanpoor Bunbury died this afternoon.
LADY BRACKNELL. What did he die of?
ALGERNON. Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded.
LADY BRACKNELL. Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionaryoutrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in sociallegislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.
ALGERNON. My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! Thedoctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean- so Bunbury died.
LADY BRACKNELL. He seems to have had great confidence in theopinion of his physicians. I am glad, however, that he made up hismind at the last to some definite course of action, and acted underproper medical advice. And now that we have finally got rid ofthis Mr. Bunbury, may I ask, Mr. Worthing, who is that young personwhose hand my nephew Algernon is now holding in what seems to me apeculiarly unnecessary manner?
JACK. That lady is Miss Cecily Cardew, my ward. (LADY BRACKNELLbows coldly to CECILY. )
ALGERNON. I am engaged to be married to Cecily, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL. I beg your pardon?
CECILY. Mr. Moncrieff and I are engaged to be married, LadyBracknell.
LADY BRACKNELL. (With a shiver, crossing to the sofa and sittingdown. ) I do not know whether there is anything peculiarly excitingin the air of this particular part of Hertfordshire, but the numberof engagements that go on seems to me considerably above the properaverage that statistics have laid down for our guidance. I thinksome preliminary inquiry on my part would not be out of place. Mr.Worthing, is Miss Cardew at all connected with any of the largerrailway stations in London? I merely desire information. Untilyesterday I had no idea that there were any families or personswhose origin was a Terminus. (JACK looks perfectly furious, butrestrains himself. )
JACK. (In a clear, cold voice. ) Miss Cardew is the grand-daughterof the late Mr. Thomas Cardew of 149 Belgrave Square, S. W. ; GervasePark, Dorking, Surrey; and the Sporran, Fifeshire, N. B.
LADY BRACKNELL. That sounds not unsatisfactory. Three addressesalways inspire confidence, even in tradesmen. But what proof haveI of their authenticity?
JACK. I have carefully preserved the Court Guides of the period.They are open to your inspection, Lady Bracknell.
LADY BRACKNELL. (Grimly. ) I have known strange errors in thatpublication.
JACK. Miss Cardew's family solicitors are Messrs. Markby, Markby,and Markby.
LADY BRACKNELL. Markby, Markby, and Markby? A firm of the veryhighest position in their profession. Indeed I am told that one ofthe Mr. Markby's is occasionally to be seen at dinner parties. Sofar I am satisfied.
JACK. (Very irritably. ) How extremely kind of you, LadyBracknell! I have also in my possession, you will be pleased tohear, certificates of Miss Cardew's birth, baptism, whooping cough,registration, vaccination, confirmation, and the measles; both theGerman and the English variety.
LADY BRACKNELL. Ah! A life crowded with incident, I see; thoughperhaps somewhat too exciting for a young girl. I am not myself infavour of premature experiences. (Rises, looks at her watch. )Gwendolen! the time approaches for our departure. We have not amoment to lose. As a matter of form, Mr. Worthing, I had betterask you if Miss Cardew has any little fortune?
JACK. Oh! about a hundred and thirty thousand pounds in the Funds.That is all. Goodbye, Lady Bracknell. So pleased to have seenyou.
LADY BRACKNELL. (Sitting down again. ) A moment, Mr. Worthing. Ahundred and thirty thousand pounds! And in the Funds! Miss Cardewseems to me a most attractive young lady, now that I look at her.Few girls of the present day have any really solid qualities, anyof the qualities that last, and improve with time. We live, Iregret to say, in an age of surfaces. (To CECILY. ) Come overhere, dear. (CECILY goes across. ) Pretty child! your dress issadly simple, and your hair seems almost as Nature might have leftit. But we can soon alter all that. A thoroughly experiencedFrench maid produces a really marvellous result in a very briefspace of time. I remember recommending one to young Lady Lancing,and after three months her own husband did not know her.
JACK. And after six months nobody knew her.
. I don't think that.
LADY BRACKNELL. (Glares at JACK for a few moments. Then bends,with a practised smile, to CECILY. ) Kindly turn round, sweetchild. (CECILY turns completely round. ) No, the side view is whatI want. (CECILY presents her profile. ) Yes, quite as I expected.There are distinct social possibilities in your profile. The twoweak points in our age are its want of principle and its want ofprofile. The chin a little higher, dear. Style largely depends onthe way the chin is worn. They are worn very high, just atpresent. Algernon!
