认真的重要性 英文版 The Importance of Being Earnest
奥斯卡.王尔德 Oscar Wilde
SECOND ACT Page 3
GWENDOLEN. (With elaborate politeness. ) Thank you. (Aside. )Detestable girl! But I require tea!
CECILY. (Sweetly. ) Sugar?
GWENDOLEN. (Superciliously. ) No, thank you. Sugar is notfashionable any more. (CECILY looks angrily at her, takes up thetongs and puts four lumps of sugar into the cup. )
CECILY. (Severely. ) Cake or bread and butter?
GWENDOLEN. (In a bored manner. ) Bread and butter, please. Cakeis rarely seen at the best houses nowadays.
CECILY. (Cuts a very large slice of cake, and puts it on thetray. ) Hand that to Miss Fairfax.
(MERRIMAN does so, and goes out with footman. GWENDOLEN drinks thetea and makes a grimace. Puts down cup at once, reaches out herhand to the bread and butter, looks at it, and finds it is cake.Rises in indignation. )
GWENDOLEN. You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and thoughI asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given mecake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and theextraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew,you may go too far.
CECILY. (Rising. ) To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy fromthe machinations of any other girl there are no lengths to which Iwould not go.
GWENDOLEN. From the moment I saw you I distrusted you. I feltthat you were false and deceitful. I am never deceived in suchmatters. My first impressions of people are invariably right.
(Enter JACK. )
GWENDOLEN. (Catching sight of him. ) Ernest! My own Ernest!
JACK. Gwendolen! Darling! (Offers to kiss her. )
GWENDOLEN. (Draws back. ) A moment! May I ask if you are engagedto be married to this young lady? (Points to CECILY. )
JACK. (Laughing. ) To dear little Cecily! Of course not! Whatcould have put such an idea into your pretty little head?
GWENDOLEN. Thank you. You may! (Offers her cheek. )
CECILY. (Very sweetly. ) I knew there must be somemisunderstanding, Miss Fairfax. The gentleman whose arm is atpresent round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing.
GWENDOLEN. I beg your pardon?
CECILY. This is Uncle Jack.
GWENDOLEN. (Receding. ) Jack! Oh!
(Enter ALGERNON. )
CECILY. Here is Ernest.
ALGERNON. (Goes straight over to CECILY without noticing any oneelse. ) My own love! (Offers to kiss her. )
CECILY. (Drawing back. ) A moment, Ernest! May I ask you - areyou engaged to be married to this young lady?
ALGERNON. (Looking round. ) To what young lady? Good heavens!Gwendolen!
CECILY. Yes! to good heavens, Gwendolen, I mean to Gwendolen.
ALGERNON. (Laughing. ) Of course not! What could have put such anidea into your pretty little head?
CECILY. Thank you. (Presenting her cheek to be kissed. ) You may.(ALGERNON kisses her. )
GWENDOLEN. I felt there was some slight error, Miss Cardew. Thegentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, Mr. AlgernonMoncrieff.
CECILY. (Breaking away from ALGERNON. ) Algernon Moncrieff! Oh!(The two girls move towards each other and put their arms roundeach other's waists protection. )
CECILY. Are you called Algernon?
ALGERNON. I cannot deny it.
CECILY. Oh!
GWENDOLEN. Is your name really John?
JACK. (Standing rather proudly. ) I could deny it if I liked. Icould deny anything if I liked. But my name certainly is John. Ithas been John for years.
CECILY. (To GWENDOLEN. ) A gross deception has been practised onboth of us.
GWENDOLEN. My poor wounded Cecily!
CECILY. My sweet wronged Gwendolen!
GWENDOLEN. (Slowly and seriously. ) You will call me sister, willyou not? (They embrace. JACK and ALGERNON groan and walk up anddown. )
CECILY. (Rather brightly. ) There is just one question I wouldlike to be allowed to ask my guardian.
JACK. (Slowly and hesitatingly. ) Gwendolen - Cecily - it is verypainful for me to be forced to speak the truth. It is the firsttime in my life that I have ever been reduced to such a painfulposition, and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything ofthe kind. However, I will tell you quite frankly that I have nobrother Ernest. I have no brother at all. I never had a brotherin my life, and I certainly have not the smallest intention of everhaving one in the future.
CECILY. (Surprised. ) No brother at all?
JACK. (Cheerily. ) None!
GWENDOLEN. (Severely. ) Had you never a brother of any kind?
JACK. (Pleasantly. ) Never. Not even of an kind.
GWENDOLEN. I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither ofus is engaged to be married to any one.
CECILY. It is not a very pleasant position for a young girlsuddenly to find herself in. Is it?
GWENDOLEN. Let us go into the house. They will hardly venture tocome after us there.
CECILY. No, men are so cowardly, aren't they?
(They retire into the house with scornful looks. )
JACK. This ghastly state of things is what you call Bunburying, Isuppose?