ALGERNON. Yes, Aunt Augusta!
LADY BRACKNELL. There are distinct social possibilities in MissCardew's profile.
ALGERNON. Cecily is the sweetest, dearest, prettiest girl in thewhole world. And I don't care twopence about social possibilities.
ALGERNON. Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL. Cecily, you may kiss me!
CECILY. (Kisses her. ) Thank you, Lady Bracknell.
LADY BRACKNELL. You may also address me as Aunt Augusta for thefuture.
CECILY. Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL. The marriage, I think, had better take place quitesoon.
ALGERNON. Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
CECILY. Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL. To speak frankly, I am not in favour of longengagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out eachother's character before marriage, which I think is neveradvisable.
JACK. I beg your pardon for interrupting you, Lady Bracknell, butthis engagement is quite out of the question. I am Miss Cardew'sguardian, and she cannot marry without my consent until she comesof age. That consent I absolutely decline to give.
LADY BRACKNELL. Upon what grounds may I ask? Algernon is anextremely, I may almost say an ostentatiously, eligible young man.He has nothing, but he looks everything. What more can one desire?
JACK. It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, LadyBracknell, about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approveat all of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful.(ALGERNON and CECILY look at him in indignant amazement. )
LADY BRACKNELL. Untruthful! My nephew Algernon? Impossible! Heis an Oxonian.
JACK. I fear there can be no possible doubt about the matter.This afternoon during my temporary absence in London on animportant question of romance, he obtained admission to my house bymeans of the false pretence of being my brother. Under an assumedname he drank, I've just been informed by my butler, an entire pintbottle of my Perrier-Jouet, Brut, '89; wine I was speciallyreserving for myself. Continuing his disgraceful deception, hesucceeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating theaffections of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea, anddevoured every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all themore heartless is, that he was perfectly well aware from the firstthat I have no brother, that I never had a brother, and that Idon't intend to have a brother, not even of any kind. I distinctlytold him so myself yesterday afternoon.
LADY BRACKNELL. Ahem! Mr. Worthing, after careful consideration Ihave decided entirely to overlook my nephew's conduct to you.
JACK. That is very generous of you, Lady Bracknell. My owndecision, however, is unalterable. I decline to give my consent.
LADY BRACKNELL. (To CECILY. ) Come here, sweet child. (CECILYgoes over. ) How old are you, dear?
CECILY. Well, I am really only eighteen, but I always admit totwenty when I go to evening parties.
LADY BRACKNELL. You are perfectly right in making some slightalteration. Indeed, no woman should ever be quite accurate abouther age. It looks so calculating . . . (In a meditative manner. )Eighteen, but admitting to twenty at evening parties. Well, itwill not be very long before you are of age and free from therestraints of tutelage. So I don't think your guardian's consentis, after all, a matter of any importance.
JACK. Pray excuse me, Lady Bracknell, for interrupting you again,but it is only fair to tell you that according to the terms of hergrandfather's will Miss Cardew does not come legally of age tillshe is thirty-five.
LADY BRACKNELL. That does not seem to me to be a grave objection.Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full ofwomen of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice,remained thirty-five for years. Lady Dumbleton is an instance inpoint. To my own knowledge she has been thirty-five ever since shearrived at the age of forty, which was many years ago now. I seeno reason why our dear Cecily should not be even still moreattractive at the age you mention than she is at present. Therewill be a large accumulation of property.
CECILY. Algy, could you wait for me till I was thirty-five?
ALGERNON. Of course I could, Cecily. You know I could.
CECILY. Yes, I felt it instinctively, but I couldn't wait all thattime. I hate waiting even five minutes for anybody. It alwaysmakes me rather cross. I am not punctual myself, I know, but I dolike punctuality in others, and waiting, even to be married, isquite out of the question.
ALGERNON. Then what is to be done, Cecily?
CECILY. I don't know, Mr. Moncrieff.