ALGERNON. Yes, and a perfectly wonderful Bunbury it is. The mostwonderful Bunbury I have ever had in my life.
JACK. Well, you've no right whatsoever to Bunbury here.
ALGERNON. That is absurd. One has a right to Bunbury anywhere onechooses. Every serious Bunburyist knows that.
JACK. Serious Bunburyist! Good heavens!
ALGERNON. Well, one must be serious about something, if one wantsto have any amusement in life. I happen to be serious aboutBunburying. What on earth you are serious about I haven't got theremotest idea. About everything, I should fancy. You have such anabsolutely trivial nature.
JACK. Well, the only small satisfaction I have in the whole ofthis wretched business is that your friend Bunbury is quiteexploded. You won't be able to run down to the country quite sooften as you used to do, dear Algy. And a very good thing too.
ALGERNON. Your brother is a little off colour, isn't he, dearJack? You won't be able to disappear to London quite so frequentlyas your wicked custom was. And not a bad thing either.
JACK. As for your conduct towards Miss Cardew, I must say thatyour taking in a sweet, simple, innocent girl like that is quiteinexcusable. To say nothing of the fact that she is my ward.
ALGERNON. I can see no possible defence at all for your deceivinga brilliant, clever, thoroughly experienced young lady like MissFairfax. To say nothing of the fact that she is my cousin.
JACK. I wanted to be engaged to Gwendolen, that is all. I loveher.
ALGERNON. Well, I simply wanted to be engaged to Cecily. I adoreher.
JACK. There is certainly no chance of your marrying Miss Cardew.
ALGERNON. I don't think there is much likelihood, Jack, of you andMiss Fairfax being united.
JACK. Well, that is no business of yours.
ALGERNON. If it was my business, I wouldn't talk about it.(Begins to eat muffins. ) It is very vulgar to talk about one'sbusiness. Only people like stock-brokers do that, and then merelyat dinner parties.
JACK. How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are inthis horrible trouble, I can't make out. You seem to me to beperfectly heartless.
ALGERNON. Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. Thebutter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eatmuffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.
JACK. I say it's perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all,under the circumstances.
ALGERNON. When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing thatconsoles me. Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as any onewho knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything exceptfood and drink. At the present moment I am eating muffins becauseI am unhappy. Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins.(Rising. )
JACK. (Rising. ) Well, that is no reason why you should eat themall in that greedy way. (Takes muffins from ALGERNON. )
ALGERNON. (Offering tea-cake. ) I wish you would have tea-cakeinstead. I don't like tea-cake.
JACK. Good heavens! I suppose a man may eat his own muffins inhis own garden.
ALGERNON. But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eatmuffins.
JACK. I said it was perfectly heartless of you, under thecircumstances. That is a very different thing.
ALGERNON. That may be. But the muffins are the same. (He seizesthe muffin-dish from JACK. )
JACK. Algy, I wish to goodness you would go.
ALGERNON. You can't possibly ask me to go without having somedinner. It's absurd. I never go without my dinner. No one everdoes, except vegetarians and people like that. Besides I have justmade arrangements with Dr. Chasuble to be christened at a quarterto six under the name of Ernest.
JACK. My dear fellow, the sooner you give up that nonsense thebetter. I made arrangements this morning with Dr. Chasuble to bechristened myself at 5. 30, and I naturally will take the name ofErnest. Gwendolen would wish it. We can't both be christenedErnest. It's absurd. Besides, I have a perfect right to bechristened if I like. There is no evidence at all that I have everbeen christened by anybody. I should think it extremely probable Inever was, and so does Dr. Chasuble. It is entirely different inyour case. You have been christened already.
ALGERNON. Yes, but I have not been christened for years.
JACK. Yes, but you have been christened. That is the importantthing.
ALGERNON. Quite so. So I know my constitution can stand it. Ifyou are not quite sure about your ever having been christened, Imust say I think it rather dangerous your venturing on it now. Itmight make you very unwell. You can hardly have forgotten thatsome one very closely connected with you was very nearly carriedoff this week in Paris by a severe chill.
JACK. Yes, but you said yourself that a severe chill was nothereditary.
ALGERNON. It usen't to be, I know - but I daresay it is now.Science is always making wonderful improvements in things.
JACK. (Picking up the muffin-dish. ) Oh, that is nonsense; you arealways talking nonsense.
ALGERNON. Jack, you are at the muffins again! I wish youwouldn't. There are only two left. (Takes them. ) I told you Iwas particularly fond of muffins.
JACK. But I hate tea-cake.
ALGERNON. Why on earth then do you allow tea-cake to be served upfor your guests? What ideas you have of hospitality!
JACK. Algernon! I have already told you to go. I don't want youhere. Why don't you go!
ALGERNON. I haven't quite finished my tea yet! and there is stillone muffin left. (JACK groans, and sinks into a chair. ALGERNONstill continues eating. )
ACT DROP