LADY BRACKNELL. My dear Mr. Worthing, as Miss Cardew statespositively that she cannot wait till she is thirty-five - a remarkwhich I am bound to say seems to me to show a somewhat impatientnature - I would beg of you to reconsider your decision.
JACK. But my dear Lady Bracknell, the matter is entirely in yourown hands. The moment you consent to my marriage with Gwendolen, Iwill most gladly allow your nephew to form an alliance with myward.
LADY BRACKNELL. (Rising and drawing herself up. ) You must bequite aware that what you propose is out of the question.
JACK. Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can lookforward to.
LADY BRACKNELL. That is not the destiny I propose for Gwendolen.Algernon, of course, can choose for himself. (Pulls out herwatch. ) Come, dear, (GWENDOLEN rises) we have already missed five,if not six, trains. To miss any more might expose us to comment onthe platform.
(Enter DR. CHASUBLE. )
CHASUBLE. Everything is quite ready for the christenings.
LADY BRACKNELL. The christenings, sir! Is not that somewhatpremature?
CHASUBLE. (Looking rather puzzled, and pointing to JACK andALGERNON. ) Both these gentlemen have expressed a desire forimmediate baptism.
LADY BRACKNELL. At their age? The idea is grotesque andirreligious! Algernon, I forbid you to be baptized. I will nothear of such excesses. Lord Bracknell would be highly displeasedif he learned that that was the way in which you wasted your timeand money.
CHASUBLE. Am I to understand then that there are to he nochristenings at all this afternoon?
JACK. I don't think that, as things are now, it would be of muchpractical value to either of us, Dr. Chasuble.
CHASUBLE. I am grieved to hear such sentiments from you, Mr.Worthing. They savour of the heretical views of the Anabaptists,views that I have completely refuted in four of my unpublishedsermons. However, as your present mood seems to be one peculiarlysecular, I will return to the church at once. Indeed, I have justbeen informed by the pew-opener that for the last hour and a halfMiss Prism has been waiting for me in the vestry.
LADY BRACKNELL. (Starting. ) Miss Prism! Did I bear you mention aMiss Prism?
CHASUBLE. Yes, Lady Bracknell. I am on my way to join her.
LADY BRACKNELL. Pray allow me to detain you for a moment. Thismatter may prove to be one of vital importance to Lord Bracknelland myself. Is this Miss Prism a female of repellent aspect,remotely connected with education?
CHASUBLE. (Somewhat indignantly. ) She is the most cultivated ofladies, and the very picture of respectability.
LADY BRACKNELL. It is obviously the same person. May I ask whatposition she holds in your household?
CHASUBLE. (Severely. ) I am a celibate, madam.
JACK. (Interposing. ) Miss Prism, Lady Bracknell, has been for thelast three years Miss Cardew's esteemed governess and valuedcompanion.
LADY BRACKNELL. In spite of what I hear of her, I must see her atonce. Let her be sent for.
CHASUBLE. (Looking off. ) She approaches; she is nigh.
(Enter MISS PRISM hurriedly. )
MISS PRISM. I was told you expected me in the vestry, dear Canon.I have been waiting for you there for an hour and three-quarters.(Catches sight of LADY BRACKNELL, who has fixed her with a stonyglare. MISS PRISM grows pale and quails. She looks anxiouslyround as if desirous to escape. )
LADY BRACKNELL. (In a severe, judicial voice. ) Prism! (MISSPRISM bows her head in shame. ) Come here, Prism! (MISS PRISMapproaches in a humble manner. ) Prism! Where is that baby?(General consternation. The CANON starts back in horror. ALGERNONand JACK pretend to be anxious to shield CECILY and GWENDOLEN fromhearing the details of a terrible public scandal. ) Twenty-eightyears ago, Prism, you left Lord Bracknell's house, Number 104,Upper Grosvenor Street, in charge of a perambulator that containeda baby of the male sex. You never returned. A few weeks later,through the elaborate investigations of the Metropolitan police,the perambulator was discovered at midnight, standing by itself ina remote corner of Bayswater. It contained the manuscript of athree-volume novel of more than usually revolting sentimentality.(MISS PRISM starts in involuntary indignation. ) But the baby wasnot there! (Every one looks at MISS PRISM. ) Prism! Where is thatbaby? (A pause. )